If you write somebody a letter, saying that you are going to visit on a specific date

Go and visit?

Or do you mean they weren't in when you did?

I would ring them.

I mean if they didn't ring you to say that the visit was convenient would you just turn up anyway?

Oh, perhaps you meant is convenient, Bermeir? I was assuming you meant inconvenient, hence my puzzlement as to why you wouldn't just go.

I would call them.

Crossed posts!

I'd have done it on the phone to start with.

I remember when my I laws were alive they blankly refused to have a telephone in the house even though they lived in the middle of nowhere and about 4 hours drive from us. We could never visit on impulse and always had to write a letter telling them we were coming down. Sometimes we got a reply, sometimes we didn't and often it was guess work and really quite annoying not knowing if they would be in when we got there or not.

Sorry that didn't answer OP. if you asked them to ring if visit inconvenient and they haven't rang then I guess I would assume they are expecting you.

No, I think I'd ring first. Letters get lost or mislaid, people forget things (well, I do!) crises happen. So it would be courteous, albeit difficult maybe, to ring first.

It's hard to reply to you without a bit more information!

Who planned this visit in the first place them or you?

Did you do it by letter or phone?

Did they actually reply?

How far away do you live?

How long were you planning to stay?

Is it worth it?

Very true! And are you sure that they would want to see you? (A harsh question but worth considering.)

Aaaah but what if they don't have a phone annodomini and Ariadne and everyone else who suggested phoning first.

Aren't there at least some working phone boxes still around, gillybob?

Oops - posted too hastily there. You meant in the first place of course, not the letting-know-if-convenient one....

But presumably the OP knew they had a phone or wouldn't have asked them to call?

It depends how much you want to see them. I might see it as a good reason not to bother to go but then I am dropping anyone who expects me to do all the work in a relationship with me. I don't need them.

We have a similar problem. At Christmas, our daughter aqsked us to go to tea on hubby`s birthday, which is January 21st. At the time, she said it was on a Sunday, but it will actually be on a Monday. Now, since then we haven`t seen or heard from them, don`t know whether to go on Sunday or Monday, or even if we`re still invited. Daughter who lives with us says ring and ask, but I feel that if she`s changed her mind that it`ll look as if we`re inviting ourselves.

If you can't bring yourself to phone them, for any reason, Bermeir, why not send another wee message on a notelet? If you don't hear from them this time, I wouldn't go. I'd just leave it!

Yes, you could say that if you don't hear from them you'll assume the visit is not convenient, and you won't bother them again!

number I can't imagine why you might think your daughter would withdraw her invitation. It sounds like a simple mix up of the sort I come across all the time, so ring her and just clarify which day you're expected.

number I can't imagine why you might think your daughter would withdraw her invitation. It sounds like a simple mix up of the sort I come across all the time, so ring her and just clarify which day you're expected.

Not necessarily Movedalot we always had to write to my husbands parents and on the very rare occasion they did telephone us they had to walk miles to the next village to use the phone in the local pub as they wouldn't "bother their nearest neighbour" . It got me mad !

Who are these people who post a request for advice or comment and then disappear? Fortunately, it doesn't stop others from answering the OP and then answering each other and then going off at a tangent......

Yes, it always makes me laugh as well, Lilygran! Especially when the thread starts up again some time later with people giving advice, and the OP has never come back!