Are you joking tanglerose.saying that you ar moaning, you mention a terminally ill garndchild, does it get any worse than that!!!!!
You have every right in the world to be moaning sweet, every right in the world!!
Amids it all try and find something that puts a smile on your face, bit it a favourite place or a favourite cake, we all have bad times-- the good news is that they dont last forever..
Your retirement has been spoiled by your family problems and probably the fact of having lots of time on your hands has given you time to think about the problems--but you could make the decision that you are going to spend your time doing nice things.
You are so lucky being retired, having the day to yourself to do as you please..the best bit for me would be NOT having to get up early!!
Best wishes x x