12,000 miles is a long way to come home

Oh Simon,
Sorry to hear about your health problems and your plight at being stuck in New Zealand. I also live here and can appreciate your home-sickness. I've given up on going back to England to live and am lucky enough to have my husband here, two children and grandchildren. I honestly don't know how you would get back - do you have relatives you could stay with in UK?

Alternatively, you could immerse yourself in something in NZ that you enjoy. What are your interests? I've joined a small writing group.

Simon, it must be hard to be alone with such a lot of health problems, but apart from being 'homesick',which you don't say you are, why do you feel you "ought" to come back.
Why would you be any better off in the UK?

Why do you feel you would begetter in the UK? You don't say where you are in NZ isolated or townie. There are gransnetters heading out there as we speak. We tend to take our world with us wherever we go.

Do you have family in Britain or the UK, Simon? This could be a crucial factor in whether or not you should come back here. Also, do you still have a British passport and national insurance number? How long have you been in NZ?

You sound fed up there. I think the first thing you should look at is whether you would be entitled to full free care from the NHS after living elsewhere. This is very important, given your health status.
I know that the health service is good, but little different in NZ.
Here is a link where you can start your research

www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/uk-visitors/Pages/accessing-nhs-services.aspx

Also bear in mind that the UK economy is in a bad state and that the government are looking at ways to limit public spending. There is no prospect of this turning around in the forseeable future. I know the NZ economy is not great but I don't think it has the huge debt burden that we have. It did not have the big boom followed by a banking crisis.
On a lighter note - we also have far fewer public toilets than NZ these days - when visiting my son, who lives in the Kapiti area, I am always amazed at how well off you are for public loos.

Simon, where are your family and what is your relationship with them? If you have a good relationship and they are in New Zealand, think hard before breaking that bond. If they are in the UK and you get on well can they help you?

What the situation is in regard to benefits I do not know, you presumably paid into the British pension system until you left the UK and have a UK state pension. It is possible you will not qualify for invalidity or other benefits other than your pension for 6 months or more.

I am not sure you would get priority for what was council, and is often now Housing Association property. It would probably depend on the reasons you returned to the UK. However look at the following site www.housingcare.org. It deals with housing for the elderly as you are disabled it would probably be of use to you even though you are not 60.

I think it would be very hard to start a new life in the UK unless you have a very strong pull. With your many health problems and lack of funds life might be very limited. It is always a risk moving when older but this is a really big move and I think you should give it long and careful thought.

Where to you propose to live? Would if be by friends or relatives? If so perhaps they could ask questions locally for you.

Stay put, you would only be moving difficulties to a strange place. Remember nothing stays the same. If you do have Asperges then change is not an easy thing to cope with. all the best what ever you decide.

flickertyB I've seen that a lot of housing associations will accept people over the age of 55yrs if they have disability problems so Simon may be able to register with one in his preferred area,I am sure that there is a 6 mth period for benefits claims though for the likes of Pension Credit etc,Simon may be better looking for information on maybe one of the benefits advice sites where he will get up to date info.

WOW! So many replies, thank you!

JessM - You know where I live! I'm right at the base of the hill with the Virgin Mary on it. Lots of loos? Really? I know of one set here in P'ram and another in Waikanae by the library and that's it! LOL

Ella46 & Stansgran - Yes, I'm homesick; I need the bluebells in the wood, the Archers, to sit and think in a church; an old church, a church that has the peace of centuries in it. I need blue tits on the bird feeder, a fox trotting down the side of the road. I need a pint, a real pint in a real pub not a sports bar full of drunkards. I need a nice apple; yes, you can find Cox's Orange Pippins here but they're rare but that's it, Bramleys are rare as hen's teeth.

For those that don't know NZ, I live on the outskirts of Paraparaumu, a small town some 30 miles North of Wellington. I have no family here but do have two sons, both in Lincoln, one of whom is going to be a father in September (Me, a Grand-dad? WOW!) I have a half-sister in, I think, Southampton. No, I couldn't stay with any of them. I have few friends here and even less there.

As for where I'd like to be... gawd knows!

Yes, change is hard with Asperger's; fortunately, the ADHD more than compensates for that.

The medical system here is fairly good, if you have money! Talking to your GP costs money! You get some of that paid back via the benefit system during the following financial year but you actually have to have the money up front and that can be a significant drain. The available medicines list is restricted here as are the medical devices; the only blood glucose meter available is a Korean thing that is known to give dodgy readings; it is, however, cheap.

I had no idea the benefits system was going to be a problem, housing I did expect trouble with but not benefits. Hell, I paid into the system for nearly 30 years!

Just writing this has given me a bigger clue that I need to come home. The list of "things I miss" put tears in my eyes.

Simon.

Good luck, Simon, I do hope you can manage to work something out and come home

At the risk of being a total killjoy - and I do genuinely wish you well, your picture of England may fit some parts of the country, but sounds more than a little nostalgic. To be near your children and grandchild would make such good sense and Lincolnshire is perhaps not one of the most expensive parts of the country, but do go into this with your eyes wide open - follow up the links you have been given and try not to think "country lane//roses round the door/lilacs in the Spring/ and is there honey still for tea" and I hope you won't be disappointed.

Simon I totally agree with grace it does sound rather as if you have a romantic vision of the UK and I think you will find much has changed. It is quite possible that the local pub will be run by Australians and the customers will be from Eastern Europe. I'm told though that real ale is just as good as it has always been. You will get the blue tits and the fox will go through your rubbish bin. You'll get your English apples but I'm prepared to bet they won't taste as good as you remember.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Oh yes; lots of nostalgia in there. I'm enough of a realist to know that it is just that, nostalgia. The reality is the M25 or London Orbital Car Park, churches locked except for services and a one bedroom flat costs how much?!

Whilst the boys are in Lincolnshire, I know that's not where I want to live. Berkshire, Wiltshire, Hampshire, Oxfordshire are more "me" although I rather suspect I'd be lucky to afford a garden shed in any of those. LOL

Yes, I'll be looking at those links; you betcha I will!

You will need to pass a 'habitual residence' test. this will tell you more about the hoops you would have to go through.

I do indeed know where you live Simon. I even understand what P'ram refers to. And where the loo in Waikanae is. By the beach isn't it? Probably a nice little area in it for getting changed and having a shower? (just making other GNners green with envy. Mind you, the image of those changing areas always reminds me of the day my GS, aged 3, decided to streak, stark naked, out of one. Me in my cozzy and bare feet charging after him through a rather twee cafe area, screaming at him to stop before he got to road. )

I live in a city of 200,000 people and the only public loos I can think of are inside shopping mall. And 90% of pubs are more like restaurants these days. The traditional pub is an endangered species. But I know what you mean about those sports bars. Very weird with the betting going on. Very macho.

NZ is full of people whose kids have left for UK/US or Australia isn't it. My son lives in Paekak and it seems like a very friendly place.
If you do decide to stay on Kapiti there is a very active U3A there - have you tried joining?

I meant the loo in Waikanae shops by the library and Countdown but you're right, there's one at Waikanae Beach too, and P'ram Beach, Raumati Beach and Paekak Beach if memory serves.

One of the nice things about NZ is that your charge after GS wouldn't have phased out a soul, NZ is very laid back. It might have done if it was you doing the streaking!

I've lived all over England. I was born in Walton-on-Thames and have lived in Berkshire (5 places), Sussex, Hants (5 places), Lincs (2 places), Beds, Dorset, Hereford, Yorks, London (2 places) and probably a couple more that I can't remember. At heart, I'm a country boy; having a city fairly close is handy for the range of shops etc but green fields and woods are more my style, preferably with a river, 'cos I like fishing.

You're right, NZ is a friendly place. The problem, from my point of view, is the infrastructure and the culture (or lack of it!). When you consider that Portsmouth would be the second largest city in NZ you get some idea of the problem. There are suburban trains in Auckland and Wellington, other than that there are, I think, a total of six long distance trains a day in the whole country and they're all slow, the speed limit for trains is 60mph. Much the same applies with the roads. Auckland to Wellington is ~ 380 miles. If you can do it under 8 hours you're doing well. An average speed of 48 mph isn't exactly quick.

What's U3A? Never heard of it.

U3 A is university of the third age. Older people get together and teach their peers or lead them in joint learning or recreational activities. Varies from area to area. I had a coffee with the woman who is the chair of this U3A, down on the seafront near you. I got the impression from her that due to the number of retired wellingtonians in Kapiti area it is quite lively with many stimulating subjects. (more than ours which is more recreational). DIY adult education is another way of putting it.
The kapiti lot run a programme with 2 semesters a year.

Here is the link:

kapitiu3a.wellington.net.nz

Hi Trunkles
In your situation, I would do my darndest to get back to the UK. As I said I live in NZ (Auckland :-(
The coming of your grandchildren is a huge event and in reverse, that's what brought me back to NZ 12yrs ago. I love England and also dream of bluebells, etc. etc. I can so relate to you wanting to sit in a really old church and think... ooooooh how I miss Canterbury, Kent.
You sound as if you are a bit distant from your sons, but I bet, with the coming of their own children they will have a whole new slant on what it is to be a parent, a better understanding (none of us are perfect parents). They have grown up a bit since you last saw them (presumably!) and this could be a chance to forge a new relationship with them and your grandchildren.
Having g'children is really great and this could be a healing time for you all.
You don't need to live on their doorstep, of course.
All the best and I really hope you make it.
I believe all grandchildren need their grandfathers. You are their flesh and blood. Go for it!

I understand exactly what you mean too. We are homesick, but have lived and worked in Australia for 33 years and in NZ for 4. We have a pension made up of the Australian pension and the NZ one as they have reciprocal agreements. The amount works out the same as if it was just Australian.

If we could get that pension paid in the UK we'd be tempted, but our sons are here, and future grandchildren of course. We certainly could not live on the approx UKP 50 a week retirement pension we get from the relatively short period we worked there, so it would have to be supplementary benefits, or whatever they call it now, so - no way.

But we miss the countryside and the historical buildings, the pubs, the food, and just the feeling of belonging. We have it good in Australia - we worked hard, but had some bad luck, having to sell our house in the end. We live in a council house equivalent, but as it is a detached bungalow with a large garden we are hardly deprived!!

In your position, we would go. I believe you would get the full UK pension having worked there 30 years, and your grandchildren are there. Housing is your only (and main) problem. Solve that and you will be OK. Oh, and check out the aged care and hospital reputations before you choose and area: I've been reading horror stories, albeit from the Daily mail online, so I'd be careful.

When you get there, please pick a bluebell, have a pint, and have some good fish n chips and think about those like me who remain in (comfortable) exile.

Joan
(from Mirfield, West Yorkshire, though we also had a few years in Portsmouth when DH was a sailor)

PS
You should try U3A where you now, are or back in the UK if you make it. I love ours in SE Queensland - I'm in a writers' group and a performance group, but there is everything from art and craft, to philosophy and history, to dancing and cards, to foreign languages and mahjong, and lots more.

I've made friends - some of us are a bit eccentric, especially in the groups I'm in, but we get on really well.

Oh, and there's a bit of a shortage of men: we are in the process of trying to find a fourth man for our new play.

Yes we have 2/3 women in our u3a !
I walked into a pub last year and said - Oh! It's still a town pub! They are quite rare around here. Young people go out drinking in big bars with very loud music.

Trunkles
I'm an expat, although a lot closer to the UK than you.
I have the house on the market, ready for making the move back to the UK.

I find there are a hundred and one reasons for staying, and for returning, but the one question I ask myself is this: "If I decided to stay here, would I regret it?"
The answer is a big fat YES. So there it is.

I may find it a mistake, but feel it would be a bigger mistake not to take the plunge.

All the very best to you in your decision making and plans.

Simon, I had a quick look at the link given by annodomini and I think you are in with a chance. Your remaining family live in the UK and you have spent most of your life in the country.

Why do you not contact the British High Commission in New Zealand, presumably in Wellington, possibly even visit them. They will be able to advise you on how you can return home and you may well be able to get copies of the forms and even fill them in and submit them through the High Commission.

The other factor that may help you when you get back is that Lincolnshire is an inexpensive (relatively speaking) place to buy property so rents may be lower too. Although as you are under retirement age you will be restricted to a one bed flat unless you pay the excess rent for a larger property. You will also be assessed by ATOS as to whether you are disabled enough to qualify for disability benefits or will only qualify for job seekers allowance.