The Sadness

Not in the slightest, Phoenix - neither remembering those whom you loved(d) and lost nor in the pysical sensation.
When the July bombs went off, 2 of our DDs were in London and were likely to be in areas affected. I was teaching, but had tried to contact by mobile in morning break and when I was told phone services were not available, my reaction was entirely physical. That phrase "insides turned to water" could not have been more true and I fled to the nearest loo. It was not until I had contacted DD1 in Leeds, who emailed DD3 at work and could reassure me she was safe , as was DD2, thaat my imsides returned to normal.
An entirely physical reaction to the fear and stress!

No phoenix you are not mad. I was thinking along similar lines only last week after attending the funeral of my last remaining aunt. I have lost both parents, grandparents, numerous aunts and uncles (we were a very close family) and a very dear friend. I was thinking that I have lost more people than I still have and I just wanted to see my mum again. The pain and the longing was, as you say, physical.

The loss of a child must be on another level altogether x

Oh Phoenix, the loss of a child must fall under the banner of 'unbearable sadness'.

Almost every day i think of my beloved Grandma who died almost fourteen years ago, the heartache is a real, physical pain.

Not mad, not in the slightest.

The loss of a child must be almost unbearable, my heart goes out to you.
And, yes, sadness is like a physical pain at times, somewhere in the middle,
the solar plexus. You are absolutely not mad....
Sending my best wishes to you.

phoenix - mad - not you How you ever cope with losing a child I can't imagine and it must be awful when 'The Sadness' hits you. (((hugs)))

I am sometimes overcome with sadness for DS1, for what he has lost and how awful his life has become but we still have him with us and he is moving on with his life.

phoenix I think it is normal to feel these sad times. I am going through it myself at the moment. 1st August would have been DH's 65th birthday and 22nd August will be 2 years since he died. I think it is best to just accept what you are feeling and know that it will pass. I find trying to think of all the happy times we had does help.

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child and (((hugs)))

A very close friend lost his son of 5yrs old through drowning and his wife died when she was 38. I can honestly say that he is the most upbeat positive person I know. How do they do it.

I'm sure that's why the heart is a symbol of love, because the emptiness is in that area.

29th August would have been my darling husbands 70th birthday. It is just over 10 years since he died. I do wish we were celebrating it together!

Galen
I am psyching myself up, gradually, for what would have been our 40th Anniversary in December. It is hard hearing how friends are planning to celebrate theirs but I try to rise above it!
Phoenix you aren't mad, of course none of us are; we are just desperately sad. I have had that awful physical feeling since John died. It's a combination of pain, hurt, disbelief, guilt and everything else rolled into one. If I think about my situation too deeply, it becomes even worse which is why I rush about trying to be jolly and happy, filling my days with anything and everything and pretending all is well when it damn well isn't but that is how I try to cope. Just thinking about your situation, losing a beloved son, makes me reconsider my grief and in a way puts it into perspective.

sunseeker, Galen, Gally, (((hugs))) No-one is mad - just very sad.

(((hugs))) To all feeling sad about lost loved ones at the moment.

My Dads birthday is on the 19th. He died in 2002 at 86. Even though he was of a good age he was still fit and physically well until he got a very aggressive duodenal cancer.
He was so active for his age he had seemed to me to be indestructible.

phoenix, by the time we get to our age, I suppose it goes without saying that some, or most of us will have lost parents and other extended family members that we really, really loved and who loved us back.
There's not one day that passes that I don't think of J, my baby boy who I found dead in his cot one spring morning when I was 18. More children have come for me, and their children and in in the case of one of those children, her child as well. Some days for a short time, I can feel so bereft I can hardly bear it - but then, you just do, don't you? No understanding how we manage it, either. It's a clutching in my heart (and soul, probably) that I feel, and that will never, ever go away. That I do know.

phoenix. No you certainly are not mad. I have lost many people, as most folks on here have. My mother and in-laws (all in their 50s), my father,
my nephew at 16 from leukemia (I was visiting him when he passed away), my sister-in-law (his mother) at 49, my brother at 24 (suicide), every one of my uncles and aunts, many friends, the most recent of which was a month ago aged 52. Many days I have not felt like getting up in the morning but somehow we do.
I can remember years ago when they used to visit childrens cancer wards on TV on Christmas morning, watching from my cosy living room thinking 'how awful' but it seemed like an alien world to me - something that happened to other people. Never in a million years did I ever think this would affect my family but it did. for you phoenix

Most of us have been touched by sadness and to a certain extent can identify with those who have posted of such great losses in their lives. When a large part of your life has been taken away, the change is unimaginable to those who have not experienced it.

The loss of a child must be just overwhelming. The loss of a husband/partner equally so. to all those suffering "The Sadness"

No one is mad to miss loved ones who have died. But it is almost unbearable at times. Very difficult, too - trying to be jolly when you are hurting inside. As we get older friends get fewer I remember my dear mother saying that, but its just as hard to take and loss changes our lives for ever. Dara XXX

to all of us, I think.

....... "There's not one day that passes that I don't think of J, my baby boy who I found dead in his cot one spring morning when I was 18" ......

Marelli how young you were to have suffered such a loss.

Big hugs and to you all.

So much loss, so many kind and heartfelt words to friends on gransnet. I found it comforting to see so many people acknowledge that we don't have 'closure', we somehow continue to live our lives. I count my blessings for the life I shared with my parents, and with some very good and much loved friends, who are no longer here. It's the relationships and love we shared that help me with the sadness. That, and a growing recognition that love is a great sustainer.

Iam64, you're right. We don't have closure, do we - nor would we want it, because you can't draw a line under a person whom we have loved and lost.
It's all part of life, though.
Riverwalk, . x

Baby brother died when I was 4,Mum and dad when I was in my 30's.
Sister died of breast cancer in 1987.All my aunts,uncles,sisters/brothers- in
law and several close friends in last few years.
But none of these losses have given me the gut-wrenching pain of being denied contact with my only grandson in the last 3 years.I feel it every day.His 14th birthday yesterday.I sent a card but not sure he will see it.

For you Phoenix, loss of an almost grown-up child must be the hardest to bear.I often read your poem.

Maniac, I do so hope that soon things will change for you and your grandson. Never say never. xx

If you do find yourself dwelling a lot on past unhappinesses, it might be worth considering a visit to the doc to rule out depression. Obviously everyone misses loved ones who have passed on, and thinks of them from time to time, but it shouldn't colour too much of your everyday life.

Phoenix, no, you are not mad, those physical feelings of grief you describe are familiar to me.
I think they never go away entirely, but as time passes you are able to experience sensations of joy too. It's important I think to allow yourself to do that and to recognise that it's ok almost to feel happy and sad at the same time, if that makes sense.