First Christmas as head of the family.

HunterF, When my father died at the age of 92, I was 64 and it came as a shock to me as well.

As the eldest child, and the only one with children and grandchildren. I suddenly realised that while my father was alive - and he was fit in mind and body until his last short illness - he stood like a buttress between me and mortality. I was quite aware of the total irrationality of this attitude because my younger sister died in her 40s, predeceasing both her parents.

For some reason I have always been very conscious of the move between generations, the death of my grandparents, the birth of my children and then, five years ago the death of my father. It is not that I think my end is imminent, my health is good and I come from a long-lived family but one is suddenly made aware of the inevitable progression of life and that now there is no-one in front, one can only look back to those that follow

It's the other way round in our family. Older men short on the ground as they've either passed on or are mentally confused, whereas the woman go on forever.

Jodie I don't think there are any older females in Frank's family. I do know that his Mother and Wife both died some time ago.

Suffering from insomnia in an unfamiliar bed so cruising GN for company.

Hunter don't you have any older females in your family. You write of 'uncle' this and 'granddad' that, but never a mention of 'aunt' or 'grandmother' ...???????

I think I understand your feelings Frank. Are you worried that 'Head of the Family' responsibilities have landed on your shoulders when you are past your prime? Have you suddenly realised that the next death in the family will probably be yours? It does take a bit of getting used to, but when you think about it, as your father's carer in his latter years, you were already taking over his responsibilities and whilst respecting his wishes, you were the one carrying them out. 'Head of the family' is just an honourary title for the oldest member of the family. There are no onerous duties required of you. In your position, I think I might want to keep a watchful eye on the wellbeing of the rest of the family and act as a mediator if any dispute arose between them but you do not HAVE to do that.

My Parents and Grandparents all died in their 60's and 70's so I am aware that I probably do not have the longevity gene, whereas on the basis of your Father reaching 92 you may well have another 30+ years to live. Do not waste them by worrying about the future. You have been a good son, a loving husband and father, now the time has come for you to complete the set by being the world's best Grandad, maybe even a GreatGrandad some day.