Lil's Bar 4

Lovely Spring day today in Lil's beer garden...

'Hello, anybody there? This bloody pub is never open when I'm on my way home and fancy a pint of wine. Thought they'd have a lock-in. Better keep going -
"Show me the way to go home, I'm (something) and I wanna go home"...

Goose...........You should have used the kitchen window to gain access.....as long as you are able to get your leg over it's easy enough to get through

Pete I tried to get access via the kitchen window, well I thought it was the kitchen window (the little one round in the back yard?) but it was so small I got wedged half way through and it was only with the help of Bert from down in the village, who happened to be out walking his goat and eating dripping sandwiches, that after being smeared in dripping, and with him (and the goat) both pulling on my legs, was I able to slither back out. Then I was chased by a pack of hungry foxes all the way home. I shall not be going out tonight

With a name like goose I am wondering if you did get goosed being pushed and pulled though the window

Well she would have been if she had managed to get through to the bar...

My brief encounter with Lisa is now over She said I need to 'grow up' as she fell over my "space-hopper" in the hall.......

Pint please Lil.....

Smoluski I'll ave you know I am a plump breasted, grey, flighty old game bird - anyhow that's what Bert said last night - or was it his goat?

Sounds like he was weighing you up for the Sunday roast, Goose - especially covered in all that dripping!

Right! That's it. I'm going home (mutter, mutter..."all these bleedin city people coming here and taking over our pub, who do they think they are, bleedin wellie-throwers" ). You wait til I tell Bert what you said - he'll have your guts for gaiters, and by the way he wants his dart board back - he says he's fed up with you lot using it as a doorstop.

I don't think you've quite embraced the spirit of Lil's Bar, Goose...

Tell Bert that unless he wants the photos of him and the goat made public,he is 'advised' to forget about his dartboard

501 anyone.....

Pete The photographs of Bert and Bill the goat were (as you well know) taken at the 1952 Village Beauty Queen contest that Bill won by a whisker.
Now young Pete, don't you get on your high horse and start a-thinking on the lines of blackmailing my Bert, or else he'll be wanting them there domino and cribbage sets he lent you back as well So there!

"Who the .....heck is Bert?" as the song didn't go.

Just to let you know I will not be popping in tomorrow evening (might manage a quick one at lunch time, just have to see how the day goes) as I'm on B duty, looking after (not that he needs much now, he's going great guns!) the friend who had the stroke just before Christmas.

By Tuesday however I will no doubt be in need of something restorative as I will not only have supervised B doing his exercises (he's doing some of them on the Wii as part of a research programme, although as he does it sitting down I still think it should be a Puu) but will have walked 2 Labs and a Cocker for umpteen miles (yards? furlongs?) either though the forestry commission, along the beach or in the grounds of a ruined house owned by the NT. Fingers crossed for good weather!

Pogs has replaced the Dominos and Crib board

Bert is still barred, by the way, as he was getting people's goat up...

You can bar Bert as much as you want, but he knows about the toilet kitchen window being open, you won't be able to keep him out - he's a skinny little runt and can get through that window like a ferret up a trouser leg. The state that kitchen's in, you'll need to keep the window open to send fresh air round lest you all die from the fumes of your rotten fish paste and dandelion leaf sarnies. Any more from you lot and I'll send the goat down

The goat is welcome.........Bert is not!
Close the kitchen window Lil...after you've pulled that pint..

...and a fish paste butty please.....

Thank you Lil ...that was very filling!
Early night tonight as I'm up early tomorrow for a round of golf.......think I'll wear two pairs of trousers...in case I get a hole in one

Am I too late for a nightcap? I've just been duffed up by a mangy goat in the back entry car park!
My coat's got muddy hoofprints all over it and my jumper's half eaten away at the front...............there was a skinny little bloke asking if anyone had seen a goose with big boobs a plump pair!

Ella you need a large one after that!! Let me check your jumper

Night.... sleep tight

Pete, you told me that he was getting up someones goat, or had my ear trumpet packed up again by then? Some idiot had got a pancake jammed down it from pancake day!

Gramps....Have you seen the photos as well !!