Ahhhhgggghhh I TAKE IT ALL BACK!!!

I too always carry out a threat goldengirl, I remember my eldest DD aged about 7 being extremely badly behaved. I started to send her to bed early, I told her that if her behaviour continued in that manner she would go to bed half and hour earlier each night until it improved. I ended up almost having to send her to bed while she was still at school. She certainly lasted for over two weeks. She tired before I did though.

Oh Petallus you reminded me of something and I feel so so guilty

When DDH was in hospital so ill last year with heart attack followed by pneumonia (6 weeks in intensive care) I vowed (allowed to the nurses) that I would never never complain about his snoring again, it would be like the songs of Angels to my ears.

That lasted for about 2 weeks after he came home!!!! I can hear him now - I bed he is sitting up in bed, book open, light on fast asleep. The other night I found him with Bradley Wiggins on his lap and holding a cup of tea, fast asleep. (Bradley was on a portable DVD player in case anyone is wondering)

That's just what I'm like with DH. When he is being sweet I vow never to shout or get cross with him again, only to fail within probably the next half hour

My DD reminded me not so long ago that if I made a threat I always carried out if either - she and/or her brother - repeated their bad behaviour. They've taken this on board with their own families and feel as dreadful as I did when they've had to carry out the threat - nothing sinister I hasten to say, just something like not watching their favourite programme or missing a treat, depending on the seriousness of the 'crime'. We all agree fortunately that children need to have limits and that no means no. It builds up trust between us all as well. That said there are the occasional moments.......

Isn't it lovely, when you can sit back and think - "been there, done that - don't know what they are getting themselves in a state about". The fact about children is that they know exactly how far they can go, and I have decided that in spite of us, they nearly all eventually grow into quite nice young people - there are exceptions of course, and perhaps I see the world through rose coloured glasses. Of course I do not condone unnecessary shouting or 'smacking', but children do need to know there are limits, and that the limits are there because we love them. Love being the vital ingredient of course. I wonder how many other people like me have put their children to bed after a rather fraught day, and then, seeing their sweet faces relaxed in sleep, think "I am never going to shout or get cross with them again!" Only to fail within probably the first half hour of the next morning.

Movealot, that is the problem, they seem to get an awful lot of negative attention.

I wonder if the parents give them more attention when they are 'naughty' than at other times? I know it is difficult just reading what is on here but it does rather sound like it. I think that it is much better to give positive feedback whenever you can and keep the tickings off to a minimum and only when it is important. For example, praise when they remember to say please or thank you and just gently remind when they don't. If they are told off when they forget it will become a big issue.

I consider myself lucky then, I think! My two grandaughters of 5 and 2 seem to be well behaved, at least with me and daughter, whose children they are, says she and hubby have no problems with them. Needless to say I love them to bits and want to spoil them rotten much to daughters protestations. She tells me off for allowing them to do what I would never allow her or her brother to do but is that not what grandads are for - not according to daughter!
I must admit she used to call her brother "the brat" while he used to call her "smell" (her name is Michelle) and to be honest I have heard those 'terms of endearment' recently with her aged 35 and he 31. Sibling love eh! I would never be without them and as a bonus sons girlfriend /partner is an absolute treasure as is daughters other half - I feel blessed. Whether or not I will feel the same when the teenage years arrive remains to be seen but we live in eternal hope.

Merlot, have you read my original threat entitled Shocking!. they don't behave at home at all, in fact the little one, although he had been using the potty without prompting the whole stay (at home he has started pouring it over his head, tipping it on the floor, wetting the bed or wetting his bedroom carpet and refusing the pot, refused to go on it when his mum asked him to before they left. A fantastic weapon is the potty!!!!

It's almost as though they think they're 'blowing their cover' if they behave when their mums arrive. Our fourteen year old grandson is going through the moody teenager phase. He and his younger brother stayed with us last night and he was chatty, funny, helpful and ate like a horse. When DD came to pick them up after Sunday lunch, he assumed the position....head down, monosyllabic, hands in pockets and grunted, 'See ya.'

Very skilled Nellie! I totally agree. I just wonder what she will make of DDH asking DGS to sit on the 'thinking' chair. Will probably have the same effect as if he had put him in coal cellar.

Ummm! Nellie, I certainly don't think that the boys get a lot of approval, they do get a lot of love but often they are told how naughty they are. Again, children behave how they are expected to behave! and these certainly do.
I love the little tykes but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

I still can't believe the "Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah" comment made by the four year old to his mother.

The saga continues..............................watch this space.

Mishap Love that story

Nellie I agree tough love never did my sons any harm. I was firm but loving I had to be as DH often worked away from home for weeks on end.

Mishap

Flower I hope you are having a relaxing evening, listening to Runrig perhaps?

Flower It sounds to me as if they are very skilled at manipulating their parents and that mum seems to fall for it.

It seems that this generation of parents my DD included are often a bit precious about their children's behaviour and seem unduly terrified of harming their psyches with a bit of tough love. Lots of love and approval is good but at times they can really benefit from some healthy neglect and a bit of control and common sense.

Many moons ago my Mum heard my brother and I arguing in the garden and shouted "Whatever it is just share it" - we later walked in with half a worm each!

Thanks for flowers inthefields, and movealot: Re last night. They did squabble as I posted but when the little one was asleep - 7pm - the older one snuggled up to me and we read the rest of the Boggle story and watched harmless TV for a while.So peaceful. He took longer to settle but slept all night. They took about an hour to wind up to demons - I ended up on my swing chair in my garden letting them run it off for an hour (until the leaf battle commenced) see above.

In the garden they were arguing over a LEAF for crying out loud. A BLASTED LEAF. I have thousands of leaves in my garden but they both wanted the same bloody leaf!!!!!!

Just before the parents arrived (3/4 hour late and I don't blame them) Igave the boys a Jaffa cake each. I went to the kitchen to get something to find the older boy (almost 5) coming out with his hand behind his back. Asked what he was doing he said "Nuffin'" He then slowly brought out a second Jaffa cake. I said gently that he should not have just taken but asked for one. He said sorry and all was forgotten.

His mum and dad arrived. He burst into tears saying "I was so so hungry mummy, I just wanted to eat I was so hungry" Blimey. I didn't know what to say. She was on her knees comforting him and looking at me over his shoulder. I felt like the worst granny in the universe. I also felt that if I protested it would be "too much" as they say. I was not even going to tell them about the 'stolen' jaffa cake it wasn't that important. I just wonder what he tells his mum and dad about Grandpa telling him to sit on a chair and think about his behaviour when he continually snatched a book off his brother. It was only for 2 minutes but, Good Lord! that will get fed back.

They are lucky they weren't locked in the coal bunker (if I had one)

The mum said that it was his hormones!!!!!!! apparently boys get a sudden surge of testosterone at 4 - 5 and this either makes them aggressive or emotional. Oh well!! Silly me! Should've known I have 3 boys. Just thought it was boys being boys.

Continuing potty saga: Dry all through night and used potty without prompting in morning. Then, when mum asked him to go on pot before they left he ran around the room, turned his back and completely ignored her.

The Potty is a wonderful weapon when used correctly.

I wonder how last night went? I suspect they were better behaved from Grandma than for Mum. DS said that at 2 DGS knew how to behave when others were around but threw tantrums when he was only with Mum and Dad. Of course I know he is wrong because my GSs are of course absolutely perfect and if he had a tantrum it must have been someone else's fault!

Poor you Flowers ...... siblings constantly arguing is enough to drive anyone to absolute distraction, while it seems to keep the children concerned endlessly amused! Grrrrrr

My girls were polar opposites in temperament and fought like cat and dog for years, and as adults just tended to avoid being in each others company for more than a few hours as it always ended up in an argument. In fact they only reached amicable status when I divorced and suddenly they were both batting on the same side, helping wherever they could and taking turns to "keep an eye on me".

So there is hope ....apparently all it takes is three decades and a major life upset.

Have some flowers :-)

Oh I have such sypathy with this behavior, I was looking after my DGS aged 3, as he was unable to go to nursery due to chickenpox. He was a bit grumpy but we got on ok and had a reasonable day. UNTIL about half and hour before DIL came to pick him up. He had asked for a butter sandwich cut up into squares, I dutifully obliged. He took the plate, looked at the neat squares, dropped the plate on the floor and promply had a major unconsolable tantrum. I was unable to calm him down and was totally puzzed as to why this had occured. Mum appeared, and must have thought I was committing some sort of abuse. When she asked him what was wrong, he replied between sobs that Granny had cut his sandwich up into rectangles instead of squares. She promptly cut a fraction off the said shapes and all was then calm.

Oh flower! - don't they just drive you mad?

My first two were so different - the first intellectual and capable of deviousness; the second emotional and wild - boy did they rub each other up the wrong way sometimes - and, yes, I did bellow sometimes!

My baby grandson has just arrived to stay for a week. He's 5' 11'' ,20 years old and gorgeous!

I know where you are if I need to escape

One already made

Take me about 6 hrs to get to you galen make a bed up for me