Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

Galen Can you invent an invitation that you would take up if she is not coming - though assure her that you would much rather see her, of course - so you would like to know for certain that she will be there?

Or just ask right out so that you can get in the shopping. surely she will answer a straight question?

JesM is right, the "poor little me" mothers get smothered with attention ("Couldn't possibly miss seeing mother on Christmas Day - she would be devastated"). The independent ones who don't complain are assumed to be fine on their own.

So hard to be on your own for Christmas when you're not choosing it so thoughts for all those who will be. Galen, I too have a commitment phobic daughter who doesn't like to be tied to plans or decide far in advance what she's doing. Doesn't like it if I'm then busy. I agree Jess that as mothers some of us probably appear independent and coping fine. It's difficult to change the habits of a lifetime and no one wants to appear needy. Good luck with it Galen, hope you get a reply soon

That is unreasonable Galen. Luckily, my daughters like to plan too so we don't have that problem. One of my brothers, on the other hand............

Galen that is unreasonable. Sometimes us independent mothers end up doing too much of a good job. Kids end up thinking we don't have feelings at all. Meanwhile across the "poor little me" mother is getting made a fuss of.
I know your DD has a toddler and a relatively new baby, but there is absolutely nothing overly demanding or weak about saying "I'm really hoping to see you over the Christmas period darling so can we talk about this - I'd like to make a plan"

No it's not just you Gilly I can't understand it either.

Forgive me for being so blunt but I simply can't understand the selfishness of some people. Why (unless you were quite literally in the other side of the world) would you leave your mother, grandmother,sister whatever on their own at Christmas? How could you enjoy the day knowing that someone you are supposed to love is sitting alone? Perhaps it's just me?

I think DD and SIL and DGDs are coming for at least one day? But I don't know for sure and I don't know if they do when or for how long!
I don't like to nag them to decide, but honestly, I do have to plan and shop! Grrrrrrr!

withanyand Goose we're all here for you. Stick with us

Oh dear goose, have a hug from me, and some I am doing it for the first time this year, but hang on in there it will get better
I keep telling myself that and with the help of the gransnet folk we will both get through this together.

withany Goose You two have been through it ((((hugs))))
I shall not actually be alone on Christmas day but given my DH I might just as well be and I will look in.

Do come on here it's a good place there is usually someone around. GN is good if you want to offload, get advice, or just feel in need of a hug. It can get pleasantly silly as well.

I tried to offer my services to a charity a couple of years ago but they appeared to have everything sorted by September. A slight exaggeration but you get the gist. Goose transport could be a problem if you do not have a car but there are other days when they may want your help although I can appreciate why you want to be extra busy on that particular day.

Goose

Thank you for your kind words. Friends have suggested I contact the local Sally Army to see if I can help them out over the Festive Season. Has anyone else on GN helped out in this way? The only problem I foresee with the cunning plan is that I haven't a car and I think help may be required in the nearest city, which I can't get to

Oh Goose life can be really sh***y. Don't be alone .There are loads of lovely grans who will be here for you not just at Christmas. These are for you with a big hug

We grans are tough old birds - you'll be fine Goose!

Life can be an absolute b*gger sometimes, Goose - all the best to you.

GOOSE , may I send you good wishes across the miles .
VERY GOOD KARMA to you

xx

This thread is uplifting for me. I'm facing Christmas No.2 totally on my own, which after 20+ years of giving the best time I could afford to my three girls after their father deserted us. This loneliness hurts. Now my children have deserted me and will be yet again be spending the 'festive season' with their father, who can afford to give them more than I can, taking my grandchildren, who I've never met, with them. Deep down inside I try and believe I really don't deserve this, I'm not that wicked, I'm just poor.
Having someone to 'chat' to on here will help the 24th-26th December (Ho, Ho, Ho) go a little easier….

I think I would let the house and get some tenants in before he gets back! And rent one nearer to your family.

You're a strong and brave woman, withany. I love that last sentence of yours.

Hi, everyone thank you for your hugs and advice, finances sorted, legal advice taken, just got to get valuation of property then my solicitor can hit him with what I want as a financial settlement, if he doesn't agree then the judge will decide.
I have to say I thought it would be worth $10 to send the condoms, I would just love to have seen his face. But I have taken your advice and not bothered, thank you for that.
Anyway, my DGD had her 5th birthday party today and I was skyped as she cut her cake, and all her friends 7 of them were introduced to her nana. It was lovely to see the little ones having fun, it was great being included even though we are miles apart, and I didn't have to deal with eight 5 year olds charging about.
I have wasted so much time trying to get to grips with the actions of my DH, seeing my DGD did me so much good, I'm hoping to catch up with my GS's in Sweden next week, about time I pulled my socks up as it were and sorted their presents for Christmas.
Once again thank you for all of your words of wisdom and support it has helped pick me up and get me started again. He may bend me but he won't break me.

Good point Riverwalk. If he runs up a lot of debt you'll be liable for it too.
withany At least until you're divorced. Get the joint account sorted and stop the card he uses on it. Tell the bank you've "lost" your card and it will automatically stop both of them. Then get new cards and cut his into tiny pieces

On a lighter note ....

Is the cupid-playing 'Yamaha keyboard enthusiast website' for real?

The man is being a fool - that said you really need to seek proper advice.

Don't waste time playing games with wine and condoms you have more important things to do!

Although you say he's already emptied your savings account, he could run-up a huge overdraft, and credit card debt.

Change the bank accounts and the locks.