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Lost for words....

(85 Posts)
Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 09:41:25

I am feeling very overwhelmed,by the amount of concern and support that soop has been passing to me from my lovely friends,I thought if I slipped quietly away into my "darkness" no one would notice I had slipped away,similar to a really low point last week,we visited a small town or our lovely coast,the car inches from the harbour rails and the lapping high tide,the thoughts of just slipping in and letting the water submerge me and the resulting peace was very very enticing.
You will have guessed from that that the dreaded blackdog has visited me again,it is something that I have fought all my life,but in later years only come to recognise it for what it is,it has many triggers and many faces.I have been on a maintenance dose of antidepressants for about four years,but my GP,decided from latest research that the dose I have been taking has been proven to cause heart problems in the elderly!!(thanks for that doc) so a reduction in dose was suggested,and I feel has left me vulnerable again.
The threads with the "differences" hadn't offended or attacked me in anyway,but in my heightened emotional state don't like discord,although if two people in the street where having a heated discussion I would move away and not listen as with the threads just not look,I think it was more a case of the threads with everyone meeting and not being able,through geography and finances,and family restraints,that bought home to me how much I have come to value you as friends as you are obviously becoming the friends and the family that have been missing from my life for such a long while.....you may have guessed now its me,my new name is an amalgam of the three different surnames in our household...we jokingly use it as our collective family name...I am still very low,but have come back from that very low point....the humour is still there but it is taking all my energy at the moment to slay the enemy...I won't say black dog because I have a lovely blackdog who is snuggling next to me as I write this,so not all black dogs are evil.
As my lovely soophas said many of my friends are fighting the unseen enemy also,so I feel able to open up to you and confirm my empathy with you all,and in turn support you to fight your battles also,but just be very sure I love you all as friends ,and as a surrogate family .
I will still sign myself as Nellie,and please call me Nellie after all what is in a name,...thank you allxxxxxxxxlovenellie

POGS Sat 20-Oct-12 16:31:01

Nellie

If you do tie him up on an electric fence to pee, make sure YOU are wearing rubber wellies.

Safer by far to just put a muzzle on him. wink

Ariadne Sat 20-Oct-12 16:36:20

Dear Nellie so happy to see you back! grin ((((hugs)))) xxxxx

Marelli Sat 20-Oct-12 16:43:11

Nellie my dear - I was horrified when you seemed to disappear into the wide blue yonder! Thank goodness that you kept in touch with soop. flowers for you, soop.
There are so many of us who might just have an idea of how you've been feeling, and there's nothing much that can be said to make you feel better, other than we're all here for you to talk to if you feel that you can.
I've been ducking out of the discordant threads, and just looked for more sociable ones. It's settled again now, thankfully.
Love and hugs, Nellie. xxxxx

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 16:43:56

pogsgrin
ella,anno,number,merlot thank you,and ella ,thank you for the elevation up the ranks as nobility.....think silk purse and sows ear come to mindxxxxx

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 16:53:41

Maybe Contessa Smoluski?

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 16:54:36

marelli and Ariadne thank you also,and I am sure I haven't thanked everyone ,if I haven't I am so sorry the good wishes are meaning so much to me,I would hate to have left any one out,*gracesmum,Tanith,when,*right now just wish I could have you all in one room and say thank you to you allxxxxxx

soop Sat 20-Oct-12 16:59:24

We're with you in spirit. flowers

And now, I really do have to get a move on. Today has been happy. I shall raise a G&T [with lime and ice] to you all at six sharp.
moon smile

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 17:00:57

Wow have just read all of you on page one again there are so many of you ,kitty mishap,Jane,harri,glass gally,grannylin,moomin,shysal,elegran,gally,notso,learner barrow ,jeni,glass bags,absent,grrrranny,nannaanna,just thank you allxxxxxx

gracesmum Sat 20-Oct-12 17:16:23

an' me? smile

gracesmum Sat 20-Oct-12 17:17:41

Oops - just seeen earlier post - that's what happens when you list people!!(There's always one who wasn't listening!)blush

bikergran Sat 20-Oct-12 17:28:49

Smoluski (Nellie) smile how nice to see you back on GN, I think some times when we are feeling low, we can't do with people bickering and arguing,
you may think that no one would notice when a popular Gransnetter dissapears hmm but how wrong can we be smile "welcome home" smile flowers (they may need a bit of water) smile

mrshat Sat 20-Oct-12 17:32:41

Delighted to see you back Countess!!! Keep positive and strong. The black dog is a nuisance, arriving uninvited when you least expect it. However, GN is always here to talk to. So pleased you are leaving it behind now. Look after yourself. flowers

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 17:35:39

Thank you biker and mrshat
Flowers are lovely ,mrsH all my friends just call me nelliexxxxxx

Greatnan Sat 20-Oct-12 18:24:14

I have been off line in a gite in the Pyrenees and I was so relieved when I was able to come back on and know you are with us again. The forum is simply not the same without you. sunshine sunshine sunshine

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 18:26:56

Thought you'd gone missing on some obscure Pyrenean track Greatnan!

Maniac Sat 20-Oct-12 20:08:18

So glad you are back.Thank you so much for sharing .Love you

flowers

NfkDumpling Sat 20-Oct-12 21:31:16

So many words of welcome, if this was a party it would need a very big house! Welcome back, from a gate crasher who only knows you to see (as they say round here).

Ella46 Sat 20-Oct-12 21:34:57

Crikey nellie, you've definitely made an impact, Greatnan has used emoticons!!!

[Unheard of emoticon]

Greatnan Sat 20-Oct-12 22:28:26

Yes, it takes something really special to get me using them -and having Nellie back is certainly something special. smile

nanaej Sat 20-Oct-12 23:10:53

So glad you are feeling up to posting again. Take care and looking forward to many more posts from you. flowers

Butternut Sun 21-Oct-12 17:22:46

Nellie,l've just logged in as I'm on holiday and it's great to see you back. The black dog is ghastly, so very pleased you are feeling so very much better ( sunshine). Take care.

Smoluski Sun 21-Oct-12 17:30:31

I am so lost for words and can't find a way to express how much your concern
,love and support means to me ,if all of this was a medication on prescription there would be no need for drug therapy to treat the black dog,it is a powerful therapy,and once again I thank you from the bottom of my heartxxxxxxxxxlove nellie

Nonu Sun 21-Oct-12 17:41:23

Butter , where on holiday ? smile

bikergran Sun 21-Oct-12 18:20:22

and no one else is leaving Gransnet" cos!! I have locked all the doors! meshed all the windows and posted BIG burly security gaurds on any tunnels/holes or escape routes! *There is! NO way out and if! there was! I have the keys grin

bikergran Sun 21-Oct-12 18:20:56

oh heck sorry didnt mean to shout! put my astericks i wrong place grin