Another member leaving.

I too am sad that lovely people (and it's more than one) are going because of a few. I "stuck my head above the parapet" yesterday because I was angered at the words used describing some people (please don't pick it up again) but regret it now, as it made me out to be the person I am not, and really didn't achieve anything except more nastiness; so I will shut up from now on which is probably the wrong thing to do in truth.
I did consider going, but like others, enjoy the virtual friendship from some people. Also, why should my pleasure be spoilt because of people I don't even know.
The only thing is that if discussions become taken over by this one word banter and emoticons between a few people, which I hate, I will move on.
I still ask that GNHQ have a red card system for people who keep saying unpleasant things, but I think this probably won't happen for reasons that have been suggested.
I apologise for being involved in yesterdays arguments and hope it didn't make others decide to go too.

J A bit of kindness and a steadying hand can go a long way, in my book.
I don't see it as being needy or pathetic or false.......just a moment of generosity. Nothing wrong with that.

Time to draw that line again and move on?

Just responding to J's little foot-stamping, that's all.

No worries.

I haven't read every entry in this thread, just p1 and p4 but I must be very naive. Where are all these threads where posters hack each others eyes out? The main reason I post on Gransnet is because the conversations are well thought out, carefully worded and although there are disagreements they do not reduce themselves to personal attacks.

I contribute quite regularly to topical threads and obviously at times other Gransnetters disagree with me profoundly but I cannot think of a single occasion when I have been the victim of a personal attack, nor attacked anyone personally myself. Indeed whenever I have been faced with disagreement it has been expressed courteously and objectively.

I confess I do find the verbal table tennis that takes place on some threads irritating and boring, particularly if I have clicked on a topic that really interests me, only to find it is disintegrated to this by the time I find it.

It could help if we had some idea what kind of language upsets members.

I cannot see anything wrong with having a strong opinion on any particular subject. Obviously everyone thinks their opinion is the right one and so begins an argument. Some of the arguments can get fairly heated, so what?

As I see it, the problems begin when someone is personally, verbally attacked just for daring to say something that someone else doesn't like.

I also dislike threads that turn into a kind of "mickey take" against one particular member which is not very nice at all.

Oh ok! Definitely should not have said pathetic. Sorry. Still stand by too much neediness on show quite often.

Gilly I think most of us would agree with you but the problem is in the way some people voice their differnt opinion. I feel especially annoyed when someone rewrites what I said to make it seem I said something I didn't! How can that be anything but a deliberate attempt to make me look bad? It is clearly mischief making.

Yes Movedalot I agree. I have been the "victim" (not exactly the right word) of this on more than one occasion. I cannot see any point in copying and pasting what someone said 10 speeches ago and it is usually done in a "look how nasty XYS is" kind of way, which again isn't very nice.

Can someone give examples of threads where all this is happeneing so that those of us who are struggling to understand the problem can read and evaluate the kind of contributions that are causing all the problems.

Sorry Flicke won't help you. When I mentioned something that had stuck in my mind from some months back I was accused of 'trawling through old threads'. I sad I hadn't but that didn't stop the same person saying twice more that I had. Not putting myself in the firing line again.

I agree with you Flickety about the "verbal table tennis" causing interesting threads to disintegrate. It really annoys me too and is one of my main beefs, and tends to be the same members who participate.

I'm also a long term member of GN - in fact I won a prize as I was one of the early joiners. There have been one or two little spats but I haven't noticed anything really bad. In fact I have found a lot of GNers are really supportive and helpful, some are really funny, and I've had some lovely private messages. So to say that this person has left to some dreadful goings on has completely stumped me. Without going into names - what sort of dreadful posts have been put on that make someone so upset she wants to leave?

Sometimes a quote can be useful, especially if it refers to a post that is several back. Quoting, or at least referring back, makes it clear what you are replying to.

I agree, Flickety, that although there may have been some instances as moved describes, they are few and far between.

I think the problem arises when the quote is mis-quoted, but I could be wrong.

I expect you're right, ceesnan. It hasn't been a big problem though, has it? In fact, I'm only aware of one person complaining about it. I may have missed others, but still... just looking for perspective I suppose.

Oh dear - this all sounds very sad. I haven't been around for the last couple of days so I have no idea what the spat was about, but I do find it sad that people feel they have to leave.

I hope to never reach the point where I give up on GN and all the folk that make it such a special forum. I admit to being "needy" when I joined. I've become a little less so as my self-confidence has grown. There are still occasions when I need support - as do most of us from time to time. Bags ..."just looking for perspective..." is what we need right now.

I don't think anyone should feel they have to "admit" to being "needy". We are all human, and therefore all needy, we need support and we need each other.

bags I hope you don't mind me saying that I think you probably didn't mean to say it quite like that. I hope you meant to say that it hasn't been a problem for many people. It has been a 'big problem' for me as the same people have done it several times which makes me feel that they have a 'thing' about me.

Yes, moved, I know it has been a big problem for you. I meant to add to make that clear but edited them out by mistake. I think you are, possibly, the only person affected though, so over the whole of gransnet it hasn't been a big problem. And I hope it never will be.

It hasn't happened recently, has it?

Perhaps you should report it if it happens again, since it bothers you so. I would do that without hesitation if something bugged me so much.

No Movedalot is definitely not the only person affected.

Bags like it or not, there is quite a bit of dissatisfaction amongst GN members.

Thanks Bags. I'm not sure I am the only one but I do think I'm the one who has mentioned it the most!

Yes, you are right, it hasn't happened recently so perhaps things have improved and the perpetrators have thought better of it. An apology was asked for on each occassion but was not forthcoming but I will settle for it not happening again. Anything to make GN the place it should be, and most ot the time is. I have certainly had a lot off suport about my back for which I am really grateful.

OK, petallus. I must be among the lucky, unaffected ones. As I said earlier, I may easily have missed stuff. I can only talk about what I've seen myself.

Happily, I am not dissatisfied with gransnet

I hope those who are will recover their equanimity (if that is the right word) soon