I Dread Christmas, 2012

Christmas is like a magnifying glass or a bright light showing up all the imperfections in our lives which we usually manage to keep under wraps the rest of the year.Ther is the expectation that it will bring us lots of Ho Ho and God rest Ye Merry and Comfort and Joy and as it rarely lives up to any of these expectations it can be a dreadful let down or, as many have admitted, something to dread. As jessM says - it is just one day( or at worst 2). it will be over and whose business is it what we do except our own. Cards, pressies, tinsel and fairy lights may be fine for some, but anathema to others.
If you really cannot bear to spend Christmas with your DH, how about volunteering for one of the Homeless centres for the day? I have never done it, but know some people who have and they have assured me that ifyouI were feeling lonely or low, making it a good day for others would be a reward in itself.

Christmas is like holidays; we expect it to be wonderful and, when it isn't we feel that everyone else is having a wonderful time [they're not]. I don't even know where I'll be this year; speaking to my daughter again but haven't been to their house for a long time and feel very uncomfortable about going there [if I'm invited, that is]. I sometimes think my ideal Christmas would be a long walk in the country [cold with just a touch of frost but with blue sky] followed by a meal in a beautiful country pub and then home to watch something good on the telly. I think once we get into stepfamily territory everything starts to get very complicated. It hit me one year when we had Christmas dinner with the S.O.'s family due to another disagreement with mine and I mentioned to them that my daughter was pregnant. In that instance I realised that it meant nothing to them [why should it?] and somehow I felt that I didn't really belong there. I miss my in laws dreadfully because they were my family, and always feel I should be with them at Christmas time. What I'm trying to say janey is I kind of know where you're coming from [never use one word when twenty will do, me ].

janey, my heart goes out to you. If my ex wasn't now living a very long way away, I might be in the same situation, although my DSs are very caring souls as are their OHs. Lots of bad things have happened in my life in December/January, so I am especially sensitive. Please, janey, do keep posting and sounding off on us. We're good at absorbing other grans' angst. and make yourself a or pour yourself a

That's very sad janey. Don't know what to say really.

We all have our patches like that janey and the short,dark, wet, cold, windy days surely don't help at this time of year.
I have to some extent conquered my pre-xmas gloom but I do have to use some coping strategies.
1. minimise the darn thing. No cards. No decorations. Pressies minimal e.g. kids only. use Amazon for most.
2. try not to think about it too much. Avoiding shopping helps
3. Tell myself it is only one day, and that will be ALL RIGHT when it happens - just have to go with the in-law flow and not feel disapproving of the immense expenditure on pressies.
4. Be pleased with any pressies I have , even though I would rather someone else got an oxfam goat or toilet. (look at it as an opportunity to stock up on essentials like replacement cotton nighties)
5. Get outdoors for a walk every day, even in bad weather.
etc

Thankyou Sel and vampirequeen for your understanding. I dont think I made it very clear what I meant so sorry about that. My ex and his son are staying with my DD and her family. I think that is just fine but it does exclude me and DH as we were last year and previous years because she was living with in-laws we were included there which wasnt the best. I realise its a difficult time of year for all step families but it doesnt the emotional baggage becomes any easier over the years to deal with. Even if they are totally irrational and almost petulant at tmes I suppose. There is so much strain put onto all who do not have the ideal family set up. To be honest I dont even want to spend xmas with DH as his idea of a celebration is getting as much alcohol down his neck as possible. I actually cannot believe I am saying thi but I think I am nearing the end of my tother with a lot of stuff in my life. Must be the menopause or just the dawnig of sense? Who knows. Weary of it all if honest. Sorry to be so miserable. X to all

That's a good idea. What a shame your sons don't see how important family is.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas either, for various reasons, but mainly because if a big fall out last Boxing day between my two sons, which has resulted in them not speaking since. It means I can't see them and their families all together. It is so sad that my GC don't get together anymore. I am going to spent the holiday with my best and oldest friend instead.

That is so sad hunni. Christmas just rubs salt in the wounds.

I echo what nanadog has just said.

xxx

celegran some people don't deserve loving parents like you. Perhaps one day they will wake up and realise what they've missed. There is always hope.
(((((Hugs))))
In the meantime enjoy your DS who obviously values you and wants you with him and his new family at this important time of year

just wish there was not so much hype and huge expectation each year!! I guess if things were normal in our family and i had my little grand daughters to see I would be different,

But hey ho we are going my to dearest Son and his new partner and step sons, have bookd hol inn for xmas night on Sunday and all sorted!!

got keep smiling somehow!!
We taking a carefully chosen book for my little grand daughters one we knew and adored and one never seen plus Next vouchers for each of them have chosen card, will pop in letter box and not even ring the bell, next Monday please send us positive wishes for that!! we then going to Ipswich park and ride to take minds off it!!

I'm not crticising janey at all!

Just trying to get the situation clear in my head.

In case I can offer any invaluable words of wisdom.

Grumble away Janey. I must admit to being a Christmas loony but I can understand why people don't like it because there are aspects of it that I can't stand either.

Why not plan a Christmas that is just for you and your husband.? What do you want to do? Do you have any traditions...if not start some? Why not start the day with a special breakfast? Treat yourselves to whatever you like for lunch...it doesn't have to be a turkey dinner. Buy in some treats. Do you like walking? Wrap up warm and go and feed some ducks. I love the peace and quiet of Christmas Day. There is hardly any traffic and even walking in towns and cities feels different.

Plan your Christmas around what you and your husband like. If you want to, say you'll pop into to see your daughter on Christmas morning/afternoon but you won't be staying long because you're going to.....whatever you've chosen to do.

Christmas is a time to rest and enjoy. Family hassles spoil it. So forget the hassles and share a special day with your husband.

It's ok to grumble on this thread janey - that's what it's for!

harrigran I think janey wasn't saying that she would fall out, rather that she is told where and when her Christmas will be. There are so many broken families nowadays that Christmas, which is supposed to epitomise happy family gatherings is a minefield for many and a very unhappy minefield at that...I for one am happy to be off to the sun for a week and avoid it all. Expectation versus reality is the problem for many people.

I must admit I didn't quite understand the set-up, but I agree with JO5. What's wrong with spending Christmas day with your husband? Why should people feel sorry for you? If you were on your own, I could understand it...

I donm't get that janey. If is just her and her partner and their two children at their house on Xmas Day, that's four isn't it? Not six. (you say she is not going to "have it" re your ex and his son staying with them.

I would think it's up to her who she has at her house on the day. She should tell her dad and brother so.

I would think a nice quiet Xmas day on your own with DH would be nice. Especially if they came to you on Boxing Day.

I do not particularly care for Christmas but would never fall out with family over who goes where or who eats with who, life is way to short.

Oh dear I am going to sound awful to all of those who love christmas. I wish it would just disappear. Just yesterday my DD after a couple of innocent comments from me about xmas told me she "would not have it!" (this refering to her father(my ex H) and his son coming to her on the 23rd and leaving them on the27th). During which time I have been told that on the day "it is just the six of us" this being her my 2 GD's and her partner and every other day is fine. After an invitation to our place on boxing day I was told niether He or his son would feel comfortable with tha ,which I can understand. But where does that leave me and my old man. I will tell you. It leaves us like a lot of other years on our own again or having invites from people to join them as they feel sorry for us. Which I really do not want. I have realised reading back that I should add that she was saying that in relation to feeling like she did as a child when xmas's had to be negotiated between me and her father. I realise she has to try to please both of us but its usually me that is the last one to come into arrangemints. last xmas was awful as she had only just started talking to me after 2 months. Merry Xmas one and all!

Christmas very low key here this year but well organised as we are going to SIL
..first time ever of not being hostess with mostest,so am feeling a few frissons as long as not in the shops ..well the big ones anyway,have done pressies on internet ,cards written,only wrapping to do now,so quite happy to go along with the silly season ,as long as not over the top and in small doses.
still would love to go and work in a a homeless refuge one Christmas as a volunteer,and think would be great if E could join me to make her thankful for what she does have and enjoy the atmospherexxxx

Yes, get your own thread!

Ella

Is it perhaps time to start an "I love Xmas 2012" thread?

Nonu I love that too,especially in "Love Actually" which I've seen a million times!

Nigh on the same thing happened to me.

In my case however , it was Mariah Carey with All I want for Christmas.

That is my favourite of all time .

Came home put it on UTUBE and listened .

Wonderful !!!!! {Christmas Smile]