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Is death always sad?

(40 Posts)
j08 Mon 08-Apr-13 18:28:01

Is it really that conditional? "Love is not love that changes when change it sees"? (Just in case I turn into a complete witch with the possible advent of ga-ga ness)

POGS Mon 08-Apr-13 18:27:55

Jo

I remember a good friend of mine saying to me once at a funeral.

"You know I won't bother going to your funeral don't you". I was a bit took back and said "Why". She said "Well it means you won't be coming to mine". grin

nanaej Mon 08-Apr-13 18:21:30

I am sure , that if we are good and kind, a few folk will turn up to say a few nice works about us j08

j08 Mon 08-Apr-13 18:16:48

Shall we not go down this road? shock

#cheerupforchatham. smile

j08 Mon 08-Apr-13 18:15:12

It's probably not sad for the person doing it. In the event.

But it would be nice to think there would be a few people shedding a tear at your funeral.

On the other hand that is a very sad making thought in itself. sad

No real answer to some things I guess.

nanaej Mon 08-Apr-13 18:01:13

I was devastated at the deaths of both my parents (both still in their 60s). I was sad for my loss as I did not have their physical presence, love and support. I was sad for them not to live longer to meet all their grandchildren and carry on with their active and happy lives. I now remember them with fondness and love and talk about them a lot with my DDs who did know them. However when my aunt and grandmother who both died after a long time of incapacitating illness it was a different sadness mingled with relief their suffering was over. Sadness that it had been a long death.

I cannot feel the same sadness for people I do not know personally. But when I read /hear that a person such as a musician /actor etc whose work I have enjoyed has died I feel a momentary sorrow that they are no longer around but as Bags says it is the natural thing to happen. I could not weep or have those great outpourings that some do for a person I never met.

Gally Mon 08-Apr-13 17:28:01

I think you are sad for what you have lost, for what has been, for the memories, especially if they are very ill or elderly and death is a release. I am sad this week as I just heard that a local Mum died last week; she went for a run on a bitterly cold day and she didn't return home. She was found the next day having succumbed, for whatever reason, to hyperthermia. she had 4 daughters, the youngest only 8. That I find very sad.. I was and am sad that Mr.G died. He was too young to die and I was too young to be widowed but, it happens. I'm sad when I hear of tragic unnecessary deaths but I feel relieved when I hear of the death of someone who has been suffering. All a bit garbled, but I know what I mean, I think! hmm

ninathenana Mon 08-Apr-13 17:00:35

No I don't think the point of death is always sad.

My mum has Alzheimers. Without going into detail, she is very near the end
GP has withdrawn her meds apart from pain relief. There is no more can be done. She's been like this for 5wks.
I have grieved for my mum who was my best friend for the past 6yrs. Now I hope her end will be peaceful and soon.

wisewoman Mon 08-Apr-13 15:40:50

i think if someone you care for dies you can feel sad for yourself that you have lost them and at the same time happy for them that they are no longer suffering. Human emotions are rarely straightforward. When my mother died I was amazed how much I grieved for her despite having an awful relationship with her. It took me years to realise I was grieving for the relationship that never was!

merlotgran Mon 08-Apr-13 14:58:09

I'll be sad but relieved when my mother dies. Her quality of life is so poor that it will be a welcome release. My father, however, died aged fifty of a brain tumor after a very short illness. Sad didn't come close. I was devastated.

But for some, even if death brings sadness, it doesn't necessarily mean that person will be mourned.

Joan Mon 08-Apr-13 14:39:33

Thatcher's death means nothing to me - the harm she did cannot be undone, so alive or dead is irrelevant - it is all far too late.

absent Mon 08-Apr-13 14:35:55

It is sad when someone dies prematurely, especially in childhood. I am saddened when someone I know, love and respect dies and I shall no longer have the benefit of their physical presence in my life. That however, is a grief for my loss not their death. I recognise that the families of those who have just died, such as Mark and Carol Thatcher, will feel sad. At the same time, I cannot feel sad about the death of someone I regard as having been a deeply harmful figure and also who has been suffering from dementia and a series of strokes for a long time. What's the expression – blessed release?

Greatnan Mon 08-Apr-13 14:21:26

I agree, Bags. When my mother died after three years of demented misery, we were all relieved. I grieved for the happy, fun-loving mother I had known, not for the empty shell she had become. We were incensed when some arrogant doctor pumped her full of antibiotics when nature was ready for her to go with severe pneumonia. He expected us to be grateful that he had prolonged her (and our) ordeal.

sunseeker Mon 08-Apr-13 14:20:01

I think it is obviously sad for the family and friends of the person who has died, even when old and ill. However for anyone who didn't know the person then it would not have any effect, except perhaps to feel empathy for the family.

Bags Mon 08-Apr-13 14:15:53

I've just read the thread about the death of Margaret Thatcher and it occurred to me to wonder, again, if it is always sad when someone dies?

Sometimes someone is ready to die or, if they have been very ill with an incurable problem, their family members may be glad for them to die so that the suffering stops. That doesn't mean you won't miss them.

The subject came up again recently. I think we were on our way to Minibags's riding lesson and she said she was sad that the actor who played Uncle Dursley in the Harry Potter films had died. I said I didn't feel sad about it. She was shocked.

But... everything alive dies at some point. A death in old age after a good life is not necessarily sad. At least I think not. It's just the inevitable happening. And when it's someone we don't know personally, or even when it is sometimes (see qualifiers above), we don't have to feel sad.

All I feel with regard to Thatcher is acceptance of the inevitable. It is neither sad nor not sad. It just is.