Galen Can you invent an invitation that you would take up if she is not coming - though assure her that you would much rather see her, of course - so you would like to know for certain that she will be there?
Or just ask right out so that you can get in the shopping. surely she will answer a straight question?
JesM is right, the "poor little me" mothers get smothered with attention ("Couldn't possibly miss seeing mother on Christmas Day - she would be devastated"). The independent ones who don't complain are assumed to be fine on their own.
Gransnet forums
Chat
Hi, my husband of 45 years has just cleared our savings account and jetted off to the USA
to stay for 3 months with a lady he has met on line.
Leaving me stranded on my own in a new place where I literally have no friends or family. I have no way of visiting either of our sons. One lives abroad and the other one is fighting cancer and is too far from me to drive to, so I am on my own this Christmas literally, so if you fancy sharing a chat I promise I will be bright and cheery over a mince pie 
Christmas day, New Years Day and any other day for the foreseeable future especially if it snows, here I can be cut off from the outside world for 10 days at a time but at least I can build a snowman and Skype with my grand children and show him to them.
I am trying to be brave, but a few kind words from you other grans and granddads would be much appreciated.
That is unreasonable Galen. Luckily, my daughters like to plan too so we don't have that problem. One of my brothers, on the other hand............
Galen that is unreasonable. Sometimes us independent mothers end up doing too much of a good job. Kids end up thinking we don't have feelings at all. Meanwhile across the "poor little me" mother is getting made a fuss of. 
I know your DD has a toddler and a relatively new baby, but there is absolutely nothing overly demanding or weak about saying "I'm really hoping to see you over the Christmas period darling so can we talk about this - I'd like to make a plan"
Forgive me for being so blunt but I simply can't understand the selfishness of some people. Why (unless you were quite literally in the other side of the world) would you leave your mother, grandmother,sister whatever on their own at Christmas? How could you enjoy the day knowing that someone you are supposed to love is sitting alone? Perhaps it's just me? 
withanyand Goose we're all here for you. Stick with us 
Oh dear goose, have a hug from me, and some I am doing it for the first time this year, but hang on in there it will get better
I keep telling myself that and with the help of the gransnet folk we will both get through this together. 
Goose
Thank you for your kind words. Friends have suggested I contact the local Sally Army to see if I can help them out over the Festive Season. Has anyone else on GN helped out in this way? The only problem I foresee with the cunning plan is that I haven't a car and I think help may be required in the nearest city, which I can't get to
Oh Goose life can be really sh***y. Don't be alone .There are loads of lovely grans who will be here for you not just at Christmas. These are for you with a big hug
We grans are tough old birds - you'll be fine Goose!
Life can be an absolute b*gger sometimes, Goose - all the best to you.
I think I would let the house and get some tenants in before he gets back! 
And rent one nearer to your family.
You're a strong and brave woman, withany. I love that last sentence of yours.
Hi, everyone thank you for your hugs and advice, finances sorted, legal advice taken, just got to get valuation of property then my solicitor can hit him with what I want as a financial settlement, if he doesn't agree then the judge will decide.
I have to say I thought it would be worth $10 to send the condoms, I would just love to have seen his face. But I have taken your advice and not bothered, thank you for that.
Anyway, my DGD had her 5th birthday party today and I was skyped as she cut her cake, and all her friends 7 of them were introduced to her nana. It was lovely to see the little ones having fun, it was great being included even though we are miles apart, and I didn't have to deal with eight 5 year olds charging about.
I have wasted so much time trying to get to grips with the actions of my DH, seeing my DGD did me so much good, I'm hoping to catch up with my GS's in Sweden next week, about time I pulled my socks up as it were and sorted their presents for Christmas.
Once again thank you for all of your words of wisdom and support it has helped pick me up and get me started again. He may bend me but he won't break me.
Good point Riverwalk. If he runs up a lot of debt you'll be liable for it too.
withany At least until you're divorced. Get the joint account sorted and stop the card he uses on it. Tell the bank you've "lost" your card and it will automatically stop both of them. Then get new cards and cut his into tiny pieces
On a lighter note ....
Is the cupid-playing 'Yamaha keyboard enthusiast website' for real?
Join the conversation
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »