Does anyone else think that there is far too much petty bickering on GN

Cheelu,there is a great deal of friendship, empathy and generosity which far outweigh the bickering on the odd thread. I try not to put anyone's back up, but if they don't like my opinions, so be it. No point in arguing the toss because no-one is going to be swayed and in the end someone will end up feeling offended. So please don't be put off by these goings on - just avoid those threads and enjoy the rest of them.

Very good advise annodomini, thank you for that it was getting to me a bit.

CHEELU Yes at times there is too much petty bickering, but I would agree with anno regarding the friendship, empathy and generosity. I experienced this first hand when my husband had his second kidney transplant.

Don't be put off.

Hi CHEELU I wasn't sure or not whether to comment on your thread but having had a glass of wine (for courage) here goes:-

I totally agree with what you say. I have recently been bullied on a GN thread. I am sorry if some think bullied is too strong a word but I stick by it . In the thread it was suggested that I was bitter, that I felt hatred and finally that I should leave.

Well I am the kind of granny that dips in and out every so often. I have huge personal commitments ( 96 year old grandma, very poorly parents and 3 grandchildren, together with a small business) but I do enjoy a challenge and even a disagreement every now and again (crikey how boring if we all agreed all of the time) . I have serioulsy though about leaving GN (as was suggested) but then think why should I ?

I have found that the members here are basically friendly, supportive people who are always willing to allow others to voice their opinions. Yes there is some bickering, but very mild compared to some other sites. There's something about anonimity that can really bring out the worst in people and when you see the vile and offensive language used about the most innocent comments on other forums the GN members are positively angelic.

For me the thing that is really missing is a good sense of humour.
Someone like Jingle who I think has that sense of humour is constantly mowed down.

Having channeled threads for humour does not quite cut it.

Me? Angelic?

cheelu a do feel some gns are like bullies but most are very friendly i dont post much just lurk and some dont think gns should lurk x

gillybob I was actually also going to use the word bullied, its quite un believable, but I guess what I have learnt is--You are who you are and will stay that way regardless of your age. But I defently do agree with the other comments that there are lots of very kind supportive people on GN and this is life isnt it, its not always good out there. I am so glad you did not leave gillybob and can hardly believe that someone asked you to leave, you should have reported that. Thank you everyone for your comments and in put, it was very much appreciated...

london

Lurk away Lurkio I say. You do have a go every now and then, it's upto you if, when and how you join a thread.

CHEELU

The problem always surfaces when someone makes a sweeping statement that is tantamount to having a dig at G.N.'s personal beliefs. The outcome will always be to defend yourself and that's when it get's 'heated'. Perhaps as this topic surfaces quite frequently we all need to reflect how we post and think 'Am I offending or seeking good, honest debate'?

thanks pogs

The thing is cheelu, if your post is challenged in some way, its best to analyse the challenge, make your judgement and either respond or not, as you wish. Just try not to get upset because Gransnet is, in the main, a forum for a very interesting, intelligent, friendly, supportive and empathetic group. I have had so much support in my current trials and much very sound advice - which easily outweighs the odd negative comment.

Have any of you ever visited any other forums? Gransnet is a model of good temper and restraint compared to nearly all others I've visited!

Lilygran

I have never been on another forum. Takes me all my time to keep up with this one. I only found out what the 'active' button was for last week. I've been on here about 7/8 months. [idiot]

johanna - I agree absolutely!

lilygran there,s to many then i for get what one i have posted on .

cheelu Don't get us all started again! its the season of Goodwill!

I think Gransnet is generally very supportive. Some bickering goes on, more generally the banter is very funny.

specki's is a very valid point.

At times a lot of serious discussion goes on some of these posts and at times gets heated. This also happens regularly in discussion programs on the radio or television. Views get very firmly challenged and this can become very heated.
John Humphrys on the Radio 4 Today program is known as a "Rottweiler" if someone he is interviewing tries to avoid answering a question he is totally persistant in trying to get his question answered.

It may at times look rude but his interviewees have put themselves up to be asked such questions, as they are in power and making important decisions that affect us all. They should be able to justify what they are doing.

Some posters enjoy these heated debates, others seem to feel threatened when their views are being challenged. It is very hard indeed, particularly with new posters to know how they may react to such challenges.

London I can assure you I also forget which threads I have posted on.

I think if you make a provocative statement it is inviting people to comment. How boring if people just agreed with every comment.

Some debates do get heated, even offensive. It's not just a case of people feeling threatened when their views are challenged, sometimes the challenge is too personal, or prolonged. Or others join in and it feels like a bullying situation.

I think we can all do our bit to keep things on an even keel. Many GNetters will step in, intervene when this happens. We can also perhaps protect ourselves when we feel things are getting too tense by telling others when we feel enough is enough, rather than let things spiral out of control.

pogs my favourite button is 'last hour' but I only found out how to bookmark yesterday.

It might not be a provocative statement to the person posting it, we all come from different experiences and have different views.

My above post was in reply to harrigran

Well said Jodi.

london at the top of the page next to the 'active' button, there's another which says 'I'm on'. That will bring up a list of topics on which you have posted. Don't worry about not posting much, I don't either

Cheelu there seem to be some subjects that will ensure what some will call a heated/spirited exchange of views and others will regard as a thoroughly unpleasant show of bullying/patronising. These topics are normally to do with religion, politics or the paper you read. You can generally tell where the thread is going before it gets nasty, so just step away from the computer/tablet/laptop and do something more interesting than watch some irrascible elderly woman trying to browbeat someone in cyber space.

As Jodi comments, sometimes Gnetters will step in when they see the way things are going. Unfortunately, this is not always taken in the spirit intended. 'Who are you - the thought police?' and similar remarks only serve to make things worse. We all have a responsibility to keep things on a friendly footing. I have watched some tremendous debates on here that have been rigorous but polite. All credit to those Gnetters who don't rise to negatve comments.