The Sadness

Twiceasnice, so true. We do all carry our own individual grief, which is impossible to describe, though can nevertheless empathise with those who carry theirs.

Phoenix never think you are mad, grief is hugely physical. I lost my middle child my only son in 1984 when he was nearly 5 . Not a day goes by that I don,t think of him even though I have 2 beautiful grown up daughters and 2 even more beautiful grand daughters who are a joy to me there will always be someone infinitely precious missing from my life.

Through the years I have lost grandparents, parents, and 3 very close friends but nothing compares with losing a child., you belong to a club no one wants to join. I send you love and sympathy and the empathy of someone who understands something of what you feel. No one understands completely because all loss even similar is too individual.

I hope there is still happiness in your life but do not be hard on yourself because of your sadness you are still surviving. Well done!

Aka what a wonderful quote and gosh how very true. I think it says it all really.

I find this quote very true

"There is only one certain truth - even if I had known there would come the cruel grief I suffer today I would endure it all again for the wonder of having had you in my life "

I didn't have time to mourn my father when he died as my mother was so needy, but there are times when the missing him really hurts physically and other times when he seems to be beside me. I remember on one wonderful day last year we were sailing in a perfect breeze on the Meditteranean sea and he was there too. No reason, out of the blue, he didn't sail, but there he was. Perhaps there is an afterlife.

I have those feelings often, I was 19 when my boyfriend was shot and killed in Brazil, we were on a gap year before Uni travelling around South America. Its strange but I sometimes smell him, roll ups and a certain soap in some situations. My Mum died a few years ago and I often pick up the phone to call her and then remember. Its ok to feel sad but its also brilliant to remember how very special they were.

Cannot imagine how painful that must be. I love my daughter so much.thinking of you

To Phoenix & others who have suffered so much, whatever their loss, none of us are mad, just sad - we wouldn't be right if we weren't sad.
20 years ago tonight my lovely 16 year old daughter & middle child died 40 days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. So of I feel sad too tonight & not a day goes by without thinking about her. But it's mixed with the joy of having been privileged to have given her birth & known her in her short life & I'm strengthened by the love shown by all her & her brother & sister's friends to us through & after her illness. So love to us all & be as sad as you need to be. It's not the feeling itself but what you do with it that is important.

Pam , sorry the "taken" was supposed to be underlined.

positivepam I don't know what to say, to have a child -taken- from you like that must be so hard. (For those who do not know, my youngest son Jack hanged himself)

Movedalot no anniversary, no reminder, just that sometimes the feeling comes upon me and is deep and strong.

I had lost my mum and dad and nan by the time I was 30. It was heart breaking at the time I still feel a deep sadness for them and I suppose pity for myself, even envy of friends whose parents are still alive.

I don't know how those of you whom have lost a child cope, to quote Mishap my heart goes out to you all xx

phoenix and those others who have lost a child - it has all been said. You are not alone. The gransnet community cares and understands. Please do not think you are mad.

I feel slightly daft being so deeply affected by the recent death of my Dad - he was 93 for goodness sake - he had a long life and, although he had a very difficult year, his final moments were peaceful. I know this cannot compare with the death of a child or a spouse, but I feel that he was the first person who ever loved me and that makes him very special in my heart.

We all have to deal with loss and it is indeed a physical pain - my heart goes out to you all.xxx

when - . xx

I've been avoiding this thread......

It's a year since my sister died this weekend. Her picture is on my kitchen dresser and every time I have passed it in the last few days, I feel overwhelmingly sad that she isn't here. But.....I can accept her loss and I know I'm going to be ok again after this weekend has passed.

The loss of your child or your childhood, that's a whole other, deeper, visceral pain. I'm so sorry that some people have been put through this. for you.

positivepam, the anniversaries are particularly hard, aren't they? In my case it's the run up to what would have been his birthday, and usually by the time the day has come, the grief subsides again, like an ebb and flow. I do try not to let it creep up, and try to occupy myself by doing something else, but it just does just fall about me again, and it hits like a sledgehammer. However, as you say - we're not suffering from depression, and don't need medication to get us through it (though some may).
However, it's not all there is. It's not what I'm about - it's something that happened to him and to me. And life is good - very good.

I would imagine that it's a pain that is always there but sometimes, for no particular reason, washes over you like a wave, possibly at a time when you least expect it to happen. But this is just me surmising. Either way, I can't imagine such pain or how anyone finds the inner strength to cope with it .

I have only just seen this thread and wonder what brought on this feeling this week phoenix? Did something remind you? Is it an anniversary of something? Whatever it was I hope you are beginning to feel a bit better now. We are used to seeing you as upbeat most of the time

To everyone else who shares these feelings of loss I share them with you.

Phoenix I know what you mean as so many of us unfortunately do. My son was murdered when he was only seventeen and the anniversary of this is coming up this month. It doesn't matter how long ago we lose people, there are just those times when we just think about it and feel sadness and no, it doesn't mean we are all suffering from depression and no we aren't going mad. Neither do we need anti-depressants(although some people might) it means we are just remembering and boy does it hurt. My love and thoughts go out to all who go through this at various times and some of us cover it very well as has been said. Grief can hit you when you least expect it and depart just as quickly until another day. Best wishes to all.

to Butty and also to Phoenix especially for starting this thread and enabling so many of you to express your deep grief and sadness.

And also to you, glass, my dear. xx

Butty, . xx

phoenix marelli gally galen I cant imagine the pain you feel.

butty Sorry your post wasn't noticed but I am sending you {{{hugs}}} I know what it would have taken to stand up and make that statement.

The loss of a child is the worse pain that a parent can experience

Glassortwo started a thread recently as she was feeling grumpy and opinion seemed to be that it was a normal state - we should embrace our inner grump. Surely The Sadness is also a normal affliction for those of our generation and I think we should embrace it too, mourn for a while. For how much worse would it be to have no one to mourn? To have missed the enrichment those we loved brought to us.

to those who mourn and for those who are mourned.

My thoughts are with all you brave people who have lost people close to you, particularly those of you who have lost children.
Your postings have been truly remarkable, I have been touched by what I have read and feel very humbled
to you all xx