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A bit of a laugh

(67 Posts)
Nanado Sat 12-Jan-13 14:46:13

I keep being sent some humorous thoughts by an ex-colleague. Most of them are little gems and make me laugh so I'm sharing the latest one.

''Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtain for murderes, if you do find one, what's your plan? hmm

Anyone got any more? I can't complete with greatnan's jokes but I have a few more of these.

Kali Sun 20-Jan-13 14:41:22

I switched to H***al Essence shampoo and sadly discovered I don't have a G-spot on top of my head like the women in the commercials

Kali Sat 19-Jan-13 23:00:48

So is Mr K bless him moon

Anne58 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:59:38

Ah, as Mr P says "That'll be it then" !

Quiet, sort of stoic chap, is Mr P.

Kali Sat 19-Jan-13 22:55:33

I'm that and more phoenix
Kali

Ana Sat 19-Jan-13 22:55:02

She'd be fierce, then...grin

Anne58 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:52:33

anno I thought that Kali was the godess of destruction? (poss. Hindu, but could be wrong, often am)

j07 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:51:47

ho ho

Kali Sat 19-Jan-13 22:49:26

Take yourself to Pedants' Corner! Let us try shamburgers then grin

merlotgran Sat 19-Jan-13 22:46:29

Not quite, Kali, you need to lose an S

Kali Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:29

Is it a coincidence that 'hamburgers' is an anagram of Shergars Bum?

Anno grin
when wonderful, wish I could see that

whenim64 Sat 19-Jan-13 11:30:39

Can hardly type for laughing....I've just watched two squirrels sliding down the slates on my outhouse, frantically trying to get some purchase on the snowy roof. They looked like they were playing 'slides' at first, till they started scrambling back up. Hlarious! grin

annodomini Sat 19-Jan-13 10:46:02

Kali grin

PS in Swahili, kali means fierce.

Kali Sat 19-Jan-13 09:57:08

But I hear sales of horseradish sauce are up.

Notsogrand Sat 19-Jan-13 09:17:09

I bet the public relations department at Tesco are having a mare!

Granny23 Fri 18-Jan-13 23:15:41

Forget the Horse burgers from Tesco - I prefer my Lidl Pony.

Kali Fri 18-Jan-13 23:09:13

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass

Kali Fri 18-Jan-13 15:12:13

Oh for a like button! hmm

Grannyeggs Fri 18-Jan-13 13:33:38

The police are doing door to door enquiries about the horse meat in Burgers, soon they will have covered the whole Neigh- bourhood.

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:31:25

If God had intended me to touch my toes he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Kali Fri 18-Jan-13 13:28:28

I don't exercise...it makes me spill my wine G&T coffee

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:07:20

And a topical one:

I was in the cafe at Tescos having a bite to eat when the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger. I said yes, a fiver each way.



Tesco ad on telly says to get down there quick as the burgers will not be on offer furlong.



I've just check the Tesco burgers in my fridge ........ And they're off !



Tesco have take their burgers of the shelves because they've been found to be full of fat, salt and Shergar.

jeni Fri 18-Jan-13 13:05:44

grin

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:05:19

A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:04:36

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Nanado Wed 16-Jan-13 21:32:00

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm still tired today