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Kind daughter

(18 Posts)
Mishap Sat 09-Mar-13 16:46:10

One of my 3 DDs has rung me to say that they are all worried about me. I have a bit on my plate at the moment (on crutches for an indeterminate time, OH with PD , sick elderly dad) but tried to explain to her that this is about par for the course when you get to our age and you just have to get on with it!

Clearly there are times when it all feels a bit much - but that is life.

She is of a generation where being kind to oneself (see another thread!) is not regarded as self-indulgence; unlike us post-war babes.

I was very touched indeed that they should care so much and greatly appreciate this; but she is wanting me to go for "pampering" (not really my style) or counselling (really I think she is saying I need someone outside of the situation to sound off to).

I would like to make some positive response to their kindness (if only to stop them worrying) - what would others do in this situation?

Galen Sat 09-Mar-13 16:50:45

Tell them nicely but very firmly that you're fine and as a grown woman who has not yet lost their marbles you will cope!
Tell them that if you need help you will not hesitate to ask for it!
That attitude reassured my DD anywaysmile

nightowl Sat 09-Mar-13 16:56:27

But add that you are very touched by their concern smile

Marelli Sat 09-Mar-13 16:58:16

What a fine family you have, Mishap. It's heart-warming to think of them speaking amongst themselves about how they might help, even though there is little that they can do in practical terms.
I can't think of how you can respond to them, other than to keep talking to them about how things are going for you and DH. If counselling is possible, why not give it a try - and a wee bit of pampering if you can bring yourself to go for it!
It's comforting for you to know you have your family's support. flowers

Movedalot Sat 09-Mar-13 17:09:34

Mishap I think you should show that you really appreciate the concern and that it means a lot to you. Perhaps you could say that pampering days are not your things but that you would be happy for a little spoiling in another way and leave it to them to decide what. It is important to our children to be appreciated.

gracesmum Sat 09-Mar-13 17:51:20

How refreshing to read about adult DC who actually recognise that "mum" might have more than a little on her plate! In my experience, we too often try to shield our DC from our fears and worries - "Mum can cope" and then we can be surprised when they don't actually know half of what is going on. Well done them. Even if what they are suggesting is not necessarily what you might choose for yourself, surely a day "off" or an afternoon away from the demands of your DH (apologies of this is not how you see it) will be worthwhile. They aare doing what they can, within the parameters of how young people see things, to try to lighten your burden. You've done a good job there, mishap!

Mishap Sat 09-Mar-13 18:12:51

I have been very lucky indeed and am thankful for that every day. When I read on here what some people go through I am doubly thankful and very sad for people's difficulties.

They are very precious girls - or should I say women.

york46 Sat 09-Mar-13 20:21:38

What lovely girls you have Mishap! Why not let them spoil you with something you would like to do - that way they will feel they are doing something positive to help their Mum and you can enjoy doing something different that will re-charge your batteries.

glammanana Sat 09-Mar-13 20:28:05

What thoughtful girls you have mishap and a credit to as to how they have been raised by you,tell them they will be the first to know when you need that bit of extra help.flowers

j08 Sat 09-Mar-13 20:59:13

Do they live near you Mishap? I wonder if you could find them something more practical to do to help you. Though,of course, it's nice to be thought of at all.

FlicketyB Sat 09-Mar-13 21:16:23

Mishap, i do not know you or your daughters circumstances, but a weekend away would probably do you and your DH a power of good. No cooking and clearing up and someone to do the washing up. You see lots of places making special offers this time of year, DH and I are about to go on one to celebrate 45 years of wedded bliss(most of the time). If the hotel is big enough it will have lifts and lounges with open fires etc so that everything is in the same place and you do not have to go ouside if you do not want to.

Jadey Sat 09-Mar-13 22:13:12

Hi Mishap, you could let her know about the support you get from Gransnet.

I know it has helped me being a GN member and being able to get a bit of understanding smile

Galen Sat 09-Mar-13 22:31:39

It's helped me as well. I don't feel as lonely and isolated as I did before I joined!
Its one of the advantages of becoming a grandmothersmile

Jadey Sat 09-Mar-13 22:37:35

Galen smile

yogagran Sun 10-Mar-13 20:04:54

I think that I'd accept the offer of a "pampering session". You say that it's not really your thing, but as it was your DD suggestion and I'm sure she'd be really pleased if you took it up. You could suggest that you go together, which is something that my DD and I have done in the past. It was a lovely treat for both of us, very relaxing and we both had a great time. A special interlude away from all family pressures - could be worth a try

FlicketyB Sun 10-Mar-13 20:16:41

I am with Yogagran. Last week I had a Spa day with DD. I came home so relaxed after a day pottering between steam room, sauna, heated pool and outdoor jacuzzi

Mishap Mon 11-Mar-13 11:26:36

Maybe I'll give it a go!!!

Grannylin Mon 11-Mar-13 12:03:55

Yes, do it mishap.I didn't think I was into 'pampering' until yesterday.DD1 took me for a spa day and I had a fantastic massage and a facial for the first time.She told me that I deserved it and should make it a regular thing.You do too flowers