Sad and scared.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and messages of support. I am sorry for not replying sooner, it has been a long day at work, and I have been feeing kind of disloyal posting about DH. His memory has been deteriorating for a couple of years, but we just thought it was age. Then for the last few months, he has started getting confused when his routine is at all disrupted, and he has dropped a lot of his old interests. Conversations are repeated only hours after we first had them. Sometimes he can be quite angry and defensive, and at others vulnerable and subdued. He also suffers from breathing problems caused by asbestosis.
However, I would say that the trouble we are facing has drawn us closer together for the time being.
I am very close to my two daughters (from a previous marriage). However, they are both pregnant (hurrah), and I have always been the one they turn to rather than vice versa. I work four days a week, and look after my 14 month old grandson, whom I dote on, one day a week, and sometimes for a few hours at the weekends. Also, I worry about my mother, who is 87, and lives three and a half hour's drive away. She is quite healthy, although immobile, at the moment, but at some point in the not too distant future, she is going to need a lot more help from me, which I don't grudge at all, as she has always been fantastic to me. My fear is that I am going to end up failing someone - daughters, mother, DH, and what about work?
For those of you who welcomed me back, thank you for remembering me! I am the same Tingaloo who had a flying leson for her 60th birthday in the Summer. I am happy to report that it was the most fantastic experience, one of the best in my life. Since then I have been on a zip-wire, which was also great fun. Not bad for someone who is frightened of heights!

It's my biggest fear, either for myself or someone I know. I'm so sorry for anyone going through this.

Thank you soop xx

tingaloo and Nanado I'm adding my love and best wishes to you both at this distressing time. GN is blest with so many wise members. Please continue to share your thoughts with them. Such support is priceless.

You're right kitty GN is great for support

tingaloo and nanado how awful for you both - remember we are here when you need us I would be sad and scared too. Your husband must be pretty scared too. Do you have family to help you cope?

My mum has dementia, nothing like the same as it being a DH I know, but my brothers and I cope by talking to each other and laughing about Mum, not at her, when we can. I some times post about the things she says and does, especially when she is nasty, and I get wonderful support on here. GN is brilliant at that.

Tingaloo - I am so sorry that you have had this bad news.

What treatement are they offering? Have you been put in touch with any support? Most places have a dementia team with nurses who go out and help to support the family/give advice/put you in touch with sources of help/ensure you are getting all the right benefits.

Do pm nando - it is always helpful to share your worries with someone who really knows how it feels - and I am sorry nanado that you too have this difficult challenge to face.

My OH has PD and there are signs that he is becoming more forgetful - there is a 30% chance that he will get dementia on top of his other symptoms. I do know how hard it is not to get ratty when you have repeated something several times - do not beat yourself up - you are only human. And do not try and be a saint - we none of us qualify and have to allow ourselves to be human and fallible.

Good luck with everything - do seek out support and try not to go it alone. Take all the help you can get. People are more open now about dementia, so there is nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.

Good to see you again, tingaloo. "Sad and scared" is exactly how I would feel in your shoes, and I am sorry to hear your news. You and nanado have a long haul ahead of you, and that alone is daunting to say the least. I do send both of you my love.

Hi tingaloo I'm in the same position. MrDog is in the early stages of vascular dementia so I understand exactly what you are going through. At first I was very angry. I hadn't signed up to caring for a partner who is going to become more of a liability than a soul mate.

And I had to fight for a proper diagnosis when his young doctor had the temerity to poo poo my worries at first.

But now I see it from his point of view. Imagine knowing you're going to lose your memories, your faculties, your dignity. I would feel very frightened and I know deep inside he does too.

Please PM me if you feel you want to talk ((((hugs))))

Hello Tingaloo, it's good to hear from you again although I'm sad that you're in such a difficult situation. Here in Devon we have the benefit of a number of Memory Cafés and I understand people have found them to be very helpful. Perhaps there's one in your area: www.memorycafes.org.uk/ it's probably worth finding out now about whatever help and services are available.

Hello tingaloo SO sorry abt your DH, there are so many new things on the market that help now a days. I remember reading an article once abt a lady that was at the beginning of dementia and she fought it tooth and nail by keeping her brain alert with writing and other things. The Dr's said that it had made a difference. Have hope, you could do search on google for new treatment because as said there is so many new things they use to help halt this, best wishes

I'm sorry to hear that Tingaloo {hug}

(((Hugs))) Tingaloo. It's a shock I know, but you will still have good days, and the important thing is that you know what has been happening now the doctor has explained things.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, Tingaloo but I do understand how scared you feel. I hope you can both enjoy Christmas together and face the challenges of the New Year with courage.

tingaloo I am so sorry its what we all dread, but don't feel guilty its natural to feel frustrated, we dont want to admit it could more than everyday forgetfulness. I am sorry I cant be any help but another Gnetter will turn up who has some experience in this. Sending you a {{{hug}}}

Tingaloo and (((hugs))) for both of you xx

Oh Tingaloo That is scary. I can understand how you have been getting frustrated with him. Dont beat yourself up about that, it happens.

I am sure other Gransnetter's will have better advice than I can give and you will find lots of support.

((((hugs)))) for you.

tingaloo - The heading for your post said it all. It must have been very sad news indeed to have received, and completely understandable that you're scared.
Try to get rid of feeling guilty - your frustration is natural in the circumstances.
Take care. x