What does "can't afford a birthday party" mean?

What is sad is that, alongside this rampant consumerism, there are substantial numbers of children in the UK living in dire poverty. They live in cramped and sub-standard accommodation, eat an inadequate diet, wear clothes and shoes that are too small and never have a holiday or even a day out at the seaside. Birthday parties are the least of these children's worries.

one of our most succrssful parties was a sports day. We had a green near our then home and all went off with all the children carrying different pieces of equipment. We had the usual races and some involving quoits which I bought. The party tea was a picnic and every child went home with a quoit. A good time was had by one and all!

I'll second that jingl having seen young ones rampaging through the house.
GD was at a swimming party the other week and she loved it as she is a very good swimmer and most of the other girls were in her swimming club. Nicely tired when she returned home rather that the usual chocolate hyper.

To be fair, my younger grandson has been to one or two parties in the birthday child's home. But it does sound as though they ended pretty much noisy and slightly out of control. Dgs tends to come out sweating and glowing, after thoroughly enjoying himself.

I think, with today's kids, it's probably safest to take them to MacDonalds!

The last birthday party we had was for my son when he was about 7, I think. It became unbelievably noisy with really loud shouting and screaming during musical chairs in the living room. The main source of all the noise was DH who yelled the loudest....but the children all thought it was wonderful fun.... I did make it the last one though.

We had theme parties to the extent that a teddy bears' picnic was entry only if accompanied by a teddy bear. The party food was in little picnic boxes and the children sat on greengrocer's grass. I made a lollipop tree that "grew" in the corner of the room and the cake was Paddington Bear. The princess party cake was a pink (very pink as I was rather heavy handed with the food colouring) castle and lots of dressing up for little girls. My daughter remembers these and her other birthday parties with great affection and in great detail.

At my eldest daughter`s 6th birthday party, one little girl handed over a present, saying "My mum says you`ll have to have this, it`s all we`ve got"! When unwrapped, it was a fountain pen and matching propelling pencil set, very nice, but to a 6 year old, a bit puzzling.

I too think the party rat-race is ridiculous, so too are weddings costing far more than couples can really afford. They lose sight of what parties/weddings are really about. My daughter has made a stand, even in a small house. She gives a tea party for a small number of special friends who go to different schools then for school friends, she clears her conservatory & the kids have a picnic, do crafts (so they also have something to take home) & play a few games. The cake is cheap or home-made but nicely decorated. While they are young parties are short & in the morning or over lunch (ban parents & other sibs where possible!). The parents & kids always talk about these parties long after the event. The big problem this year has been dealing with cultural differences - some don't reply to invitations & expect they can just turn up as & when like they do to their own large family gatherings with lots of people helping.
If kids get upset about lack of party bags then you've given them a good lesson for life.

anno - like a Chinese wedding! Working mums perhaps?
My GS (5) was recently invited to a "soft play" type party, on a school night, the day of the school trip. DIL had the sense to decline.

DS2's 7th birthday party was so rowdy that I decided that it was the last. The poor kittens had PTSD and I had a blinding headache! After that birthdays were a family affair - they insisted on my own recipe Black Forest Gateau - until they were old enough to go out with their friends. I was present at GS1's 7th birthday party a couple of years ago and was staggered at the number of children who, instead of a small gift, handed over folding money - sometimes £5, often £10.

I think it very much depends on where you live and the nature of the local school. DGC attend a school drawing children from a largish deprived council estate and the neighbouring estate of good sized 1930 semis. I think this negates a competitive party culture because there are so many children from a background where a birthday celebration would be going with parent/parents to McDonalds because that is all their parent/s can afford.

DGC had a birthday last week and did not have a party. She had a lovely day out with one side of the family last week and will have another birthday celebration with the southern contingent this week. Last year she did have a party, which simply consisted of half a dozen friends round, a play in the garden (the weather was glorious!!) followed by a barbercue. No entertainer, no party bags and no expectation that the whole class should be asked.

I`m just so pleased that my children are all grown up now, and that they were young when a party was a simple, happy affair. We had 5 of our own, so when a birthday party came around, the birthday girl/boy was allowed to invite 6 friends, no room for anymore! We had sandwiches, fruit and jelly, small cakes, and old fashioned party games. I used to go to the newsagent down the road and say we were having a party, and she`d get a big cardboard box from under the counter, from which I`d pick items for prizes in the games, little things like hair slides, pens, pencils, crayons and colouring books, those little games where you slid tiles around to make up a picture or words, little bouncing balls, marbles, etc., etc., etc. And when each child left for home, they took with them a wrapped up piece of birthday cake and a sweetie lucky bag.

Yes agree with everyone, particularly about putting families on tight budgets under enormous pressure. Unfortunately the Genie was let out of the bottle a long time ago and I don't know how society is going to stuff in back in because some will go broke for this type of nonsense. It seems many of us here remember when life was a lot simpler and shed loads of money didn't have to be spent to have a good time.

Personally I hate the whole gamut of vulgar displays starting with over the top childrens' parties right through to stretched limo end of school dances and ending in ghastly wedding excess, preceded by week long hen and stag dos. Allegedly the bigger the wedding the more likelihood of early divorce, too much focus on the day and not what comes afterwards. The worse scenario for some is that they are still paying for the bloody wedding long after the marriage has broken down!

Sorry - it's the insensitivity that upsets me.

Next door neighbour's child had a limo to go to the end of junior school prom At the end of the road.
It is the insensitivity towards the kids whose families are on tight budgets.

High school proms - dear oh dear - what a load of tosh! Just puts people under pressure to spend money - and is it a reward for hard work I ask myself? Does everyone go, even those who have dossed around, given their teachers grief and achieved little?

Oh dear, I am starting to sound like my FIL!!!

What a difficult situation for parents on benefit - how can they ever even try to keep up? - and why should they have to?!

I have taken my DGD to two parties this year, both totally OTT. The theme at the first party was wildlife and this involved live reptiles and insects. The second had a princess and pirate theme with paid entertainment. The party bags from both must have cost a pretty penny.

I was horrified at how much money appeared to have been spent and disgusted how much food was wasted on the day.

My sons birthdays are close so they often had a joint party, we had a large garden which backed on to woods perfect for boys to run riot and have adventures. Food was simple, a homemade burger and chips in take away cartons and ice cream cornets which they were allowed to make and decorate for themselves with various toppings. Afterwards they would all flop down to watch the latest Transformers video and eat a slice of homemade birthday cake.

I feel very sad that many of todays children will never know the fun we had as children.

Agree with you Bags. None of their business, unless there is a child protection issue. What are we doing to children, giving them these expectations of rampant consumerism and a fear of being bored?

Couldn't agree more with other comments about parties. I stopped giving party bags one son's birthday, by letting the children all decorate a plain T shirt to take home. T shirts from the wholesaler were very cheap, even cheaper as seconds, and a few packets of felt tips. A garden table was put up in the garage, so any mess. Was confined there. The other parents took the lead and ended the dreaded party bags.
Slightly different topic - when did weddings become carnivals! Report in today's paper says that couples put themselves into serious debt to pay for elaborate weddings. What's wrong with a ceremony, something to eat and a good get together, so that new family and friends can meet and share the love? Am I missing the point?

In response to a couple of posts about weekend diaries, why do school's think it's any of their business what a child does at the weekend? I'd tell Minibags's teachers to mind their own business if she had a weekend diary. Schools/teachers have no say and no business prying about what kids and their families do out of school. Bloody cheek!

I pretty much agree with everyone else here, insomuch as I think it's a great shame that the essence of a the simple child's birthday party has been lost, it's a great shame. I also admit to having splashed out myself on themed parties, under duress and just being swept along with the general trends at the time. One friend I have who has always been a bit of a maverick never bowed to pressure, mainly due to financial constraints, she always had exceptional traditional tea parties for her children which often started with games in a nearby park. She also excelled at making brilliant themed cakes. I enjoy making cakes but I was never very good in turning them into a "mutant ninja turtle!".

I'm all for returning to the traditional sandwiches, jelly and ice cream and birthday cake followed by games. I certainly remember being very excited when I received a party invitation when I was young.

Unfortunately we have become a society that has got very blase about spending enormous amounts of money on non events. When did the high school prom become de rigueur in this country? That again requires parents to splash out copious amounts of money on rubbish like ball gowns and stretched limousines. Again a simple concept ruined by excess. I have even read about parents who really wanted to go one better and hired a helicopter for their little darling be dropped in, literally, to make some sort of mark with their peers. Conspicuous showing off I'd say!

Blooming ridiculous. Another casualty of some people having too much disposable income and others not enough.
Printed party invitations
Party with a theme etc etc
Gifts for the birthday/boy girl from everyone (at ever escalating costs)
Party bags for the guests
and - a phenomenon I witnessed with own eyes - Printed thank you for coming to my party and giving me a present cards...

The most extravagant one off I can report on is a nephew that lives in quite affluent area: Age 13. A visit to a track where everyone got a chance to drive a fast car. A real one. Price per child £80. (This was 3 years ago).

Some parents just do not have the time to spend the weekend going on exciting adventures. I feel pressured, when GD comes to stay with me, she arrives with a diary to complete and a list of things she could be doing with Grandma. I would like to enjoy watching her play and watch the odd film with her but do not like my day pre-planned.
DS now takes the eldest out hiking and doing photography because it occupies her and keeps the classroom spies off his back.
GC attend several parties a week and they usually involve soft play or entertainers and party bags with not only cake but quite a number of toys too. I used to love the parties my mum did for me, jelly and ice cream, little sandwiches, scones with threepenny bits wrapped in greaseproof paper. Party games were all the standard ones, pin the tail on the donkey, blind man's buff, pass the parcel.

When we lived in Manchester our daughters used to get invited to swimming pool parties, horse riding parties etc. and always came home with a party bag of expensive stuff. I couldn't afford anything like that and wouldn't do it if I could. We had 'traditional' children's parties, with a 'twist' and some my children's parties are still being talked of now.
At one party we watched a Mary Poppins video with big bowls of popcorn that the children had made themselves and followed it up with traditional party games (I had to 'teach' pass the parcel because no-one had ever played it). The children loved it but one mother was quite waspish because her daughter was so 'easily pleased'!
At another party (for my son) we took the children through a local park when it was dark (December birthday) and they had to hunt for 'glow in the dark' worms that had been left there earlier. We returned home to a lit brazier outside the summer house and sat outside bundled up in coats listening to my son's grandfather tell fantastic stories and eating 'cowboy stew'.

I agree. At one school my son had to write a weekend diary, what he had been up to. It drove us mad, trying to find something different for him to do each weekend. If all he had done was stay at home, watch DVDs, make a cake with his sister and play with his lego he was distraught because he thought he would have nothing exciting to wwrite about.

I confronted his teacher in the end, and she said that some families did absolutely nothing with their children, just plonked them in front of the tv or computer each weekend, and the diary helped her to discover which ones those were. She felt that the diary writing would shame them into spending more time with the children, doing something that they all enjoyed.