Looking after stuff.

Re absent grandchildren, not sure how it is possible to build the same sort of bond as I have with my infant stepgrandchild who i see several times a week and love dearly , also it's the native country of my daughter in law so feel very on the outside in lots of ways. Oh well it's early days and I will be positive! I wish I hadn't read posts about mother in laws and grandchildren on mumsnet, it seems you can't do right for doing wrong! I'm just trying to remember that when I had my babies all I wanted was to be reassured I was doing it right and a bit of praise, which is what I am trying to do now.

Hi storynanny. Welcome to Gransnet. There are quite a few of us with grandchildren living in another country – mine are in New Zealand. It is hard but then I reckon we are better off than some grannies who are prevented through family estrangement and dispute from seeing grandchildren who live here. It is, indeed, a funny old world and you will encounter many of its funniest aspects – ha ha and peculiar – on our forums.

Jodi It is strange clearing the home of a dead relative and feels somehow quite intrusive. However, I don't think it matters if we don't recognise any value in someone else's little treasures. If they got pleasure from them, that is surely enough. What I never understood were the dozens of plastic carrier bags full of old stockings and the dozens of old paint cans stowed away in cupboards all over the house of one of my late aunts.

I'm just in the process of helping to clear out my aunt's house. We all have treasures, things we keep for various reasons, don't we? But it's hard to know what to do with other people's treasures when they pass on. Some can be kept by the family, but there are others that mean nothing to us ( who are some of these people, what did they mean to her?). It's very sobering and

Use your best things every day, wear your best clothes and your favourite perfume every day, don't keep anything for best as today is the best day- I'm trying to remember this advice given to me many years ago.
I'm new here, struggling with being a first time nanny to a new baby in USA

we have a treasured Ecko Belvedere lavatory seat which we have had for over 50 years. In fact we have two! They have moved house with us and I can say I have never found a more comfortable seat. If I ever have to go into a care home, I shall take it with me!

My mother used fine china every day, she did not own any mugs or pottery. She had a Japaneses dinner and tea service that was really beautiful but the cups were wide and shallow and you never got a hot cup of tea. Nelliemoser your china will keep the memories alive. I don't have my mother's china but my sister does so it is still around.

I have a lovely Royal Doulton "Cascade" tea set my mum very proudly bought in the late ?1950s. She could be very pretentious about being posh in some things but never quite go it right.
This is very lovely soft green colour with a delicate design. but as mum discovered early on, the cups were so wide at the top the tea cooled far to quickly.
I have it on display though because it is just very pretty.

I have never understood the point of having "nice things", whether fine china, crystal glasses, lovely linens, and not using them. Some special things inherited from family members I use infrequently, often because they cannot be put in the dishwasher or washing machine (depending on exactly what they are), but everything gets an occasional airing.

When I was a child my mother used to go berserk if any of us children ever broke anything. I made a decision then that people's feelings are always more important than things, so I never make a fuss when things get broken. My son, in his early teens, broke a crystal serving bowl that had been a wedding present and the poor boy was inconsolable. Generally though I think that stuff is just.....well, stuff. And if it breaks, it breaks.

I still have plate I bought as a student. I don't even like it but 'it might be useful some time'
Do you think I'm a hoarder?

I have a tea and coffee set that I have been using since I got married in 1967. I also have a pyrex dish that has been used every single day for the last 45 years.
I have not been so lucky with furniture, suites have had broken springs and so on but I put that down to the manufacturer as children were never allowed to jump on the furniture.

I wouldn't like to lose some old letters written to my dear Grandma by her brother from the trenches of WW1.

Much less valuable to me (but I'll be a little bit sad when it breaks) is the last remaining earthenware mug from a set of six given to me as an engagement present. It has been in almost daily use since 1974. I don't really break things but my sister has been rather clumsy over the years and once (during the same short visit) broke two little china dishes given to me by my Grandma, I found that hard to shrug off.

In the main though, I don't really care about possessions. I've never owned anything of any great monetary value. I've replaced furniture over the years when I've been able to afford to do so as my house was originally furnished from dealer friends of an uncle. This uncle 'bought junk and sold antiques' - his words!

I worked for a very rich man who was quite irrational about possessions. He had some very heavy leather suitcases, which were suitable for motoring but useless for flying. Instead of trying to sell them, or give them away, he paid £3,000 to have part of his loft boarded over so he could store them. When I asked him why he didn't get rid of them, he said they had cost £5,000 and couldn't understand when I pointed out that they had then cost £8,000.
They also had a hideously uncomfortable suite and again, when I asked why they kept it but sat on leather armchairs he said it had been very expensive.
A good rule is - keep nothing that is not either beautiful or useful.

As a family we are not "breakers" and I must admit I get a bit miffed when people are clumsy with my things.
We keep china for years but my SIL manages to break Denby, quite a feat in my opinion!! He has broken about 12 bits. His DD (age 8) dropped a plate and broke it the other day. He had the cheek to get cross with her. My DD put him in his place very sharply as it was her first ever breakage.
When we were first married we had a BHS china service. Plain, cheap and functional. Trouble is I got so bored with it and even tried accidentally dropping a cup down the stairs and the damn thing didn't break!! We still have it all in a box in the loft. No one will ever want it but OH won't get rid ;)

Having done two huge clearouts after deceased relatives I have come to regard a lot of accumulated possessions as just 'stuff'. It strikes me as remarkably sad that old folks keep so much 'stuff' thinking that following generations will want it when in the cold light of day much of it is of little value or use. I treasure photos, letters and diaries and a few key bits of jewelry (old wedding rings etc). But, in the cold light of day china that will never be used, ornaments that clutter surfaces and furniture that clutters rooms and gathers dust has an emotionally draining effect. Once we had got rid of the last bits (once close family had chosen what they wanted) we all felt truly liberated!

I've "looked after" my china much better since I had a more forgiving floor put down in my kitchen!

I don't care much about possessions. If my house burnt down I think I would only care about saving my photo albums, perhaps some books, letters, and some lovely/daft little things made by my children when little.

I've always looked after my belongings, but now I'm just using/wearing everything.
When I left my first OG, my clothes were all in bin liners and I had 2 new sofas and a small tv.
I didn't miss anything. He was a millionaire and we had everything!
That's when I realised that material things just aren't important.

I do still look after my stuff, but I don't make a big deal of it now.

I agree with you, Jess. I don't even have paper photos now, as they are all put on the computer and stored with Picasa.
My lovely daughter has just posted a photo of her kitchen in NZ, which she has painted a beautiful Wedgewood blue. She says her cooker, which came with the house, is as old as her husband, but not in such good working condition!

I tend to think it is not a good thing to invest emotional capital in things. They are ephemeral. They really do not matter.
When I left my first marriage it was with nothing, not even baby photos. Like many wives with frightening partners.
I am just trying to think if there is anything i own that I would be heartbroken to lose. Stuff on my computer. A few bits of paper.
I have a chair that belonged to one grandfather and a wooden chest made by my other grandfather and a bit of stained glass made by my father. None of these 3 survived to my 5th birthday, so i have no memories of them. So I would have a pang if they were destroyed. That's it.

I keep things. I have a lovely china tea set that my uncle gave us as a weddi g present. I never used it very much but after I retired I decided I would have proper afternoon tea at four o'clock using my tea set. The tea tastes much nicer in the bone china cups
I only have things that I really like. We have had the same curtains in the lounge for 25 years since we bought the house, and I still like them.

I am although I don't have anything of any value particularly. I have a small glass sugar pot that was my Mums and I've used it every day since she died 20yrs ago it just reminds me every time I use it of her. I have a few Victorian glass pieces but I really have nowhere to display it in this small house so its packed in a box don't think either of my daughters will want any of it though so quite why I'm 'saving' it I don't know.

My daughter has the same 'Country Roses' set with tureens, tea and coffee sets, dinner plates and lots of extras like salad servers and a cake slicer, left to her by her paternal grandmother. It never sees the light of day because a) she prefers modern crockery, and b) she's scared of breaking anything.

I have my grandmother's 'old pots' which are Victorian Violets china, and some have been broken over the years and glued back together so I can keep them on display. I use them every now and again because I want to enjoy them, too. I've had lovely cut lead crystal glasses that were broken even though I didn't use them, so now I use everything and hope for the best. If they break, they break, and I'll try to replace them. Having small grandchildren tearing around my house, I ensure they know my rules about behaviour and move the odd precious thing to a safer place just in case.

Generally, my things tend to last. Some are antiques, so if they've lasted over a hundred years, I figure they should be ok for a few more