'friends'

I would try to arrange to meet one person at a time, rather than a group meeting. Ask her to choose a time, date and place. Are you sure you really want to keep in touch with them? I think life is too short to spend any time with people whose company I don't really enjoy.

I am afraid that I feel that once one has left a place of work, however friendly these people were, it is usually a case of out of sight out of mind. Cast your mind back to people who have left before you with whom you were quite friendly. Are you still in touch?

You very quickly find that you don't have much in common with people you used to work with. A year might be too soon. Somewhere down the line nostalgia will kick in and it could be different. Could it be that you regret leaving?[just a thought]

People often talk about meeting up, but if none of you is prepared to commit, why not just let things drift along as they are?

I agree with all of the above - I would cut and run. If people really want to meet, they usually find a way and as others have said, once you have gone, you have gone!If they are true friends, you will find a way. (I am in a similar position and gradually weaning myself off former colleagues, fond as I am of them, we now have very little in common any more)

After leaving my last two jobs I kept in touch with one or two people I had been really friendly with and met outside work but without the common denominator of the job it soon became clear we had nothing to talk about and the friendships petered out.
Life moves on and new friends appear. If they wanted to stay in touch surely they would have made more of an effort.

I left my job (early retirement) in September 1992, and am still getting Christmas cards from 3 people there, although 2 of them are retired themselves now. I really would prefer to cut all ties to the place, as I wasn`t happy there, so last year I didn`t send cards back, but then I felt really mean and guilty, have done all year. Now I don`t know whether to send cards again this year or not.

When I retired early ties were cut by everyone completely much to my surprise it was a very sudden retirement and not one of my colleagues even rang to find out what happened even with a very close colleague who I worked with for over 10yrs. We occasionally comment on each others facebook pages and twice she's asked if I want to do lunch but never commits to a time and day so I've just accepted it and moved on.. I was upset at the time but life's too short.

The writing is on the wall I think. Cut and run, as that is your instinct, and concentrate on the friends you have now.

Everyone was very solicitous when I was made redundant. I sent Christmas cards to my ex-colleagues but clearly they had forgotten me. Too bad - I had my own life, and moved on.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate all your comments
It looks like this is not an unusual occurrence
I feel more confident now in moving on and enjoying my new life and new friends
Much Love
xxx

Good for you Pattie. I stayed in touch with a few colleagues when I retired three years ago and we have all gradually drifted over time. A couple are in touch and I meet them for lunch every three months. I have more in common with friends from beyond work, though

A good decision Pattie you will make a new circle of friends so quickly just look at how many new friends you have made since posting,I worked with many girls on the sales teams when I was selling new homes we would swop and change employers depending on the state of the market and would find the same sales girls time and time again working for the team,over the years since my retirement I have kept in touch with maybe 5/6 and we all exchange xmas cards with a little update of our life but that is about as far as we take it.Move on and enjoy and keep posting to your new pals on here.

Pattie Like most others I have kept in touch with one or two others after leaving work, but usually my reason for leaving has been a change of location so the relationships have generally staggered on through several Christmases and then petered out.
number stick to your guns - unless one of them writes to enquire how things are; thereby indicating a genuine interest.

It's funny about your friends at work, once so important then once you leave it slowly erodes away. I had several what I thought were good friends in the job I had before I retired - I'd been at the medical centre for nearly ten years. I kept in touch and saw some of them over the following year. Now 8 years later I'm not in touch with any of them. Not by any of us making a choice about it, just the loss of a shared experience, work. When I went out for a meal with my friends several months after I retired we only had the past in common. They couldn't share my experience with my new job and my old job had changed as had I - there were new people there now and none of it meant anything to me anymore.
Nearly all my good friends now are people I met when my children were at primary school or friends I knew when I was young. None of my best friends are people I worked with.

When I lived in Manchester I worked on the census of employment each summer. We were an odd group of people but we produced our own little comic, written by a guy called John Broadhead. I have one little cartoon next to me as a write [it was all about my impending career guidance interview]. We didn't seem to do a great deal of work, and our ages ranged from very young to very old. They called me 'the dormouse' because I used to crawl into work and fall asleep at my desk. We worked above the Allied Irish Bank which was always being evacuated due to bomb scares, but no one seemed to know we were there so we'd leave work to find everyone in the rest of the building had legged it. One girl used to bring her cat in as we had a mouse problem in some of the rooms. Another lady used to joke about being a witch, and later on I learned that she lived at Alderley Edge which did have a bit of a reputation in that way. I would so love to meet up with those people again . We wouldn't have anything in common and all we'd talk about would be what we did for those two summers [although, sadly there probably aren't many of us left now]. I think John was the funniest person I ever knew. Oh, and there was Goody, a little Asian hairdresser who used to cut our hair [he said I had the thinnest hair he'd ever seen]. Sorry; I'm wallowing in nostalgia here.....it was quite a magical little time.

But nostalgia is what fuels social networks like Friends Reunited isn't it? Partly there is the curiosity of what happenend to so and so and partly an attempt to recreate happy times of the past. Rose tinted glasses usually make an appearance about now.
Having said that, I have just had an enjoyable lunch with a former colleague who moved on to another job some years before I retired and we didn't "talk shop" once as we have both moved on in our lives.

Hi everyone,

An interesting topic and one I can relate to very well. I retired from work a year ago, and have met some former colleagues about three times since, however, there was just nothing really left in common. This was depsite the fact we were very close when we were at work and knew all about each other's families etc. We worked night duty together and shared many personal stories etc at four in the morning!!!! and developed a close bond.

I have two friends that I would always have seen both in and out of work and that hasn't altered.

It's definitely a bit strange when you are all sitting round the table for coffee or whatever and the talk inevitably turns to work and I have nothing really to add or contribute.

But clementine from what you say, you talked a bout your families and other personal things in your chats at work. Why should that change?

I have a feeling that people come into your life for a reason and when that reason has been resolved they leave.

I met one or two people after I gave up work and have kept 'loosely' in touch with one and just Christmas cards with another. Our lives change over time especially once we retire or give up work. We move in different circles especially if we take up leisure pursuits. I retired through ill health and ended up in a wheelchair. Quite a few people I worked with found that difficult to deal with although if you asked them outright they would be 'cool' with people like me.

You have put yourself out to try and arrange meetings and they are making excuses. I would try and forge a new life with new people and new interests. Keep the door open by sending cards at Christmas making sure they have contact details for you, if you are in the habit of sending birthday cards you can continue. I found that with people I had been in contact with gradually correspondence stopped - no Christmas cards, no emails, no phone calls. I had lost touch with the goings on at work and they had other people to call friends.

I have moved far away now, have new sets of friends but the people I was really close to in my old life and still there. I think the reason the people you worked with have made excuses to not meet up is that they don't know what to say to you and the reasons they were in your life has fizzled out.

I have one or two good friends from most places where I have have worked. We would have been friends if we had met socially and that is why the friendship went on after the job ended. We meet up every so often and 'pick up' where we left off. Sometimes it can be a whole year before we meet again but the relationship is relaxed and natural. If the job was the only reason you had something in common then not much point in maintaining a relationship, spend your time having a good time with real friends!