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The way things can be taken PLEASE READ THIS!

(132 Posts)
Anne58 Sat 02-Feb-13 20:59:38

Hello all,
I know that this has come up before, and I think that we can all appreciate that this form of communication has no face or voice, therefore it can sometimes be difficult to get the "feel" of what someone is trying to say or the tone in which it is meant.

Yes, we have emoticons that we can use, but even then the way a post is presented and received can still be open to interpretation. I have seen new members saying that they have decided to leave after "seeing" the way that some threads evolve, and they have been advised to stick around, maybe lurk for a while, before actually leaving.

Please can I ask all of you to do a little experiment? Try saying these words "It's quite nice". A very simple 3 word phrase.

Perhaps imagine someone showing you something, a knitting pattern, a photo, a fabric sample. Maybe a better example would be that you have gone with a friend to help her to choose an outfit for an occasion.

She picks up something that you feel a bit doubtful about, goes to try it on and comes out. It looks better than you thought it would "It's quite nice!"

She chooses something to try that isn't quite the thing, but you don't want to be too hard "It's quite nice"

Same three words, totally different inflection.

Perhaps I'm stating the bleedin' obvious, as the saying goes!

I'll get my coat!

Kali Sun 03-Feb-13 09:48:28

grumppa I take you point. But how much better it would be if they didn't say grumppa is talking rubbish and simply said I disagree because.......
Incidentally love the name smile

Oh, just read your post again Faye and I've said exactly what you said. Never mind, I'll let it stand as it reinforces the point.

Ariadne I am guilty as charged but when you feel like that there is often a reason as kitty said feelings are valid because you feel them. I am happy to let sleeping dogs lie, but that bl***y dog keeps getting up and barking again, and again!!!! grin

Ariadne Sun 03-Feb-13 09:14:01

And one shouldn't let one's feelings about other posters show! Mea culpa a couple of times, and each time I have regretted it and apologised but can see why I was wrong. sad

kittylester Sun 03-Feb-13 08:22:58

Faye I think you are right, nobody should try to tell another poster how they should think or feel as they don't have any experiences but their own. My feelings are valid just because I feel them. smile

Faye Sun 03-Feb-13 02:30:48

I agree grumppa with what you have said. But may be don't say Grumppa is talking rubbish, say I don't agree because.... Please don't lurk, join in, it is nice to have different points of view.

I agree too with nanapug, you have gotten to the point. Posters who should know better often don't seem to understand how spiteful their posts sound to others. Well done to those who see this happening and step in and say enough.

grumppa Sun 03-Feb-13 01:24:59

As a newcomer to writing, though a reader for some time, and a man, I hesitate to comment, but fools rush in where angels fear to tread, so here goes.

A lot of the threads are clearly started with a view to encouraging the expression of different points of view, and Gransnet would be a waste of time if this were not the case. Given that, things might progress more smoothly if those who disagreed with an opinion said why, in addition to just saying no, and tried to advance the discussion.

So don't just say Grumppa is talking rubbish, say Grumppa is talking rubbish because.....

I also get the impression sometimes that some people just don't like each other. Nothing wrong with that, but we should try not to let it show, and if in doubt, say nowt.

maxdrans Sun 03-Feb-13 00:57:07

Things have got way too complicated l have been here from. the beginning but things have changed. I tend to lurk and not comment much but now l feel quiet. Initiated. I will say no more plus l have had too much wine tonight.

Tegan Sun 03-Feb-13 00:28:09

I think that [sometimes] once someone has got a fixed idea in their head about what another poster is like, they interpret everything they say from a different perspective [and yes, I hold up my hands and say it's something I do and am aware of doing]. Going back to the first post, years ago I'd had a new kitchen fitted and I was quite chuffed with it. A friend came round who only visited every decade or so and I showed her my kitchen. Her only comment was how much she liked the curtains. Of course, I assumed she didn't like it until a few years later I visited her house and she'd had a new kitchen, and it looked very similar to mine. I then realised that she did like my kitchen, but really, really liked my curtains. Which shows how easy it is to misinterpret what someone says.

Anne58 Sat 02-Feb-13 23:45:45

I'm not sure that what I was trying to get at has actually come across! So not exactly a sort of QED, or is it? confused

j07 Sat 02-Feb-13 22:46:42

merlot*! How do you do it?! Fantastic! grin

jeni Sat 02-Feb-13 22:43:56

smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jeni Sat 02-Feb-13 22:43:31

[s,ile]

Grannyknot Sat 02-Feb-13 22:43:30

The bit about moderators was in reply to Ana. Must go now husband is nagging me to come and watch telly.

Grannyknot Sat 02-Feb-13 22:42:49

merlot funny! I think what I mean by paid moderators is that forums are meant to self moderate but sometimes obviously this one doesn't and then 'staff' have to jump in! Am gonna put a smiley face on every post now smile

jeni Sat 02-Feb-13 22:41:21

I think I'll follow
Or else tomorrow
Knackered I will be

I've had some wine
And I think it's time

To do the washing,up!

merlotgran Sat 02-Feb-13 22:38:25

My bit of A4
Has been thrown on the floor'
My As and my Cs
Fell apart on my knees,
My Bs won't align
Cos I've had too much wine,
Can't follow this thread,
So I'll head off to bed. moon

jeni Sat 02-Feb-13 22:34:42

JJing
It's like an algebraic quadratic equation isn't it?

Ana Sat 02-Feb-13 22:33:25

'Paid moderators' though, Grannyknot? I don't think GNHQ see themselves in that role - they don't just pop up and tell us off if things are getting a bit heated!

j07 Sat 02-Feb-13 22:30:21

Hold on while I draw a graph. confused

Grannyknot Sat 02-Feb-13 22:26:53

23 smile. IMHO problems are sometimes caused when C posts on behalf of B after B has replied to A (or something like that). I think adult women can mostly speak for themselves and if they can't, that's what paid moderators are for!

I realise I am (unnecessarily) a little bit 'sharper' than what I would normally be, though hmm but I think that has nothing to do with GN and more to do with me. smile

jeni Sat 02-Feb-13 22:26:48

A should be happy, oh so happy
Laughing ha ha chaffing ha ha
B should die in misery
Of course that is assuming that I am A

(Apologies to G &S)

Sorry. Couldn't resist it? (Repentant) smile

Kali Sat 02-Feb-13 22:22:11

Yes, makes one wonder why we even bother. Very depressing isn't it? sad

kittylester Sat 02-Feb-13 22:19:50

Granny 23 more or less right but you forget that somewhere around K someone will start speaking in code, I turn up and become completely bewildered, feel left out as I've got no idea whether G and Z are one and the same person as J seems to be implying. Meanwhile, someone else needs a bit of TLC (probably me if I've been to see my Mum!!) and they don't get it because of all the above!

Possibly!! grin

j07 Sat 02-Feb-13 22:19:25

FFS! hmm

It's an effing forum on the internet. It's not a religion.

whenim64 Sat 02-Feb-13 22:16:56

Beautifully put Granny23 smile

Ana Sat 02-Feb-13 22:14:04

Granny23 grin

How wonderfully put!