What does "can't afford a birthday party" mean?

Drat! forgot to close the square brackets: twitpic.com/cscjo0

Inviting a child's friends is also to raise an expectation of party bags. When my DiL had the bright idea of donating to a charity instead (which she explained to parents beforehand), there were lots of disconsolate kids.

What it probably means is that they cannot afford to take them paintballing or to a special do at the local soft play place.

I can't remember birthday parties costing us much. A little group of friends in the front room playing pass the parcel and sleeping lions just isn't the thing these days. More's the pity, because it was always enjoyed by all.

My grandsons are lucky because they can get the church hall for free for theirs! And the mums do the catering in the kitchenette between them. (Dad makes the birthdays cakes)

I long for those birthday parties that were just the child, their immediate family and a couple of friends for birthday tea. The next one will be in a soft play centre with the whole classroom of kids, plus the cousins, friends' children and neighbours. Two hours of mayhem and costs a fortune!

A few months ago lots of you helped me with ideas for games for a birthday party for my twin grandchildren who will be 6 next week. The party hasn't happened yet but we are beginning to get cold feet because we haven't employed "professionals". The guests have started asking what kind of party is it--trampolining , jewellery, an entertainer etc ? My daughter now feels that because we haven't spent a lot on venue etc she must buy them all an expensive going home present and as there are 18 guests she has spent over £60 on this alone. Defeats the object , I think. One of the curses of living in an affluent area like this is that people shell out money without really thinking and I can't think of anyone who could not afford a party. It is really big business like the wedding industry but we will do our best to help them enjoy some good old-fashioned games and hope the children are not too scornful or critical. A sad reflection here at any rate: parents with lots of money but very little time. Happy to hand over party arranging to the professionals.

Birthday parties of yesteryear were simple affairs with a tea party and a birthday cake, with games like pass the parcel. It became apparent when my own children were young that they have now become over blown load of of nonsense with some ridiculous parents trying to outdo each other with party bags. A close friend of mine actually confessed that she had spent £200 on these so called "party bags". I'm afraid I couldn't help say "more fool you" it just slipped out. This was all about 18 years ago, so possibly it could be a lot worse now. Having said that I also had a number of friends who were completely grounded and went down the old fashioned route of tea, games and cake. Party bags were only ever meant to shove a bit of birthday cake in, now some unfortunates think they have to give each child some sort of toy memento. Having said all that after having a few parties at home, I found it quite stressful trying to keep loads of kids amused for a couple of hours plus we found we were spending quite a lot not only on food for kids but on wine and nibbles for the numerous adults we roped into help. I ended up dreading having them at home and every year the number invited would grow and grow. Eventually we started to opt for activity parties such as swimming or roller skating where we used a venue. We did give our boys a birthday part every year from about aged 2 until they reached about 13 when happily they were glad to be able to organize their own day. I take my hat off to people who don't get sucked in and keep it simple. I'm just glad it's all behind me now!

I noticed Home Bargains (B and M Bargains has the same) had Piñatas in stock, really cheap - children enjoy bashing them with a blindfold on. Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Pass the Parcel (put a tiny pack of sweets inside each wrapper), Statues, Simon Says, ask children if they have a song, poem or party piece they want to do (no pressure, but some will dance when the fridge light comes on). Have a great time!

BAnanas I could have written that myself - my youngest daughter is 24 and one party she went to ten years ago, every child was given a new watch in their 'goody bag'. Crazy, competitive parents and like you, I'm just so happy it's all behind me.

Stepping away from the the bigger, bigger, best, over-the-top birthday parties is the way to go. It's crazy to spend so much money and in doing so raising the expectations of children. Keep it simple. Make it happy and fun - all can be done on a shoestring.
A friend arranged taking her grandchildren and their friends to a petting farm - all free. Lots of other parents/grandparents helped out. All back for birthday tea.

Its expectation inflation from parents who try the one upmanship act on their kids parties. In the 1980s we had parties with traditional party games main friends not the whole class. The party bags had simple silly treats and toys and the kids enjoyed it just as much.

On my sons 5th birthday my DH sat them all down at the end and read them a story. They loved it and it calmed them down. On his first birthday he and two friends just slightly older all finished up in my kitchen playing with the tinned food in the bottom cupboard. Trying to stack tins is a great delight for one yr olds.

If a group of local mums got togther and talked about this, the expensive party business could be finished at a stroke. Its all about parents showing off and over indulged children.
I can't see how the parent get to think like this.

Having splashed out last year - and the little birthday girl became ill during the party and can't remember much about it!!! - DS and partner went for a simple party at home this year with big sister and her friend organising the games and it was very successful with very simple party bags. A good time was had by all. I think it's the parents who are the competitors rather than the children but the children pick it up from the parents. This was DGD's 4th birthday so perhaps the expectation grows with the years although my other GC have comparatively simple parties too which are much enjoyed eg an outing with a friend, visit to a play centre usually based on some sort of theme eg pirates.

Far too much money is spent on birthday parties. I blame Margaret Thatcher Carol Middleton

merlot

I have done the lot over the past 28 years, from simple family celebrations to go-karting, paintballing to picnics. Party bags can be as simple or expensive as you want - and years ago I did find some watches in a pound shop so popped them in. Pound shops were always my hunting ground for party bags.

The children enjoyed them all equally, I think. The biggest difference was in how much pleasure I got out of them. I was far happier taking them all to a venue where I knew my dogs, cats, house and garden would all be safe and undisturbed, and I would not be faced with stains, spills, exhaustion and washing-up until late into the evening.

This year we were shocked by my son's 18th birthday request. He wanted a day's shopping and lunch in Cambridge, followed by a meal in his favourite restaurant, with a cheap meal for a few friends in the local chinese buffet restaurant one night during the week. We had thought he would want a huge party somewhere, ie marquee in our garden, and were rather dreading it.

Parties have just got silly now - and the joy is lost in the stress to do the "right thing" - one DD gets involved in the whole big party thing; another goes for a bit of homely fun. I am sure it is dictated by where they live and the expectations of other parents around. Daft if you ask me - who are these parties for?

Last year an ex London double decker bus, all colours of the rainbow, drove to one of my neighbour's front door one Saturday afternoon. It was a birthday party for the eldest, about 7 years of age. There were two entertainers with the bus and I think that the children played games in it. There were quite a few children swarming around inside it. Heaven knows how much the bus + the two entertainers cost to hire, and the children went home with party bags. I personally thought that it was a waste of money and children do not need to be entertained by swarming over an ex double decker bus even although it appeared to be beautifully decorated inside.
The children were ecstatic but at what price?

Isn't the same thing with days out? Every weekend or bank holiday seems to involve visits to what used to be "treats" so they have now become the norm.

I love spending time with my DGC when they come here and they seem to like one-to-one chats and doing home activities like baking or pretending games or drawing. I really do not agree with the endless outings they go on. DD says it's easier to take them out than have them running riot at home but why does that have to be the alternative?

I have always thought that the greatest gift you can give your children is your time.

Spot on, Gagagran

I agree. At one school my son had to write a weekend diary, what he had been up to. It drove us mad, trying to find something different for him to do each weekend. If all he had done was stay at home, watch DVDs, make a cake with his sister and play with his lego he was distraught because he thought he would have nothing exciting to wwrite about.

I confronted his teacher in the end, and she said that some families did absolutely nothing with their children, just plonked them in front of the tv or computer each weekend, and the diary helped her to discover which ones those were. She felt that the diary writing would shame them into spending more time with the children, doing something that they all enjoyed.

When we lived in Manchester our daughters used to get invited to swimming pool parties, horse riding parties etc. and always came home with a party bag of expensive stuff. I couldn't afford anything like that and wouldn't do it if I could. We had 'traditional' children's parties, with a 'twist' and some my children's parties are still being talked of now.
At one party we watched a Mary Poppins video with big bowls of popcorn that the children had made themselves and followed it up with traditional party games (I had to 'teach' pass the parcel because no-one had ever played it). The children loved it but one mother was quite waspish because her daughter was so 'easily pleased'!
At another party (for my son) we took the children through a local park when it was dark (December birthday) and they had to hunt for 'glow in the dark' worms that had been left there earlier. We returned home to a lit brazier outside the summer house and sat outside bundled up in coats listening to my son's grandfather tell fantastic stories and eating 'cowboy stew'.

Some parents just do not have the time to spend the weekend going on exciting adventures. I feel pressured, when GD comes to stay with me, she arrives with a diary to complete and a list of things she could be doing with Grandma. I would like to enjoy watching her play and watch the odd film with her but do not like my day pre-planned.
DS now takes the eldest out hiking and doing photography because it occupies her and keeps the classroom spies off his back.
GC attend several parties a week and they usually involve soft play or entertainers and party bags with not only cake but quite a number of toys too. I used to love the parties my mum did for me, jelly and ice cream, little sandwiches, scones with threepenny bits wrapped in greaseproof paper. Party games were all the standard ones, pin the tail on the donkey, blind man's buff, pass the parcel.

Blooming ridiculous. Another casualty of some people having too much disposable income and others not enough.
Printed party invitations
Party with a theme etc etc
Gifts for the birthday/boy girl from everyone (at ever escalating costs)
Party bags for the guests
and - a phenomenon I witnessed with own eyes - Printed thank you for coming to my party and giving me a present cards...

The most extravagant one off I can report on is a nephew that lives in quite affluent area: Age 13. A visit to a track where everyone got a chance to drive a fast car. A real one. Price per child £80. (This was 3 years ago).

I pretty much agree with everyone else here, insomuch as I think it's a great shame that the essence of a the simple child's birthday party has been lost, it's a great shame. I also admit to having splashed out myself on themed parties, under duress and just being swept along with the general trends at the time. One friend I have who has always been a bit of a maverick never bowed to pressure, mainly due to financial constraints, she always had exceptional traditional tea parties for her children which often started with games in a nearby park. She also excelled at making brilliant themed cakes. I enjoy making cakes but I was never very good in turning them into a "mutant ninja turtle!".

I'm all for returning to the traditional sandwiches, jelly and ice cream and birthday cake followed by games. I certainly remember being very excited when I received a party invitation when I was young.

Unfortunately we have become a society that has got very blase about spending enormous amounts of money on non events. When did the high school prom become de rigueur in this country? That again requires parents to splash out copious amounts of money on rubbish like ball gowns and stretched limousines. Again a simple concept ruined by excess. I have even read about parents who really wanted to go one better and hired a helicopter for their little darling be dropped in, literally, to make some sort of mark with their peers. Conspicuous showing off I'd say!