emotional intelligence

Same here goldengirl my face gives me away instantly, and our son who does not have speach has a really emotional face (if that is possible), and when he is really sad or upset you almost want to cry for him. Another young man I knew with the same problem as my son had a similarly expressive face - his smile was amazing.

Apparently my face tells people how I feel without me realising it! In other words I don't have to say anything because emotion - good or bad or indifferent - shows by my unwitting expression. This can be to my advantage or disadvantage but I don't have any control over it!

Do you recognise this woman?

I am the one you hear above the crowd
I am the one whose voice is just too loud
If somebody's not told till it is done,
I am the one.

I am the one who never shows her fear
I am the one who never lets you near
I am the one who doesn't shed a tear
I am the one

I am the one who doesn't need your care
I am the one who's left alone to fare
I am the one whose load you needn't bear
I am the one

I am the one you all depend upon
Who smiles and works until all strength is gone
Who never moans and never spoils your fun
I am the one

I am the one whose needs you never see
Do you not hear me saying 'This is me?'
Will you perhaps remember when I'm gone
I was the one.

Perhaps if you have partners who lack emotional intelligence you could show them this!

Agreed, gracesmum - I think we've all known people like that. They are usually men, but not always.

I think this illustrates what I meant. Abs not getting at anybody who suffers from Aspergers or autism, but possibly the person who is too selfish or insensitive to think how their actions or words will affect others. They can be thoroughly decent, loyal people and very good at their jobs but they do not think outside their own little box. Is it "don't care?" or is it "don't know how to?"

When my ex used to say things to upset me [which was often] he used to say I shouldn't be upset because, as he didn't mean to hurt me, it shouldn't count. He is a very good engineer, and sees life very much in black and white, and looks on things is a very simplistic way. My life is all grey areas and I make simple things complicated. Whatever spectrums we are on, we are both at the opposite end of it [which is why we're no longer together]. But he is the most decent person you will ever meet and is the best employer you could have.

Yes I am sure that is true. I also think that asperger's / autism really is part of a spectrum and exists in quite a large percentage of the population. I think it is important to teach emotional literacy, but we also need to recognise and value different ways of being.

No, No. I am saying that people without Asperger's or the excuse it affords shouldn't be so unaware of their emotions, and their impact on others when they are perfectly capable of thinking first.Just a minor example - DH is virtually incapable of being other than absolutely honest when giving an opinion (even although silence or a tactful duck-out comment would make everybody's life easier!) And I don't just mean "does my bum look big in this?"
I wonder if a particular generation of Englishman had emotions and emoting beaten out of them by the public school system?

Thank you POGS

Gosh, thank you when - That's lovely to hear.

gracemum - I'm also a little confused about your post.

nightowl

Very well said. I like your words very much.

Not sure I understand your post, gracesmum. It sounds a bit as if you are saying people with Asperger's (borderline or not) "should know better". I assume that isn't what you mean?

absent of course both are important but I was trying to say that I think emotional intelligence contributes more to relationships as it relates to our ability to read people, understand them and get on with them - which it could be argued can contribute to a happier or easier life. High intelligence in my opinion contributes to one's own personal fulfilment (and the greater good, if used wisely) but not necessarily to happiness. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just different aspects of our minds.
I don't mean emotional maturity whitewave - I think emotional intelligence is more about understanding others as well as ourselves, whereas emotional maturity could just relate to one's own emotions.

Oh how many people ( men in particular) do we know whom we might be tempted to designate as "borderline Asperger's"? From politicians to others in positions of power and people who really should know better!i When I used to teach teenagers I could see those who were going to find life hard as their worst enemy was themselves

Do you mean emotional maturity rather than intelligence?

Why not both nightowl?

gracesmum I haven't contributed yet but I also feel this is an enormously important subject. I believe it is an area where those on the autistic spectrum struggle and causes many misunderstandings. In many ways I feel that having a high emotional intelligence is more likely to contribute to a happy life than having a high IQ.

I agree with you gracesmum. Emotional intelligence is worth striving for, as the dividends it brings far outweigh those from being wealthy or highly intelligent. Being able to recognise and manage my own feelings brings inner peace and contentment for me. It may be different for others. As the query has been raised (I decided not to participate in this thread at first) I felt patronised by Daman's posts (sorry, Daman), as they were sent into an environment where some Gransnetters have shown an enhanced level of emotional intelligence. You weren't to know that, Daman as you have recently joined. I do think that one should give credit to others for being wise in knowing when to display one's emotional capacity, and when to sit back can't say I've managed any degree of consistency with that!

May I salute Butternut who comes across as a wise and peace-emitting Gransnetter. If you're looking for inner peace, tiptoe into the threads containing Butty's, soop's and others' beautiful poetry

Thanks Daman - I am sorry it hasn't caught the imagination too as I feel it is like the oil which keeps the wheels of relationships running. I know many hugely intelligent (even hiley ejikated) people whose grasp of emotional intelligence is appalling. It helps me to do as Maniac suggested and try to rationalise negative emotions instead of projecting them onto others or be aware that if something is annoying me, that it is not somebody who is annoying

Ariadne, I do so agree with the last paragraph of your post! It's certainly not only disadvantaged students who would benefit.

We used to do a lot of work on emotional literacy in schools. It was really good stuff, but it needs a lot of hard work and a consistent approach across the whole school.

I think maniac is so right! gracesmum's question was about what we do with our emotions, and I know that I can keep negative ones very close to my chest until someone who knows me well challenges me and makes me admit to them. (This from an ex-counsellor, who used to say "never think that your partner is telepathic"!) So, not yet very grown up, really!

If I am happy, I think my whole demeanour will show it.

Emotional intelligence education was being much vaunted in schools as I was leaving. It was seen as the missing link for more disadvantaged students, but I always felt that the less obviously disadvantaged would have benefitted from it too. As would a great many people, including me.

Thank you, Maniac, I will try to remember that.

A lesson I have learned in life is to own my emotions and not blame them on someone else.e.g to to say and feel 'I am angry' and ponder on that feeling rather than reacting with 'you make me angry'.

Pity this thread is not running I thought gracesmum was asking something interesting.