Found it hard to keep my mouth shut!!

*Stansgran" That's a good one - I'll have to try and remember that.

I use that one as well Stansgran, I say " I hope you aren't laughing, you best not be laughing" and you are right, it never fails. I do hasten to add, my DC or DGC were not throwing a tantrum just a bit grumpy at this point. Not sure if it would work if they were throwing a full blown wobbly though.

I find a sympathetic grin to the mother with a been there done that comment seems to lighten the situation all round. My MIL was brilliant with grumpy children . She had a "whatever you do don't smile ,no no you're smiling. You mustn't smile. Routine which I've never seen fail.

I often see this - parents who to my mind are not doing the right things - so hard to keep silent - so frustrating. But nothing to be done I am afraid.

ann I would have thought it was more an observation than a judgement.

Well nanapugI stand corrected but you were certainly judging the Mothers parenting skills.

I also find it hard to watch poor parenting but think you did the right thing not to say anything. A whole family would not appreciate the interference in my opinion.

I have however commented on the opposite behaviour. It is always lovely to be told what super children you have or how well behaved they are. I remember walking round the supermarket at the same rate as a young mum with a toddler. All the way round she was involving the child in what she was doing and it was lovely to watch. Eventually I went up to her and told her how much I was enjoying watching them. I am sure she appreciated it and didn't think I was interfering.

One of my GC is trying to push boundaries which I find very irksome but tell myself it won't last. I don't give in - and neither does DH.
When my DS was small - about 4 or 5 he wouldn't do as he was told and get out of the bath. I told me I'd drag him out if he wouldn't get out [he was quite heavy for me to lift]. He refused point blank and I had to carry it out. It nearly killed both of us but he never did it again. It was horrid though and I still feel guilty which is daft as he's turned out into a lovely man with a delightful family you can take anywhere.

With my first GD I used to just scoop her up under my arm and carry her off when she said no, second one thankfully is quite amenable and doesn't tell me no. GD2 is heavier than her sister who is four years older and I can not lift her let alone carry her.

Reminds me of a time when we visited our eldest son`s house, he was at work, and when we left, DIL came out to see us off, leaving the 2 week old new baby inside, in his pram, and 3 year old son came out with her. As we were about to drive off, she said to the youngster, "Come on Luke, we`re going in now", but he wouldn`t go in. After several attempts to persuade him inside, she said "Please Luke, come inside, I`ll give you a biscuit if you do." !!! I wanted to tell her to just pick him up and take him in, not plead with him, but I kept quiet. He`s a lovely lad now, aged 16, but till he was about 7 he ruled the roost at their house.

But at least they were speaking to each other. We were in a Beefeater a few months ago and could clearly see a table where sat a 3 generation family, grandmother, parents and a boy of about 14. They sat there for 45 minutes and the only time any of them said anything was to speak to the waitress order their meals. Father and son did, now and again, look at their mobile phones but mostly they all sat there in silence looking into the middle distance. They were still there, mute and uncommunicative, when we left.

Yes, I found that puzzling as well. I see many examples of such behaviour when I'm out and about, and a lot of parents don't seem to be able to cope with it. Surely most children would behave like that if they had no clear boundaries?

That is just what I was going to ask nanapug, to me it sounded possibly just like a child being naughty and mum not knowing how to handle it or perhaps not wanting to discipline in public. I also wonder why people automatically think it would be learning disabilities or special needs and not just a petulant three year old throwing a tantrum?

No, am very aware of children with special needs and he was just a difficult child who was being badly handled. Also, I think I was not judging as such, as I think I said, I felt sorry for the child and the Mother and wanted to help, just making an observation. I agree Nellie, it crossed my mind, but as her parents were there too I don't think it would have been appreciated ;)

That should read "already like that"

From nanapugs Description of the behaviour I would say the mum just needs to be consistent with dealing with him even if he has learning disabilities, but if she is already like I doubt she will do that without having to get help.
Being an older woman I wonder what approaching someone in that position and offering to help would do. The least that could happen would probably be getting a flea in your ear.

For some years I had "shared care " of a child who was on the autistic spectrum .Her behaviour, especially when we were out was extremely challenging and it taught me to be less critical but before I would have felt like you did nanapug. However it taught me to think before judging.

I also wondered if the child had additional needs, maybe ASD.

It is possible the child had special needs