How have your children/grandchildr en embarrassed you?

On a bus in Aberdeen in about 1968, I'm with my little boy,and a man gets on with a bag full of footballs.
He says loudly 'Look at that man with three balls!'

When my DD was about 4 or 5 we were walking in the park and a very small person passed us. DD piped up in a loud voice [why do children who often mumble, always have loud voices when saying something embarrassing!] "Look, mummy, there's a real little gnome". I can't remember what I said in reply but I would have said something

I like this story. Little daughter asks Mum,''Where did I come from?'' Mum thinks ,''This is it '' and sits down with daughter to explain. Aterwards puzzled daughter says,'' I only asked because we have a new girl in our class and she came from Australia.''

Standing in the checkout queue, my DGS turned to me out of the blue and asked in a very loud voice "Gran, how did Daddy put the baby into Mummy's tummy?" (DD was pregnant at the time) I was very aware of the silence around me and everyone around turning to see what I would say!!

I wimped out and said I would tell him when we got home.

I took my 3 year old GD into the changing cubicle at our local pool, and we were changing, when she suddenly piped up "oh, Nanny, you have got huge bosoms - they're even bigger than Mummy's!" in a very clear voice. I tried to avoid the curious looks as we emerged! I have to add I'm not that well endowed!

Greatnan I had a similar Z moment once.

DD was about 4 I think and we had just got back from a holiday and had seen a couple of Zulu performances - genuine Zulus keeping up their tradition I believe and demonstrating the many varied and wonderful dances amongst other things.

On our return to the UK, DD and I were in a supermarket when DD nearly bounded out of the trolley seat in excitement. "Look Mummy, look Mummy; there's a Zulu!"

Either the lady DD was enthralled with didn't hear or pretended not to hear, but I was a bit lost back then on how I might respond should she have taken it any way other than a small child's excitement.

Birds and the Bees, I also answered questions when asked and used correct terminology - my DH is a professional naturalist so we often were asked about the various insects etc reproducing. My neighbour is a little straight-laced and I was talking to her over the garden fence when my 4 year old DD, who was sitting by our garden pond, shouted up the garden - come quick mummy there are two frogs copulating. My neighbour was horrified.

My DS4 asked my darling MIL if she also had a 'gina like mummy. She was mortified. We were told off for teaching him 'such' words.

Again my DGS aged 3 only the other week asked me if I had 'tentacles' I answered no only boys and men had testicles.He then asked him mummy if daddy had some -Yes - did uncle G have them - yes, this went on for about 10 minutes. He then said has my grandpa (who he calls 'my Brian' got tentacles? I said, without thinking and wanting to get to the end of the 'game' - you had better ask him. At that he ran to the open patio door where Grandpa was talking to the afore mentioned neighbour and shouted "My Brian, have you got tentacles too?" I was surprised the neighbour did not faint.

The taking toddlers into loos also had me. I was in the town with my 3 year old DGD when I was taken short. We went into the ladies, she used the loo then it was my turn. I was sitting down and took a pad out of my bag. She said in a voice only 3 year old girls possess GRANDMA MY MUMMY PUTS THOSE SORT OF NAPPIES ON MY BROTHER, it must have been 50 decibels. I too came out of the toilets furtively.

that should be f***ing.

My gn when very small was hurrying with his mum to catch a train. They made it with seconds to spare. As they climbed into a carriage with a rather severe elderly lady as the only other occupant, my gn said in his sweet pipng little voice,''There Mummy, we didn't miss the f***img train ,did we.'' Blame dad who was always late for his train every morning!

One of my favourite stories in one of the Grumpy Old Men books is the father who was asked why people have tattoos. " Because they have no class" he told his small son. This was frequently repeated in shop queues in a loud and penetrating voice.

I think I've posted this before on a different thread so I may be repeating myself. When my DD was 4, we took her to a wedding for the first time. She was a rather fussy eater and had a habit of spitting food out if she didn't like it. She was all prettied up for the wedding and I kept trying to drum it into her that if she didn't like the meal she should tell me and I would help her perhaps put the food in a napkin or something and that under no circumstances was she to make a mess. We sat down to eat and the best man said 'for what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful' and DD shouted at the top of her voice 'and don't make a mess'.

DD was having a day of pretending to be German (as you do!). As she stood with her Dad in a busy bus queue she said to him in a loud voice 'Daddy, you're a farter (vater)'.

Flickety - I know what you mean. I also answered all questions honestly and used correct terminology but when my daughters used it in the playground, some mothers complained to the school that they were using 'filthy' talk.

I never did the birds and bees talk when my children reached adolescence , I just answered questions as they were asked so DS learnt very early the mechanics of how a baby got into a mummy's tummy.

On a country walk we saw no one until we met an elderly couple as we were leaning on a fence looking at some cows and calves and DS, aged 3, was saying excitedly and very loudly 'Mummy I know how the mummy cows had the babies, the bull put his penis in her vagina........'

Oh, the horrors of the public toilets with young children! My daughter had to change a tampon in one, with her three year old watching. 'Mummy, why are you putting that bandage up your bottom?' Of course, there was a queue waiting. Thank goodness it wasn't a unisex toilet.

D1 heavily pregnant, thought she had quietly passed wind while standing in the middle of a queue of about five strangers. GD nearly three with her high pitched voice, "mum, you did a pop off."

Same GD aged 3 stopped to say hello to another little girl who was also with her grandmother. They smiled and said hello as I was putting my shopping in my car and I just turned back to see GD doing her best impersonation of Scarface Claw from her favourite Hairy McClary stories. They didn't know of course that she was pretending to be a mean cat but I heard the grandmother say, "she's a naughty girl."

In the doctors waiting room, with Ds1 aged about 13, DS2, about 2 and a bit.

(I'm sure I've posted this before) Only other person in the waiting room, a chap in his mid-twenties.

A lady comes in with a rather bouffant hairstyle.

DS2 "She's not going to sit down" followed by a pause that felt as if you could have dropped the entire Lords prayer into, should you so wish.. "with her wig on"

Collapse of DS1 and the poor young man who was also waiting.

Fortunately DS2 was right, she didn't sit down, wig or no wig, she collected her prescription and left.

A Specsavers moment!

My DH has embarrassed me at time too. We were at a reindeer and santa evening at a friend's farm. We were in the queue to see santa with three grandchildren, aged 3, 6 and 7. The two girls kept leaving the queue and running around, it was at night and we told them to stand in the queue or we would go home. They did as they were told. After a while on little girl said "What is grandpa doing with those girls grandma?" To my horror I saw that he had two unknown girls by their collars and was admonishing them saying that they had been told to stay in the queue and now we were going to get in the car. I rushed over and said what on earth was he doing. He replied, that they had been told more than once. They are NOT ours - he was mortified - I just rescued him from their irate grandmother who was about to land him one.
I explained that it was dark, late, it had been a long day (anything that came to mind) was tempted to go down the dementia path but thought that would be tempting fate. The girls have forgotten 'Silly grandpa and the other children' I won't let him forget either. The thing is our two had pink coats on and the other two were at least 2 years older than ours with different coloured coats.

My friend's little girl told her teacher that her daddy goes to London to solicit - he was a barrister

My youngest DS made his teacher laugh and us blush when he drew a picture of our house with faces in the windows. When asked who they were he replied - They are my brothers and sisters, that's my mummy and daddy and that -pointing to this round face with specs - is my other daddy Arthur. It did take a bit of explaining.

He also told the same teacher when asked what the book was about that he had chosen from the library (he had started school with a reading age of 10 so it was difficult to find a book for him that was a challenge but that he could understand) He said to her "Maybe you could borrow it after me then you could read it yourself and find out" not said rudely just matter of factly.

My twin daughters, aged 3, were stood next to me as I chose fruit and veg on an island in the co-op. 'Mummy, why has that lady got hairy legs?' asked one of them as we neared a transvestite who hadn't made much effort with his sheer tights. I shifted them quickly to the other side of the island, where he decided to go to avoid my girls. 'Hello, man!' said the other twin!

My son did ask of my violin 1785 ' did you buy it new?'
My daughter at junior school 'mummy used to be a proper doctor'

I cursed my two-year old's ABC book, when she looked at an extremely smartly dressed black man on the bus and said very loudly - 'Look, Mummy, Z for Zulu'. He saw the funny side!
I am sure that I have embarrassed my children much more often than they have embarrassed me.

Oh there are certainly a few more, having 5 children and 10 almost 11 grandchildren there are bound to be.