Nuisance phone callshad

I get lots of calls from the 'computer company'. I now ask if they want my bank account and credit card details straight away or if they'd prefer to go through their pathetic speech first. They always hang up.

On several occasions recently I have had people phoning from a " computer company" saying that I have a Trojan in my computer.
"I used to say" hello yes, that is about the Trojan horse that has left outside the gates of Troy". Usually these people have no idea wha I was t talking about .
Today the usual things "I am calling from sources such computer company to tell you that you have a Trojan in your computer.
I started my usual fashion, saying that I had worries Trojan horses beautifully carved and at midnight lots of little soldiers came out of its tummy. I have never had such a good result is on this occasion. The man who sounded American, let out a yell of rage and shouting down the phone said "you Bar----d. He sounded really upset so I signed off by telling him to "S O" you stupid old fella! And hung up. It's the best result I've had so far on this particular type call!


"

There was an occasion when the phone rang and teenage absentdaughter answered it in the kitchen where I was a preparing supper. It was a "what colour are your knickers" call and I was cross that my adolescent daughter should have encountered this. It so happened a school friend was staying with us for a sleep-over and both of them dined out on the story afterwards because I did the 1471 thingy and called back. I began my conversation with the words "Are you the man with the small dick… It turned out, apparently, that a visiting nephew had been using his uncle's mobile while said uncle was in his bath. Whether that was true or not, we had no more calls from that number.

Well done, absent

Frank I don't suppose the heavy breathers would have found the prospect of talking about your knickers anywhere near as exciting as talking about your daughter's. In fact, on hearing a male voice they would most likely say "wrong number" and hang up.

Oddly enough a call came through to my phone and my daughter answered it and she was asked the colour of her knickers.
I think they may have been dialling numbers at random as I did not get any weird calls like that after.

Frank

sunseeker That one happened after a particularly exhausting day on a toddler group outing to the seaside in the rain. A very tired absentdaughter was in the bath, the phone was ringing constantly because I had just advertised cot, high chair etc. for sale in the local paper and my nerves were shredded. It was one of the few times in my life when I have come up with exactly the right answer at exactly the right time. What he actually said was "I would like to piss on you." To which I replied, "Why not? Everyone else has." He hung up.

absent I have had the heavy breathers calls and also asking the colour of my knickers (said I didn't wear them!) but never one saying they would like to pee on me

While all these calls about PPI refunds and injury compensation are quite clearly a nuisance, I think the term "nuisance call" usually refers to the heavy breathers and "I should like to pee on you" calls. Somewhat different and very much more of a nuisance.

Ana

I am amazed that people seem to only ring my mobile phone when I am in the loo or driving.
When I did my last long journey ( 200 miles ) the phone rang 3 times in all cases about 5 minutes after I started driving after having a break and I pulled in to the next lay by. All these calls were nuisance ones.
I had 1 call when I was in the Motorway Service Station loo and that was from a distant relative who I had not spoken to for about 3 months.
He was concerned I had not answered my home phone.

Frank

Soop TMI

Oh Orca, of course not. It is a struggle to reach the sitting room [pants at half mast] and downright infuriating to discover that a pre-recorded tinny voice on the other end says, "thank you.. please hang up"

Apparently, according to a survey, three quarters of Brits admit to using their mobile phones while in the loo......

Doesn't everyone?

You have a phone in your loo?

"Nuisance calls" always happen to me when my knickers are around my ankles...and I'm sitting on the lavvy.

Love the advice, Moved.
We've just changed our broadband/telephone supplier and have been inundated with junk calls and emails, to my great annoyance. I'll try some of that advice next time - it'll give me enormous pleasure - and yes, I have told callers to F. Off, to my DH's shock...

A few days ago I was sent a very funny video on You Tube to do with cold callers. I decided to adapt it for myself. I have now waited for 3 days and haven't had one cold caller. Have my thought processes reached the culprits!

I had one of these calls from a firm of ambulance chasers saying that not someone, but I, had been injured in a car accident in the last three years.

It just happened that DD who shares my surname and first Christian name did have a serious road accident 18 months ago. She is also gets very distressed about receiving these calls. Anyway I told the caller I hadn't been involved in even a minor accident for about 15 years. He sounded very confused and asked me whether I was sure! I said yes and rang off.

DH constantly gets calls from boiler rooms, those overseas outfits selling dud shares. We always know what they are because they use DH's full Christian name when he has always been known by a shortened version. If I get the call I usually hand it to DH saying very loudly 'I've got a boiler room on the phone for you'. It really annoys them.

We cannot just ignore all international calls or number withheld calls because DH still works now and again as a consultant engineer and most of the work is on mainland Europe, so there is always the possibility that it is a client.

The problem is these calls always seem to happen when you are doing something and do not want to be disturbed.
A little while ago I was doing a 200 mile journey and I was in the car on my own.
I never answer my phone while driving. I had hands free once but still found it too distracting but I keep my phone on and stop at the next convenient point to see who has called.
I was not very pleased to have stopped 3 times for junk calls.

Frank

If you get a nuisance sales call and they give a number on caller display or 1471 you can put the number into Google and get a range of sites where people report these calls. Quite often they can tell you who made them, which is useful if you want to complain. It's also reassuring to realise that other people are just as annoyed as you are, particularly if you are in the house alone and are feeling paranoid about strangers phoning you. We'd never had a call from the Cumbernauld kitchen design firm which was fined recently, but were delighted to hear about it!

I like that one!

A friend of mine copied something she had seen on an American crime programme (NCIS I think). Anyway when the caller started to ask her questions she immediately interrupted and said that they had called a crime scene and that the call had been traced and they were to remain where they were as police would shortly arrive to question them!

Much better to let the whole thing amuse than to get cross about it.

Some brilliant moves there moved.

Can't wait now for the next junk mail to arrive.

Thanks.