Fourteen children

Or ignorant or both Faye

Some people are just rude absent and Greatnan, they were hurtful comments and totally unnecessary.

Once, when I was a day care lady, my DH and I took the 7 day care kids and our own two for a day out in the city. They were all staggered ages and did look like one family, and we were both shocked and amused at the quiet remarks made by people passing us by, such as 'Why don't you try watching telly at night, for a change?".

As for the family with loads of kids, I admire them for doing exactly what feels right to them. They finance their family through their own business, and the children will be learning to do their share in the house, look after each other, and grow up with a sense of responsibility. As for the cost of their education and health etc: these costs exist for all kids regardless of family size.

I think there is a lot of negativity in society about benefits, but I'm all in favour of ensuring everyone has enough to live on, even if the state has to provide it. Without these safety nets we would have utter misery and much more crime, abject poverty and many more children living in deprivation, hunger, and bad health. Benefits keep the money circulating which keeps businesses going, thus helping the economy. The tabloids search around for benefit cheats, and then do lurid stores about them. Also, we all remember nasties like Karen Matthews. But these are not the norm.

I know you would never offend anyone, nightowl - my remark about hurtful comments was referring to all the many times my daughter has been told, even by the doctor delivering one of her babies, that she must be doing it to get the benefits! Of course, when she objected, he was 'joking'.

I had two twenty-one months apart and my DSs have also limited their families. But I wouldn't stand in judgement on any couple who chose to have a larger family, as long as they weren't doing it with a mind to depending on state benefits. After my second, I said to myself and anyone else who would listen, 'never again'.

Greatnan and absent I can understand you feeling protective towards your daughters and I agree that it is no-one else's business how many children a person/ couple have or how close together. I think there is a lot to be said for having your children close together if that is what feels right for you. I also agree that there is something to be said for having a child 'only when you feel that overwhelming urge' as you say Greatnan.

I certainly didn't intend to offend or upset anyone with my earlier posts and apologise if this was the case. I do think there is a world of difference between having a large family, having children close together, and this scenario where the mother/ couple seem unable to stop. And I agree with Faye's earlier comment that the younger ones might miss out on attention from their parents. In fact I would say that the older ones might also miss out - I think teenagers need parents as much as toddlers even though they would hate to admit it. Although the younger children in this family will undoubtedly benefit from having the attention of older siblings, it's so important that they have their parents' attention as well. Not to mention the middle ones! I just don't see how anyone, however physically energetic, can meet the needs of such an enormous group of individual children. But good luck to them.

Greatnan Absentdaughter has also been on the receiving end of some hurtful remarks. Also some slightly distant member of the family posted a comment on her mother-in-law's facebook page (or whatever it is called) where she had proudly put a photograph of all her grandchildren to the effect that she should have taught her own children about contraception. Absentdaughter was furious on both her own and her mother-in-law's behalf.

Yes, Faye, I am defensive as my daughter has had to put up with some very hurtful remarks about the size of her family. She had them in pairs - the first two are 26 months apart, the next two are 16 months apart and the last two only 14 months apart. She just thought it was nice to have a sibling close in age, as she is 18 months older than her sister.
I chose to have mine close together so they could be companions for each other and it worked well when they were small. I felt very broody before my first pregnancy but not for the second. I have since wondered whether it is better to have a child only when you feel that overwhelming urge, rather than to plan it rationally.

I had that feeling, the one that made me think "I'm ready for another", when DD1 was four months old. I interpreted it as a sign of 'recovery' from labour. My periods restarted at about the same time even though I was still breast-feeding DD. I find the feeling a bit surprising in someone who has sixteen children already. She must have huge energy reserves, be enormously healthy, and terribly organised. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Maybe it's just nature's way of indicating extreme fertility in combination with good health.

I also have met two women while pregnant with their fourth and twelfth child (plus both having an under one year old) have talked about not stopping there.

You seem to be on the defensive Greatnan, I hardly think your daughter's six children were born one after another with your daughter talking about her next pregnancy. I just feel it is very odd to be thinking of your next baby while nursing your newborn.

If this family wish to put themselves forward in the media people will discuss them.

If you do the maths you learn that she was 14 when she had her first child and her last one was born after a 16 minute labour, she has spent 9 years being pregnant. When I see the state of my body after a few pregnancies I can not begin to imagine what state hers is in

I think number 9 has pinched her, jingle

They look like lovely children.

No.

But I'm only saying.

Have you ever tried to get a large bunch of children to pose for a photo?
I have only four great-grand-daughters, and it took about six of us to get them all together at our recent wedding let alone to get them all smiling!

Number 8 in the picture on Faye's link doesn't look too happy about things!

I agree with you absent
I just happen to think it's quite sad when a woman who has just had a baby is already thinking about the next one. As I said, I have known several such women.

And probably a greater sense of self-reliance and responsibility.

What children in larger families almost certainly get is a bit of healthy neglect every now and then.

Greatnan I agree

Should we not be cautious about passing judgement on somebody we have never met? The older children might be very good at helping with the younger ones. Love is not a finite commodity. Is anybody going to claim that the children in small families always get more attention than those in larger families?

She may appear to have some sort of "addiction" but it does seem that this is a caring and responsible family who appear very happy - that's OK I think. I expect that the children get plenty of attention from the wider family - I know my older 2 girls were jolly good mothers to our little afterthought and she blossomed accordingly from having 3 "mothers."

It is not a lifestyle that I would choose as I think I have neither the patience nor the energy. I fear for this lady's womb - I am surprised it has not dropped out yet!

I just can't imagine going through that process (i.e. labour and birth) 16 times. Once was quite awful and painful enough.

I agree with you Faye. I have worked with women who are always thinking of the next baby, it's as though they are looking to fill a hole somewhere and never quite manage it. As you say, exactly like an addict. Large families in the past when there was no birth control were an entirely different matter.

Fourteen or sixteen, would they even notice. I find it very strange when a woman has just given birth and they talk about having another baby. There is no way that the one, two, three and four year olds are getting enough attention from the parents. The mother then goes out to work spending more hours away from home. I feel very sad for the little ones who would not get their share of cuddles and attention. I suspect she has an addiction.