shocked!!!!

I was shocked last week to witness an episode at the other end of the spectrum. I was in a dress shop when a Yummy Mummy came in with a small boy, aged about 5 and his Granny. Granny clearly had mobility problems and was walking very slowly and leaning heavily on two sticks. Small boy made a bee line for the one and only chair and refused to move to let Granny sit down, despite being offered several inducements. He continued to sit there and Granny continued to lean on her sticks while Yummy Mummy tried on dresses. Eventually YM bent over small boy and told him she was very disappointed in his behaviour,; water off a duck's back!

I felt sorry for all parties, Granny because it was clear she was in pain, YM because she had no idea how to handle her offspring, and small boy because I fear he is in great danger of turning into a nasty, indulged brat.

Mishap your friend sounds a wise and wonderful person - how perceptive of her - a true friend!

It always sounds worse from the "outside" though doesn't it? I find it hard to see DD and SIL even telling DGS off and they do it VERYgently and reasonably - I just prefer not to be there. Being in the middle of it is different though and I think most of us would agree deep down that a smack did little harm in the "bad old days" - I am NOT talking about a "beating" or "thrashing" but a smack to the bottom or leg administered as a short sharp shock. As for how I used to shout at ours, well, I am human and was often at the end of my rope!!
But with the benefit of hindsight and too many years I would be very upset indeed if I felt that the DGC were ever frightened of their parents. I am sure yours are not,flower - try not to dwell on it. They are loved!

I shouted at the two DGC with last week, trying to get them ready for school, it was the only way to be heard over their ructions they are 5 and 7. I was disgusted at myself, I sent gillybob a message as I was beside myself and said I am a really bad Grandma I have shouted at the DGC this morning!!!

when I am goiing to invest in a loud hailer I am hoarse .

My twin GDs (6) have been known to say to me "Nana, there's no need to shout!" when I've had to resort to doing so because they've ignored my previous polite requests that they turn the volume down/stop hitting each other/get their shoes on!

Sometimes getting yourself heard over the racket that two boisterous boys make can be quite a challenge. A few weeks ago, at 7.15 pm, I asked my twin grandsons to put on their PJs as it was bedtime, and they carried on charging round excitedly. After several increasingly louder bellows, they stopped and one of them reprimanded me 'YOU aren't supposed to shout at us, nana!' I'll be needing a loud hailer soon

I just think that it is not possible to put oneself in the shoes of a parent of two boisterous little boys and of the pressures these parents may feel under - we cannot say what we "would have" done. I am sure your DIL can think of a lot of things she would like to have done if she had not felt under pressure/tired etc.

Maybe the best thing you can do is just to offer to take one child off her hands now and again (as often as you are able) to give her a chance to feel less pressured and have time to enjoy one or other of the children in peace. Having a quiet word risks rows and alienation - maybe actions would speak louder than words and be more useful in the long run.

Some people struggle with parenthood and need quiet backup to help them to find ways of enjoying this stage of their lives.

No-one would condone smacking and it is sad when it happens. Taking some of the pressure off them might help prevent it happening.

I remember when I had an 18 month old who was making it very clear by her behaviour that she did not appreciate the arrival of a new baby sister, a friend came round and I was quite at the end of my tether and I shouted at my DD. My friend said nothing, but just turned up the next day and said she had a day off and would I like her to take the children off my hands for the day so I could have a rest. It was the right action at the right time and I have always remembered her tact and generosity of spirit.

I have to say I would have been shocked also if my DD behaved in this way,I understand wholeheartedly how boisterious little one's can get when they are getting ready for bed etc,but I would have calmed things down before getting them dressed so they where more relaxed,at 4 and 2.1/2 they are still babies and shouldn't be smacked it is a sign in my opinion that a parent has lost control but people will make their own opinion's on that I'm affraid.
Can you not talk quietly to your DS and tell him the conversation you had with your DGS or would your DS take offence,if my DD or DS raised their hands to any of my DGCs I would want to know why.

I would be very surprised if the mother of two boisterous boys so close in age had not shouted at them! - they would try the patience of a saint I am sure. They need to understand that sometimes you can push people just that bit too far!

I suppose it is slightly more worrying that they cannot make the distinction between behaving in a naughty way and being naughty - a difficult distinction to make if you have two little chaps running about and not doing as they are told and you've got PMT perhaps.

I should cut them some slack unless you seriously think they are abused children who are being smacked all the time.

Sometimes I watch what is going on between my GC and my DDs and wonder if it might be done better, but I button my lip, as I have both the benefit of experience (which they cannot have) and the time and energy (which they may not have after work/sleepless nights etc.) to handle things in a diffferent way.

I guess I would think it might be best not to ask your GS about these things, but just to enjoy the positive experiences that you can give him, as you are in the privgileged position of grandparent with time and patience to give and no need to et cross.

I have my 10 year old GS staying tonight - he and my OH are watching the Simpsons on the big screen. He will love it and feel special, and we will make a point of not mentioning that he truly can at times be a complete demon and requires some very firm handling. Definitely not something we will be discussing! I am sure he will behave perfectly for us and the challenges that face my DD will not be ours today as he will be on his best behaviour - and she is having a nice break!

I'm shocked that you have never heard your DIL shout at her children.
They must be perfect angels if this was a shock to them.