I Dread Christmas, 2012

£3,000 for a computer game? Really?

jess m..........i dont like christmas either,,,we have to buy presents,,,ugh,,,,i buy my family presents all the time,,,,,yes,,,where do they all go,,,put in cupboards never to be seen again or sold at the car boot a couple of years later, one year i bought all of my gifts from the charity shop,,,,no one ever knew,,,,saved a fortune,,,,,another year i said i dont want anyone here for christmas....didnt have any gkids then,,,,,,,and my man and me had beans on toast for dinner and the tinieast tree ever,,,,,we dossed on the sofa never got dressed and it was great never even answered the phone,,,,,,,i would like to go away but i know it will be moans from the kids,,,as they always come home for christmas,,,,,cos we go mad !!!!! i wouldnt put a tree up,,,i would stay in bed all day......im glad when its all over,,,,,,all the cooking etc i put the tree up i decorate it i do all the cooking i take it all down and do all the washing up,,,,,bar humbug yes,,,,sorry...so jess your not alone, and the kids all want electronics which cost a fortune,,,,,,,what do you buy a 11 9 and 8. my husband has just spent £3,000 on a computer game for his retirement,,,,so he aint getting anything,,,,me, ? just want a bunch of flowers and a craft magazine that i can read on the day im perfectly happy,

FlicketyB does it matter why we are dreading Christmas? Isn't it enough that we do?

jane and Marelli

I know that threads take their own route from their starting point but this one seems to be wandering away from the mood of the original mailing.

For those who, for what ever reason, Christmas is not something they look forward to or one they will spend alone, the sense of isolation must be intense and jollying along must make it much worse.

Perhaps other people who are or have been in JessM's position could let us know what they have done or how they have coped to help people like Jess and I am surely there others on Gransnet in her position, find their own way of getting through the festive season with minimum pain.

Christmas has always been rather hard work as my husband has always hated it (I hate to think what his childhood ones were like) but I'm a complete sucker for the whole thing and have always done my best. However 2 years ago there was a fair chance that he might not live through Christmas - but he did and now we are coming up to a second one he might not have seen so it does put a different complexion on it. Also we have a grandchild due on Boxing Day so heaven knows what complications that will cause - I'm not sure if it will be better if it's early or late!

Oh Ella, it's so sore, isn't it? . My dad died on my daughter's 26th birthday. When I'd phoned her that morning, she thought it was simply to wish her 'happy birthday'.

This year I have decided to buy charity gifts for most of the family . World gifts ,oxfam, and of course others r available from £5.00 .if you can't buy presents for gchildren directly try this route. Ive done the presents they already have etc and its upsetting .I find Christmas a difficult time so this year have bit bullet and invited all to pre Xmas gathering early Dec . Some coming some not but having had a bit of a do I will feel better.Sister and hubby +old priest 4 dinner.
Had 1 Christmas alone it's not good no matter what a brave face u put on Lv to all xx

That's hard Ella
My Dad died on Christmas Eve and although it was many years ago, it has never been the same since.
jess I sympathise, my son and DGCs are in the States and although we will be with them this year, I know most years we will not.
I hope you find something to enjoy with friends.

I spent last Christmas day alone by choice. I visited dad on Xmas eve and just did nothing all day.
It doesn't bother me really, I've worked behind a bar several times just so that I didn't feel obliged to go somewhere.
I haven't decided about this year yet. My ds and dd will possible both invite me and then I have to choose....ds is a great cook, dd is hopeless!
At the moment though it is just reminding me of dad and how much I miss him,and it's the first one without either parent.

Done four years now, Granjura. Improved my vocab re drains, road surfaces, building terms, budgets etc no end!

Barrow, how about sharing Christmas with a friend who is also widowed- or another Gransnetter in the same 'boat'?

Mamie, interesting that you've also been elected onto the Council - will be helping with village and school decorations etc.

I don't know when I last cooked a whole Christmas meal. After ex left, I used to have my uncle and aunt over - DS, then a trainee chef, would help with the cooking and uncle, who was a great cook, brought the pudding. I did the veggie bit for me and DS2. When aunt became very incapacitated and the DSs went abroad I went over had had my meal cooked for me by my uncle. Since they both died nine years ago - my very worst Christmas ever - one or other of my DSs has hosted Christmas for all of us. Both are excellent cooks so there's not much for granny to do except help DiLs to consume the Christmas wine.

One of my duties as a councillor is to help put up the village Christmas decorations. Like most of rural France, nothing matches, nothing is colour co-ordinated and the crib figures (which are very, very old) are all different sizes with huge sheep and tiny camels. The baby is enormous. Fun, though. Last year it was just the two of us, with neighbours in for "les mince pies" (one of the meanings of mince in France is roughly "damn"). I seem to remember spending quite a lot of time training can-can dancers and OH thought I had gone quite mad!

I'm sorry that some of you will be alone at Christmas. It is my worst nightmare tbh and we who are lucky enough to be with our families only make it worse for you by our excitement.

Maybe there should be a thread on gransnet where the C word is not allowed so at least you have some respite from the shop fest frenzy.

I have always loved Christmas but this year will be my first on my own - not sure how I feel about it. (Last year I was in Australia where all my immediate family live). I will do the Christmas tree and decorations as usual and bring out my Husband's last Christmas card to me. Will try to be cheerful and festive as I know he would want me to be

HI folks. Thanks for the good wishes. I am ok but know that some of us need this corner of GN as a refuge in the next 6 weeks.

We're hosting Christmas for DD1 and the two DGSs this year then the rest of the tribe will turn up (at her's) on Boxing Day but they're all coming back to us for lunch. I have given myself a stern talking to already....I will NOT moan about the hard work and exhaustion because two years ago plans to stay with DD2 and her family fell apart at the last minute because the poor things were all struck down with the winter vomiting bug . We spent a really miserable Christmas on our own because there was no time to make alternative plans. DD1 in Madeira and fell out with her partner's mother so on Christmas Day nobody spoke to her apart from her poor partner who is terrified of his mother . Their flight home was cancelled due to severe storms so she was a nervous wreck by the time she got home. DS and his family were with in-laws but the grandmother died on Boxing Day so it truly was the Christmas from Hell for everyone.

I feel for anyone spending Christmas away from their families. My widowed friend always goes on holiday with her neighbour - preferably to a country that doesn't celebrate Christmas.

jeni

Granjura, you make me wish I was going to be around to share your Christmas! I know your hospitality is wonderful.
Last year I was in NZ so Christmas dinner was a 'barbie' in the sun, but this year I am going out in Mid February to end March. I won't be alone, though, as I am spending three weeks in Manchester with my sister and her youngest son and his wife have invited us both to go up to Glasgow on Christmas Eve and leave on Boxing Day. If the M6 is clear, it is only a four hour drive. I have always got on well with all my four nephews and it will be nice to see my great-nephew and niece open their presents.
I stopped hosting (but not paying!) when my older daughter was 17, as she is a much better cook than me. Three years ago, when they were still in Yorkshire and her sister had not stopped contact with us both, she had 22 family members and partners for Christmas lunch. Each year, another high chair was added at the end of the table!
I have not heard from my younger daughter since before last Christmas and I don't expect to hear from her this year. I expect she and the three gc at home will go to lunch with her oldest daughter. She has never hosted anything, always leaving it to her sister to do all the work. Fortunately, her daughter is an excellent cook.
I have only spent one Christmas without my family - I went away with Saga to an hotel in Birmingham. The other guests were very pleasant, but much older than I was at the time. It was pretty miserable.
I think if I ever find myself alone again I will volunteer at a charity lunch.

Jingle alone is hard!

Agreed Mamie, this commercial advent that begins in September or early October in the UK, with adverts aimed at children, cards, toys, decorations - far far too early - and it totally ruins it for me. Well, no longer, as like you I am no longer in England- and it is very low key here - the run up starting with the old Advent, eg early December.

I just love having our daughter numero uno, OH and kids for Christmas as we did last year. So much fun playing in the snow, etc. Our youngest will probably never be with us at Christmas- as she lives in the Canaries and her business takes in the most money around that time, and they have the visit of her partners's children and grand-child.

This year we will be on our own - and I am really not upset by this at all. I'd hate my children to feel they HAVE TO be with us, ever. And I also want to reserve the right, if ever I feel like it, to say 'well this year we fancy going to Timbuctu'. As we have many expats in the area who will be on their own too, far too far from their families, I think we will do open door for them- sharing the cooking etc.

I've hosted Christmas for 39 years and this year family will all be elsewhere so it will be very different. I won't miss the work, the shopping, the bedding, getting rooms ready, the cooking and most of all, the responsibility for everyone having a good time. Myself and partner will go away somewhere and I am actually looking forward to getting away from it all. Financially, we are fortunate to be able to do this, thank goodness.

I feel so sorry for those people and there are so many, for whom this time is torture... to them.

I know how it feels JessM. I am sitting in my office with seven piles of presents on the floor, each with a name and list in front of it. I've not quite finished the shopping for everyone, then it must all be wrapped, packed in boxes weighing less than 2 kg and sent off at the rate of £20 or more by the first week of December. Will the craft kits just end up on a high shelf because no one has time to help little hands make their contents? Will the clothes fit? Is another activity set for the baby just more junk for the cupboard? Our house is in chaos because we are redecorating the whole thing so I shan't be putting up any decorations or a tree this year and I think Santa will be giving our roof a miss. I can't even summon up enough enthusiasm to think of something special to cook for Mr absent and me.

<hugs> and to cheer you up.

There is a lot of things at Christmas you can enjoy without all the family there. As Mamie says, muddy walks (like that! ), fireside mince pies, Christmas cake.

So long as you have got someone there with you.

Alone must be hard.