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How do I make Friends

(18 Posts)
olive2709 Tue 19-Nov-13 14:04:42

Had to close my business 3 months ago, For my own sake 14 years ago I had to change my world, The only people in my circle now are some family, + a great man I met 12years ago and married 10 years agoI find my self friendless. I am not sad or unhappy it is just working 60+ hours a week with the public I never noticed this happing .

Mishap Tue 19-Nov-13 14:12:34

Join in! Take up something. Go to the local U3A and get stuck into all they have to offer. Offer your services to help with something - local transport, school governors etc. Start a book group. Become a volunteer at your local theatre. I know what it is like to get submerged in a job and not leave time for socalising and making friends. It won't happen overnight, but neither will it come to you - the impetus has to come from you. Now that your business has closed, the world is your oyster.

Tegan Tue 19-Nov-13 14:27:03

It creeps up on you, olive; all of my family and friends were my ex husbands and, nice as the S.O.s friends and family are they're not 'mine'. And I'm missing the contact with people through work [just retired]. I've just joined u3a. And I've made some super pals through gransnet [check out any local meet ups]. I don't want to be dependant on my children or [lovely as he is] the S.O.

Gagagran Tue 19-Nov-13 14:57:51

We've moved house twice in the past 10 years and each time I had to start again and make new friends. I joined the WI in each location and find it a wonderful forum for meeting like-minded chums, outings, interesting talks and FUN! I also like singing so joined choirs in both areas too and again this has lead to meeting new people and getting out and about.

Someone once said to me that the world won't beat a path to your door, you have to go out and meet it halfway and that is so true. It does take a bit of time but friendships do grow and make the effort involved worthwhile.

I hope you can find something that appeals to you Olive whether it's a church, volunteering in a charity shop, U3A, WI or anything else that grabs you! Local libraries are a good source of information. Good luck and let us know how you get on. smilesunshine

NannaAnna Tue 19-Nov-13 15:27:37

Where do you live Olive2709? If it's an area where the Gransnet Local site is up and running, there may be local meet-ups organised. You can find out by checking the local forum for your GN area, or you can check this national forum under the thread 'local meet-ups'.
If there's nothing there, you could start a thread asking if anyone lives nearish to you smile
When I was a young mum we moved a lot. I used to put postcards in the local shops asking to meet other mums. I guess social media does the same job now wink

Bellasnana Tue 19-Nov-13 15:31:45

olive I wish I knew the answer to this as I also have few friends ( well, not that live close enough anyway). I have a lovely husband but we haven't got a lot of common interests, and two of our four children still live at home, so why am I so lonely? I haven't got the confidence to join anything even if I did find something to join that appealed! I think we retired too soon. Anyway, good luck - I hope things work out for you smile

janerowena Tue 19-Nov-13 16:54:24

Yes, join things, although somehow I seem to have become a bit too busy for my liking, so beware. Choir, two of them in my case, book club - some libraries run them - and even if you have no religion, a church is a wonderful way to make friends by just asking what needs to be done re things like hospital runs, and many other charitable works which are all run by very nice ladies with some time on their hands. I often think that retired ladies are the ones who should be running the country. Working at a charity shop is another one.

Natsnan Tue 19-Nov-13 17:29:43

I've recently joined my local Townswomens Guild. On my first visit everyone was so friendly and I have joined the Reading Group and the Craft Griup. There is also a Choir, drama group and we have speakers which have been really interesting. It's also light hearted a fun, a great way to make new friends.

ElliMary Tue 19-Nov-13 18:56:51

My problem is that I'm choosy about most things and about friends. I always ask myself if I really want to spend time with this could-be friend and often the answer is No. I'd rather be at home and do my own thing. Then- i feel lonely. I'd like more friends but a lot of women are not interested in the things I like.
I just don't attract the friends I'd like! I always was a loner and maybe I'll end without. I do have a nice husband at home and actually he is my friend as well. I'm just not a group person.
*olive2709`I hope you find someone soon.

Tegan Tue 19-Nov-13 19:46:28

ElliMary; are you like only child that craves solitude but then feels lonely?

Ana Tue 19-Nov-13 19:53:33

Me too, ElliMary and Tegan - it's a bit of a curse, isn't it? confused

Tegan Tue 19-Nov-13 19:55:28

I think that's why I like the internet so much; I can have the company and the solitude at the same time smile.

Ana Tue 19-Nov-13 19:56:32

Quite! wink

But it isn't always enough...

olive2709 Tue 19-Nov-13 20:07:43

Thank you all for your advice, Iam in the middle of a CIB check so the volentering side is set up, Ellimary like you Iam choosy this comes from my past, when I was taken advantage of all the time eldest of four allways put in charge. I can walk into a room and end up talking to people.I have addressed rooms of 100+ with ease frighend to join things I don't want to end up helping to run them . I know it is not going to be easy if I learn anything i will post.

Sook Tue 19-Nov-13 20:59:59

Ellimary Tegan Ana I am much the same. I'm not an only child but there is a large gap between me and my siblings. I enjoy my own company but do feel sometimes that I am lonely and missing out. I also like my freedom and don't like to be pinned down by commitments.

grannyactivist Tue 19-Nov-13 21:41:26

olive and others, I sometimes think the secret to making friends is learning how to say no tactfully, but assertively. For many of us I think the fear of being asked to do more than we want, or to do things that we don't want to do limits us. Because of several health scares I now regularly say no to people and I've found it to be really liberating. No-one thinks any less of me and I do just what I can manage or want to do and no more. My friends accept me as I am.

tanith Tue 19-Nov-13 21:57:12

I too suffer from being happy with my own company and wanting someone to share things like a walk during the day when OH (my truly bestest friend)is working . When we first moved here after a while I got to know a couple of people but quickly found them wanting me to be their 'best' friend and wanting too much of me if that makes sense . I ended up being a bit rude when one of them wanted my home phone number and kept calling me to unload her woes.. I guess I am just selfish and don't derserve nice friends.. oh well!!

Caramac Tue 19-Nov-13 22:12:55

I find that I am guilty of not maintaining friendships because work and family take up so much of my time. I too made a massive move some years ago and left behind many friends, I didn't make new ones at the school gate as the children were older and didn't need me there.I had no car and was studying for a vocational degree but the girls I studied with mostly moved away and now have young children. Most of the time its fine although sometimes I need a chat but as its usually to offload I feel guilty about only sharing problems and so don't pick up the phone or visit. Who needs a moaner?
I do think joining groups is good and you might just find a friend or two who you resonate with. I just wish I had looked after my friends more. I know its a two way street but I think I inadvertently gave the impression my life was full and exciting. Which it isn't.