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Daughters - who'd have them?

(22 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-13 19:58:00

We have three (plus two sons!!)

DD1 has two children and has just had a miscarriage, is a SENCO with the job of turning round the inclusion policy of her school - making a success of it but needs lots of practical support. Lives 15 miles away.

DD2 has one daughter, is expecting no 2 at the beginning of October and is feeling very unwell. Lives 100 miles away.

DD3 has one son (18 months), one daughter (4 months), one dog, one cat, one husband who works away, talks of getting pregnant again after C*******s and has just set up a company with her best friend. Lives 2 miles away.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it all and I doubt I'll just be thinking about it before too long. grin

nanaej Wed 10-Jul-13 20:58:42

Lordy! I just have 2 x DDs. But both nearby ( within a few minutes drive or a 10-15 minute walk)

DD2 has two sons 5 yrs and almost 14 mths & is a self employed consultant main breadwinner and about to move house (still local). DH is a firefighter out of the house 6:30a.m.-8p.m most days and is on call on his days off

DD1 has two daughters 7 (almost 8) and 4 1/2. She works p/t as a teacher in a nursery school but her OH has his own building firm so works long hours /weekends as he is never sure when next job will be. Holidays are not on the agenda!

My parents helped out when I went back to work p/t after DD1 and did plenty of babysitting too. But I was very lucky to have 4 yrs at home after DD2. Financially tough but we made ends meet! DH worked in the summer holidays (he was a teacher) and did extra after school work so i could be at home. Also my two brothers were around and helped a lot to supplement my child minder arrangements when I returned to work.

nanaej Wed 10-Jul-13 20:59:49

I realise I have got my DDs wrong in my previous post!! DD1 has 2 sons and DD2 has 2 daughters!!

gracesmum Wed 10-Jul-13 21:15:23

So sorry to hear of your daughter's miscarriage, kitty - so far our only DD to have babies (DD1) has had no trouble conceiving or having her 2, but I can imagine the grief mums go through on their daughters' behalf.
Our other 2 are as yet childless, one (youngest) married last year, but with a recent diagnosis of psoriatic arthritis and (we hope) perhaps the possibility of a drug trial will have to wait a few years before thinking of babies. Middle DD has only in the last 2 years met her ideal man and with careers in the theatre and in art I think babies will have to wait a bit too.
When I was pregnant with DD3, people said they assumed we were hoping for a boy but I can honestly say that I was perfectly happy to have a third daughter. Maybe DH had had hopes of a boy to carry on the family name, but that never mattered to me. With 2 grandsons I have had to learn what goes where at nappy time (!) and I have found that little boys really can be different from little girls!! 2 of our girls live 60 miles south of us in London and the one with the boys lives 75 miles north in Birmingham so we are about midway but I would love to live nearer to all of them - impossible though.

susieb755 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:52:09

I love my DD to bits, I had her after two boys and a 9 year gap, and have a brilliant relationship with her, which I didn't have with my own sadly ,she has always confided in me, never been ashamed to be seen with me,and we have great times together, plus she gave me a delightful DGD two years ago...I just wish she lived a bit closer, although it is only 45 minutes, plus she is a fab hairdresser, so I am always well coiffured smile

PS I also love my 2 DS and DSS to bits as well

tanith Wed 10-Jul-13 23:26:52

My daughters are both a delight to me , they've had it tough over the last 20+ yrs one way and another my eldest has 4 children and my younger daughter 3 beautiful children. They are all growing up and moving out into the World now and my son has just started his journey with a new son.. I'm happy that both girls live within a short walk or drive we spend plenty of time together and they share most of their troubles with me. They are lovely girls. I think I've been where you are kitty but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

kittylester Thu 11-Jul-13 07:07:18

I count myself very lucky that I get on really well with all three DDs (well, mostly - they can all be bossy in their own ways wink). Although my mum sometimes helped with my children, we didn't have a very good relationship so I envy, and enjoy, their relationship with each other. I would have loved to have a sister or two when we were having babies etc. I now get on really well with one of my sisters in law but they lived in Canada when the children were small and I didn't know her so well. sad

Gally Thu 11-Jul-13 07:33:27

I have 3 DDs. No.1 has 2 boys (2,3) and lives 350 miles away;No.2 has 2 boys and 2 girls (9,6,5,1) and lives 12,000 miles away and No.3 has one of each (3,1) and is 400 miles away. As they have grown up, married and had children they get on better with each other. As children they got on in twos and the eldest was always considered the bossy one. Middle one was always the difficult one and the youngest the 'spoilt' one! I am constantly amazed by them and very proud of them all and how they cope in sometimes very difficult circumstances. The youngest needs to work and holds down a very demanding job while coping with 2 very demanding toddlers - no wonder she looks exhausted shock. I used to worry about them all the time but have learnt to let it go now - too many probs of my own to concentrate on! I just wish we were all nearer to each other. I would have loved to have had a boy, but we had wonderful, happy times and they had an idyllic childhood by the sea with many friends, a loving family and a Dad who adored them so what more could I ask for.

HUNTERF Thu 11-Jul-13 07:33:36

My 2 daughters have 2 daughters each and they are fine.
I just wish my wife had been alive to see our granddaughters.
From the point of view of the wider family I think boys have now gone out of existence.
The family name will certainly be gone in 50 years time.
2 relatives have married men with very uncommon family names and we think it is the end of that name for them.


kittylester Thu 11-Jul-13 07:48:00

In the interests of balance I should maybe mention my DDiL who was a single mum with two small nous when she and DS2 tenet about five years ago. She has a great relationship with her mum so I don't have quite the same interaction with her although she us lovely and a perfect partner for our son.

I have had two other daughters in law - one, I knew was no good and the other turns out to have been worse. angry

sunflowersuffolk Thu 11-Jul-13 07:48:45

I would love to have a daughter. I envy you. I have 2 sons who are miles away (one literally other side of world) Generally but not always of course, I think in adult life you are more likely to have a closer relationship with daughters, and of course, the grand children. I see my freinds going shopping with daughters, spa days, days out with them and grandchildren, be grateful. I love my boys but they are gone now, apart from occasional visits.

whenim64 Thu 11-Jul-13 07:50:52

I have twin daughters (2 sons, too) who live no more than 15 minutes away, and they involve me in their's and their children's lives and routines, invite me on holiday (I don't always say 'yes' and they don't invite me every time) and we have what I think is a great mum/daughter relationship. Both have had problems conceiving, both had IVF, both have twins, and both were fortunate to be successful first time. They've faced tough times that I've felt helpless to be able to assist with, but come through them as strong women and mums, and I really admire them. They are close sisters, and close to their older brothers, who still delight in winding them both up, but are protective towards them, too.

I love them asking, when their children misbehave, 'was I ever like that?' I'm pleased to be able to reply 'oh, no - you were ten times worse!' grin

HUNTERF Thu 11-Jul-13 08:31:57


You said ''I think in adult life you are more likely to have a closer relationship with daughters, and of course, the grand children''.

I am not sure if I would agree there.
When my wife was alive we tended to visit her parents and mine an even number of times.
Mind you probably our relationship was unusual by the fact my mother in law was the headmistress of the school I went to and I met my late wife when we were 11.
Probably our parents almost regarded us as the equivalent to a brother and sister.

Strangely my daughters are daughters in law of their ex teachers.

I warned them what it would be like but they took no notice. grin


Nonu Thu 11-Jul-13 08:51:59

I love my two DD"s to bits , as indeed my son.

The eldest is a girl , then I had twins , a boy and girl .

MaggieP Thu 11-Jul-13 09:09:19

I have two boys and a DD,all married, we are all close but eldest son is abroad with our two Grandkids! No others yet on the horizon......
DD and I enjoy having occasional days together, shopping, lunching , sometimes a show in London and we keep in touch a lot, boys are great but certainly different!!

nanaej Thu 11-Jul-13 09:12:26

Frank, My sons in law married the headteacher's daughters too!

Nonu Thu 11-Jul-13 09:14:33

A son is a son , till he gets him a wife .

I suppose basically we are raising them for some-one else .

Although I will say my son is a good chap .


janthea Thu 11-Jul-13 09:48:30

I have two daughters. The elder lives in Europe and has two sons (6 and 4) and the younger lives 10 minutes away from me. She has a daughter (4) and a son (19mths) and is expecting number 2 son at the end of November. It would have been nice to have had another grandaughter, but she and her husband didn't mind either way.

I'm very close to both daughters and grandchildren. Obviously I don't see the one who lives in Europe as much, but I speak to her at least 2 or 3 times a week. I see the one who lives near me every week and speak every day. smile

ninathenana Thu 11-Jul-13 14:49:05

Only have one DD I think we have a great relationship, I hope she'd say the same smile We have shopping days out together. Share the same humour etc.

She has two boys 4 and 16mths. Happily for me they moved back to this area in January, and are now 10mins away by car. I know I'm very fortunate to spend lots of time with DGS and DD I missed her as much as them before they came back.

Babs1952 Thu 11-Jul-13 20:42:32

My DD lives in NYC with her US husband and my lovely DGD - 5yrs. We have a good relationship despite the distance! They came to the UK to live last year but it didn't work out and they returned to the US after 6 months. I was heartbroken sad but they must do what's best for them. I would say our relationship is very special smile. When we visit each other we always have a Mum / daughter day lunch shopping or theatre.

I also have a son who is married with 2 lovely daughters they live 3.5 hours away. My DIL and I have a difficult relationshipsad. I've had counselling to try to make sense of the problems and was told she is jealous of me. If that's the case all I can say is WHY!

Nonu Thu 11-Jul-13 21:05:06

Perhaps BABS 1952 , it is because !!!

I do think and I could be wrong , we do as Mothers raise our children as best we can, and love them with our heart and soul .

However , sometimes DILS can get jealous , I enjoy my relationship with my DIL.

At the end of the day she may see , how we raised our sons , made him the man she loves


TwiceAsNice Thu 11-Jul-13 21:43:03

I have 2 DD the eldest has twin daughters aged 4. The youngest has no children and has decided she doesn't want any of her own but she is so besotted with her nieces and sees them as her children as well! My daughters are exceptionally close and live near each other and the little girls worship their "Aunty Dani"