Does anyone else think that there is far too much petty bickering on GN

That's the sort if thing which is actually prosecutable !!! A bit OTT mamie
You have just confessed you don't understand how words from a stranger can hurt, so perhaps you should leave this thread for those who do understand and can empathise.

Oh..wait that is rather nasty Jodi.

Oh yes, sorry.

jodi, leaving the thread for a while, or altogether, is the advice I was given by GNHQ when I got upset my some remarks on a particular thread. It was not said to be hurtful; it was practical advice. Good advice too.

upset by...

I back away for a few days every now and then. I come on here because Gransnet enhances my life. When it doesn't, I stay away

bags first of all I'm not upset. I started to get cross when the thread turned against the victim, left to have a coffee and am back. Let me get one thing straight when it comes to bullying. You have to listen to the person who is being bullied or alleging bullying. In the same way you have to listen to victims if other abuse. For too long they have been dismissed as 'whingers' or even liars. It's not up to the bully to hold the balance of power and define what bullying is.

I'm pleased you felt able to report something to GNHQ. Not everybody feels they can 'run to teacher' . I feel strongly that we should police the threads ourselves as much as possible, and that includes pointing it out to someone who is in my opinion going too far, being too personal, rude, insensitive, etc.

To return to the OP. it mentioned 'bickering' I think. This thread has explored hat happens when bickering turns into something worse. That's good, open discussion. We need to learn how to deal with this issue, not put it down by saying it doesn't happen, we knows it does or by trying to make the victims feel small and worthless, which is what sometimes happens. No one should be driven off a thread or worse driven from GN. Both have happened.

Precisely, when. That's now my learner behaviour re. forums.

' learned'

When this thread was started I wondered how it would evolve...

I think Jodi has hit the nail on the head. If someone plucks up the courage to say they have felt bullied, then they should be listened to with sympathy and their remarks taken seriously, not denied.

I also don't think involving H Q is the answer. It shouldn't be necessary to involve them. Many posters, myself included, would just leave GN instead.

I suspect this is just another case of head against a brick wall but really, even if we ourselves have never felt bullied or can cope with bullying or can't remember a thread with bullying/personal insults on it, the people who say they have deserve to be taken seriously.

Bet you gave it a good guess, jess .

jodi, there are people on GN (you are not one of them) who do little else but complain about being bullied. It gets a bit tiresome after a while. Similarly, there are people on GN who often appear quarrelsome. I do think that learning to take the rough with the smooth is the answer, along with avoidance tactics and using the report button if one thinks something breaks forum rules.

Well jeni I hope it does evolve in the best way.

Actually Jodi, if you read my earlier posts, I said that I had been very upset by posts from strangers on an ex-pat forum. I said I had never felt bullied. In my mind there is a clear distinction, but obviously others don't feel the same.

I puzzle over how anyone would choose to log on to Gransnet if they feel they are being treated badly. Alternatively, they can gravitate to the threads where heated debate is not happening. It's not compulsory - it's for our enjoyment. As Bags says, GNHQ is there to deal with anything that breaks their code of conduct on threads. We see enough deleted threads to know that this happens in a timely way. If a friend or neighbour was rude to me, they wouldn't get more opportunities to do it again. They can be rude to someone else.

I try very hard not to appear bullying, butthereare some things I feel strongly about, sorry that should be about which I feel strongly!
If I have inadvertently upset someone, I really do appologise. I try very hard not to be confrontational. I have enough of it at work.
In the spirit of the season

Peace on earth and good will to all (wo)men

By the way jodi did you mean me or*JessM*? She is tall and elegant , I'm tall and fat!

jeni I have never seen a post from you which is anywhere near bullying.

Time to leave this thread I think.

No point in making the same points over and over again.

jeni; can only agree with petallus .

Thankyou!

I think Jodi has made some very valid points and I hope she continues to stand up for those who need support.

It is easy to say just leave the thread/GN but that would mean giving in to some selfish/nasty/bullying behaviour which is surely a bad thing? In my experience it is better to stand up to such people or they will continue with their inconsiderate/arrogant/patronising behaviour and will have achieved their aim.

I have left controversial threads when I have felt it has all been said but this is different to leaving because of another poster's unpleasant behaviour.

You,re right, movedalot about the difference. However, I still would recommend leaving a thread for a while if it is upsetting you. I do it, so I know it is effective. Then you can come back to it and say some more when you have gathered your strength again. That's what I do. Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it. Neither would GNHQ.

The thing is, there isn't really anything else one can do except carry on squabbling or carry on complaining, neither of which achieve anything worthwhile.

Just come back to this thread and having read my 7.00 (ish) post of this morning have decided that I must try and take my own advice as have just been roasted on another forum after trying to defend a fellow pro Xmas poster. Note to self - MYOBB!!!

Going round and round over the same old script gets no-one anywhere, but I can do something about my involvement, so I'm taking a long break from this thread. Peace

Thank you movedalot I will and so will the others who stood together recently, zimmers on stun please.

bags sorry to disagree again, as I think you are a 'listening' type of person, but it's NOT a case of 'there isn't anything else one can do' I'm not advocating squabbling or complaining, but diplomacy, arbitration, call it what you will. We are surely, most of us anyway, of an age where we have fine-tuned these skills I'd like to,think.

No ceesnan don't walk away please. Perhaps you have been roasted but I'm sure you're only a bit seared around the edges and will life to fight/defend again.

Well, good luck to you, jodi. I think I'll just stick with walking away from what I don't like until (if ever) I feel strong enough to face it again without whingeing. I really do not think there are any out and out bullies on gransnet.