Is death always sad?

The death of my son from cot death was devastating. A death that comes silently and steals a life full of potential is a terrible thing. On the other hand my when my uncle died it was the end of a very sad phase. My uncle had Alzheimers and he had gone long before his body died. We had all done our grieving years before.

We are told by people who oppose assisted suicide that nobody has to be in pain - this is quite clearly not true. The Liverpool Care Pathway looks increasingly kind to me.

Sewsilver Nobody should have to put up with pain of that magnitude.

Grannylin very similar thoughts about my Dad as you about yours. I say "Good Morning William" to the little robin who appears daily in my garden.

Sewsilver - we can only hope that the agony for your husband and yourself comes to an end soon. Can his doctors not give him increasing doses of analgesics, or have they been made too wary to help because of Shipman?

sewsilver

Nelliemoser, thank you so much for your timely post. " The concept of death as an end to suffering has to come into this as a relief" . I read it after two nights listening to Mr S screaming in agony. I have been feeling so guilty about thinking this but your words have helped me to accept this is what I am feeling.
I haven't had much time to look at GN lately . I was amazed to see how much support and good wishes I had in a previous post . I am so grateful to you all. Thank you

My father died at 82 od oesophogeal cancer having beaten bowel cancer and prostate cancer earlier in his life.

He was unable to eat and virtually starved but he told me he was ready to go and we all had a chance to say goodbye to him. He was completely lucid, cheerful and interested in what was going on around him right util the end. Nevertheless, I was completely devastated when he was no longer there.

I miss him for his strength of character, his unfailing support, his wisdom and his love but, that is my problem, not his.

I was sad for Baroness Thatcher's family and, although i admired her tremendously, cannot say I was sad when i heard of her demise.

For those who are condemning her, by the way, how come she was democratically voted into office three times?

No.
Not when its a very elderly person who has lived a long life.

My dad died of a rapid cancer at 86, and my mum two months later at 82, with dementia.She had been depressed for some years before and clearly miserable.
My dad had been incredibly fit and active until 4 months before he died.

Sudden death in those who are too young, for "old age" yes always.

For people of any age with a very debilitating illness not so much.
The concept of death as an end to suffering has to come into this as a relief.

There are of course different way for death to be sad. Losing your own loved ones is very different from the sadness you might feel on the death of someone you don't actually know. You can feel sad for friends when they loose someone and also for the loss of a well known personality who may have given you much enjoyment. I think the huge public outpouring of grief eg.Princess Diana, are OTT. Whilst sad for those close to they don't really effect most peoples lives. The death of renowned 'nasties' may prompt a feeling of relief but of course somewhere there may be family who feel very sad to have lost them. So, my answer to the OP is yes, at some level death is always sad.

gally

That's lovely *grannylin'. My Dad died 12 years ago yesterday. Not quite sure if I could imagine him as a bird although I spent a long time watching a wren scratching about in the garden yesterday. I don't feel his presence but I do feel his influence daily. I don't feel J's spirit around me : he was here and then suddenly he wasn't although I do talk /shout at him and expect an answer which of course doesn't materialise

I decided when my Dad died, 28 years ago, that he would come back as a swallow! Every Spring a swallow returns and sits on the wire outside my bathroom chattering away to me. Others then follow and nest in our barns. It's quite mad, I know , but pleases me. He's a bit late this year, though

Sigh.

I will give your name and number to my daughter, absent. At the moment, Juragran has my list of contacts.

If you go first, I'll come to yours if you'll come to mine if I go first Greatnan.

I would like to leave my body for medical research, or even to be buried in a forensic farm, so they can dig me up from time to time and see what had happened to it.
I hope they will use any bits of me that are still viable, in spite of old age.
I do carry a donor card but it is not needed in France which uses an opt-out system but I don't think they would use anything because they won't accept blood donations from anyone who has lived in Britain since the BSE scare.
I can't see many people attending my funeral because my family and friends are too scattered. Perhaps I will make a huge circle of friends when I move to New Zealand - I intend to join a few things. If I die before then, I don't want my family to incur huge expense in flying out. I would rather they just remembered the good times and had a glass of wine to celebrate my life. My commune can cremate me.
I have made my feelings clear about not having any religion mentioned in any service and I know my daughter will respect them.
I don't fear death in the least because I think it will just mean oblivion, but I really enjoy my life so I hope it lasts a lot longer!

I agree absolutely, wisewoman, that funerals are for people who are still alive, and that they serve a beneficial purpose for those people. My comment above was really about people wondering who will come to their own funerals? That seems like a waste of wondering time to me.

Bags Funerals are not, of course, for the person who died but for those who loved and cared for them. I have just been at a funeral which beautifully summed up the person's life and which was attended by a wide range of people from all the different areas of her life. Her family were surprised and comforted by the large number of people who were there and who talked about the influence she had had on their lives. Most of us need to mark the big events in our lives in some way, whether it be a religious ceremony or a secular one.

I don't think the death of tyrants is sad although often the way in which they have been killed is quite sick-making. I didn't find the death of Saddam Hussein a cause for sorrow although I profoundly disapprove of the death penalty and his hanging was a very nasty business. Ditto Colonel Ghadaffi and I am pretty confident that no tears of mine will fall when Assad finally goes. I can only wish that both Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin had died much sooner than they did.

I did not crack open the Champagne when Fred West killed himself or rejoice over the deaths of Harold Shipman or Myra Hindley – although some MPs courted popular votes with their gratuitous comments. However, I did not feel sad.

I do not feel sadness about the death of Baroness Thatcher. I do still feel anger about some of the things she did when she was alive.

Death is not always a cause of sadness for everyone – even if the personally bereaved grieve.

I don't even care if I don't have a funeral. Why do people worry about what will happen after they are dead? Surely you can tell now, while you're alive, whether the people that matter to you love you or not? If not, I pity you.

oops ment 'active'

Untimely death is dreadfull, especially for those left behind. But coming to the end of a long and cative life where you have achieved something, be it raising a family, coping with problems or even running a country (for good or ill), is the natural progression. We will all have to die and better to drop dead at the Ritz (if one can afford it) than linger mindlessly or in agony in some dreary care home.

As for the serious side of the thread I do think if, and I am sure many of us have had the experience, you have experience of watching somebody dying painfully you do want it to end sooner rather than later. That does not mean it is any easier to come to terms with, simply accepting it is cruel to carry on living.

I always thought that when my dear mother died I would 'feel her prescence' as some say they do. I have felt saddened that is not the case, it's just one great big hole in the heart. If you do feel 'a prescence' from a loved one I envy you.

POGS.