Back handed compliment.

My god gilly bob what a rude lady!

Can't believe anyone would say that but suppose she meant it a compliment ?! In roundabout way.

When I worked at M&S it always used to worry me when customers recognised me away from work. Minus the hideous black uniform and awful hat, and decently made up I always felt it should have taken them longer to work out who I was.

hahahahah! gillybob what a laugh!

My MiL was as deaf as a post and I used to take her to the audiology clinic.
one day there was an undoubtedly fat woman there who sat over two chairs. My MiL who was a sparrow of a woman and wore her thinness like a badge of honour said in her loud voice ' She is fat, not seen such a fat one for a longtime. I can say that because she is deaf and can't hear me'
The woman was accompanying her deaf child to the clinic.

Back handed compliment I always hated was "oh you have a bonny face" This was usually after some comment about size as at the time I was over 20 stone. I'm now down to just under 13 stone and when I spoke to my mother on the phone the other day (we don't really talk much) I told her I had lost another 3 stone she said oh so have I you can have my old clothes. Needless to say I won't be making the trip up to Scotland to collect them. She always has to follow a compliment with a put down. So much so if someone says I look nice I'm waiting on the "but" lol.

But you can't win if you are a mother. Now we are supposed to say to little girls not how pretty they are but be interested in their achievements .wasnt there a thread about this? My DD has been in the UK buying the going back to school kit and I don't know what is in her mind but the clothes she has bought for DGD are hideous and unflattering.the child has so little for herself as most things are bought to pass on to the younger brother that she loves anything pink. DGD actually said her father would hate it because it was pink. Am I alone with the gritted teeth and the bitten tongue after the summer hols?

gillybob that made me smile you could have been talking about my MIL when she was in hospital. She was deaf and refused to wear her hearing aids so shouted her insults very loudly.

margaret that's rather sad. It's a shame that parents don't always realise how much their careless remarks can affect a young person's self esteem.

This has reminded me of my mother when I was a teenager - but we weren't called that - but anyway on Saturdays I got ready to out dancing and I had to walk through the living room to go out the back door. That walk and the inspection!
Mostly her comments on the new mini skirts and sack dresses were the last things I heard and it always made me feel plain and unattracive before I had even got outside.

My mum (who's 92) always tells everyone what a huge baby I was. (8 lb 4 ozs. - not that huge surely?). "Big boned" she calls it.

Another old favourite, after I'd had my hair done, was "it looks lovely at the back".

My ex mother in law was pretty thoughtless and even quite spiteful with the things she said. I had a chuckle when my ex husband and his second wife travelled to the UK and she met MIL for the first time. Apparently MIL said to ex's wife, "you are a lot fatter than you look in your photos."

Ex's wife told me this herself and I was not surprised. Glad it wasn't me in line for the bitchy comments anymore.

Ouch gillybob Very embarrassing for you. Is it a family habit? I can see how hurtful that sort of behaviour would have felt to you though.

Do you want to adopt her Ella46 she is driving me batty !

gillybob I like her already.

It can be horrible though LizG my grandma thinks she can get away with saying anything she likes because she is 97, but she sometimes often oversteps the mark and i have to remind her how cutting her remarks can be. At the minute she is sitting in hospital like the bloody queen commentating at the top of her voice about anyone and everyone in the ward. Visitors, nurses, patients, no-one is spared. Yesterday she announced that the lady in the bed opposite was vain as she keeps looking at herself in the mirror. I said that she was probably just smartening herself up for the visitors and grandma said at the top of her voice "WELL SHE SHOULD SAVE HERSELF THE BOTHER AS NO AMOUNT OF LIPSTICK WILL MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL".

Liz , me too !

I think too that older people feel they have the right to say what comes into their heads without giving it a moments thought. My MIL was the same and ignored the fact there were 'no go' areas. The older I get the more I am looking forward to doing the same thing

My Mum used to call it 'damning with faint praise'.I had just had my hair done and was talking to a friend about my hairdresser. The friend asked,'' Is she any good?'' !!

I was always on the 'chubby' side and when I moaned about my size, my mother would say, 'But you're very neat dear'. And that was meant to reassure me?

A few years ago after a few glasses of my sister and I embarked on a saga of "when we were little" it got more and more depressing until I said (in a drunken voice ) "no one ever told me I was a pretty little girl" my DH piped up "have you ever thought that you probably weren't and no one wanted to lie to you"

Oh Kitty! It's better to be stylish than pretty and I'm sure you are

One of my aunts told me that I looked just like my mum at that age 'but, obviously, not as pretty'

My mum and her sisters were equally forthright, and thought nothing of commenting on a little weight gain, or any sign of 'letting yourself go'! But now that they're gone, I feel that there's no one who actually tells me the truth (sadly, behind their barbed-but-well-meaning comments, there was usually a nugget of truth)!

My darling Mum (now gone bless her) used to pass the same comment every time I had my hair cut....'Looks nice from the back dear'.

Oh dear! I can remember when I was about 8 (my childhood was not the best, as mentioned here before) my mum was in hospital having one her many babies and for some reason my dad took me out and bought me a new dress (unheard of for him).
I was SO thrilled with it - pink and white with pretty heart shaped pockets. The mother of one of my friends said 'I see your dad's been to the jumble sale' . Strange that I can still remember that over 50 years on.

I was teaching attempting to teach 'communication' to'Basic Boot and Shoe Operatives' in a FE college. We were talking about budgeting and shopping in charity shops. They looked at the dress I was wearing - Mother's very dreary, mud-coloured cast-off - and asked me: 'Have you been shopping in Oxfam, miss?' Need I tell you where the dress ended up?