Moving out of the family home due to age/mobility issues?

tanith I used to work with older adults, I've seen how some people struggle at home and it's crap. I just want them to be happy. I know they love their house as it is but if Dad can't manage stairs it needs addressing. His family tend to make old bones so he could well have 20+ years of reduced mobility & I think if we take positive steps now to deal with it he can enjoy the rest of his retirement.

I really feel for you Summerof75 - (I've been there, done that ... with my own parents) but I agree with Tanith. It is THEIR decision, and all you can do is support them best you can. If they want to stay in their own home, then it is again, their choice. So getting more help for them, and getting a shower suitable for disabled and a loo downstairs would be great.

I've known friends who bought a huge house with their parents to share- and in every instance it turned out to be a disaster all round, as the needs of different generations differ so much. And also known friends who up-rooted their parents to come and live near them- and it just didn't work out, as they missed their friends and familiar surroundings too much.

I intend to listen to my children and take on board their advice and accept their help, when the time comes- as long as I feel I am in charge of my own destiny. I intend to get help here with the big house and garden as and when, and have no intention of going to live in a 1 bed bungalow or an OAP home- and would really resent it if I was pushed in that direction against my will.
Hope you find a way to feel re-assured and yet allow them to make their own decisions.

Thanks!

I've suggested grab rails in bathroom and getting some quotes for adding a downstairs bathroom. Then if the surgery is a no they can at least get on with the works while Dad has some mobility.

What lucky parents to have someone who cares and is prepared to support them through this difficult time.
I feel quite strongly that if my OH and I are struggling to cope, we should do whatever is easier for our DDs, so they are able to support us on their terms with the least amount of agro for them. I hate the idea of being a burden and so their wishes are paramount.
I suggest you think about what will be easier for you to cope with, and put it to them with the pro's and con's. Buying and selling together can work, but also can have big pitfalls. It depends how you all get on. IMHO it is vital that you have your own front door and be independent from each other. My Mum lived with us for quite a while and it wasn't easy not having any privacy.
You all need to agree to be totally honest with each other from the start, when discussing the future, so you all know where you stand.
Good luck x

Have you actually asked your parents what their opinion is of all that you seem to be planning for them? Forgive me but its not your decision to make after all , and if it were me I'd want to make my own decisions about where what how and why I lived my life..

if they are happy where they are, i would be inclined to invest in a downstairs loo and shower room and if money allows a stairlift. then review the situation again in a few years. its good to keep as much independence as you can.

Your parents are lucky to have such a caring daughter. All the possible solutions sound feasible but I do understand why you'd like to have them closer to you. See how your dad gets on with the consultant and if he does have surgery that helps with his mobility problem, then the options may change. Good luck to all of you.