Christmas blues.....? Am I the only one?

Thank goodness for the soothing balm of Gransnet...

Janerowena: would love to know if lightboxes really work! Keep us posted if you do buy one.
We called a halt on expensive gifts for adult family members, apart from our two daughters and elderly MIL. Instead we buy each other small token prezzies, or nothing at all - and this year we took my brother and sister-in-law homemade jams and jellies we'd been making throughout the autumn. Now we have our first grandchild I did enjoy buying gifts for her - not that she had any idea what was going on, as she's only 4 months old, but it was something that gave me pleasure, choosing books and a few nice toys for the year ahead. But yes, I'm with you: I feel VERY tense in the run-up to Christmas and New Year and though I enjoy seeing my family, I am glad when it's all over....in a way!

Invictus, I can't imagine how painful it must be for you - parting from your wife and not having seen your son for so long. I felt terrible enough after saying goodbye to our daughter when she left for Norwich after saying with us for a week, thinking how long it would be till we next see her again - hopefully Easter. I cannot begin to think how agonising it has been for you. Feel free to vent as you will on here - someone always seems to be around to offer a comforting word, however bad you are feeling. You will certainly need the support. Allow yourself to cry if that's what you feel like doing - it's totally understandable - as you say, you've been joined at the hip for so long. I think you might discover a strength to cope that you didn't realise you had - perhaps some of your distress stems from not knowing how you will cope without your wife, how you will feel and whether you can stand up and not fall without her loving support beside you. My guess is that you will surprise yourself: you'll miss her terribly, but you will cope, and when she returns you might well feel stronger as a result, knowing that you did.
Four years is a helluva time NOT seeing your child - however old they are. I really hope that you can all find a way to be together again soon. Thinking of you. X

Wow, you really have had a tough time. I do hope things improve for you.

Still hate Christmas. Still hate New Year. Love seeing my family but don't want to have to buy expensive gifts for them. Heaven knows we spend enough money bailing them out all year long anyway. Have spent the last hour or so looking at light boxes. If I buy one maybe I won't feel like such a miserable old git next year. Lord knows the St.John's Wort doesn't seem to be adequate at the moment.

Well thanks Tegan,Rowantree and everyone else for your time,consideration and most importantantly understanding. You're going to hear a lot from me especially in the next couple of weeks because tomorrow afternoon, Thursday I have to take my wife to the bus station in Cadiz,Spain where she is going to catch a coach to go to visit our son who lives some 1100km North of us. It will be the first time she will have seen him in 4 years - yes, FOUR years! Of course she is very much looking forward to it and she is also going to visit her sister who is staying with HER children in Vigo,nr Portugal. It is the first time she will have seen her sister in 6 years, since she and her husband went to Brasil to seek work. My wife will spend what is known here in Spain as 'Reyes', 'The Three Kings' or 'Three Wise Men' with my son on 6th January, next Monday - which is Epiphany. She will not return until 13th January and she goes with my blessing, and I have to remain here to look after our 2 dogs. As I said previously I miss my son terribly not having seen him now for more than 4 years and I already miss my wife and she hasn't left yet if you can understand what I mean? After 36 years of marriage and another 2 of knowing each other we are as they say 'joined at the hip' and are very much used to being together even if we do sometimes have the odd moan.We depend on each other and are there for each other as I am sure many of you will appreciate. So when I get lonely I will turn to you all for a little support if I may because as silly as it may sound even when I just think of her leaving it makes my eyes 'well-up'.Happy New Year to one and all.Invictusxxx

Tegan - I really appreciate your words. I felt a bit hurt too but I do understand how frustrating it must have been for Invictus. And you're so right: it's the best place to vent when we're feeling down. We all have the right to be listened to, to listen, and be understood and comforted, even if what we post might seem trivial or nonsensical to some. None of us really is in a place to judge how painful some things are for others. We are all different in our lives and the way we feel, but it is never pleasant being in those dark places and none of us go there deliberately - we'd do anything NOT to! So, Invictus, I'd second what Tegan has said about posting when we are in pain or feeling less than happy. Someone will be around to listen or to support, and we can all learn from each other to be less judgemental and more helpful. We might be older, but we all still have the capacity to do things differently. You CAN teach old dogs new tricks, most definitely!

Invictus; I was just feeling very protective towards Rowantree and was a hurt by what you'd said. but you have every right to come on here when you're feeling down [it's what the thread is for]; this is the best place on the planet for letting of a bit of steam sometimes. I hope the problem with your house resolves itself in some way, as something hanging over you like that must cause so much anguish. If we only came on here when we were in a jolly frame of mind an awful lot of us would hardly ever post [especially me!].

Hugs to Invictus, and all on here. xxxx

WITH best wishes to you Invictus

Of course you are ALL right in what you have said here and again I SINCERELY APOLOGISE to you ALL and thank you for listening to my rants which unfortunately seem to raise their ugly head NOT necessarily at this time of the year thankfully but when what I perceive as added problems come along? Of course those around me give me the very good advice - I know it IS good advice, to 'enjoy today, enjoy the moment because unless you CAN change the future, unless you DO have control over what IS going to happen and indeed it may NOT happen at all then it is NOT WORTH destroying your life over and those near and dear to you and possibly making yourself ill and miserable into the bargain!? So I will try my hardest - as ALL those that do dwell in these deep, dark places know - NOT to frequent them as often as I have done. Thank you one and all again and I hope in the future I will be able to contribute in a more positive vein to this and maybe other forums?

Back to the Christmas blues.
I have just got home after visiting DD2 + 3GSs in the morning and having lunch with DD1 and 3GCs. They are all coming to lunch with me on Sunday. I had a lovely time, but couldn't wait to get home and have a good cry! Silly I know, but Christmas always hightens the 'aloneness'. I have lived on my own for 15 years so should be used to it by now. Most of the time I am content fortunately.
My thoughts are with all who are anxious at this time, hope you are coping.

I have Googled "Spanish property agent fraud", Invictus and found quite a lot of links. I have not read them, but among them are people who specialise in the legal side.

Have you tried doing that to see if you can find any help?

Invictus. We had a similar experience in France whereupon reading the paperwork we realised part of the plot would legally be used to have a road running through what would have been the middle of the garden and we bailed out.

I hear your frustration and anger and sincerely sympathise with your situation but having a go at people who are on a thread relating to battling with mental health issues is out of order. You are not alone in posting on a thread and not being answered, it happens to all of us.

Invictus You have every right right to be angry with this woman, who has caused you so much in money and trouble, and not only you, it seems, and to be angry with those who seem not to be trying too hard to put things right.

But not with us on Gransnet - IT WAS NOT US THAT DID IT. I am glad that you have apologised already and made it up with Rowantree but Tegan was not attacking you, just reacting very mildly to your post that said ALL of us were selfish and asking you to please not do that.

Hit out at us because of what has happened, and you will lose our support as we keep out of the way - wouldn't you?. Direct your anger in the right direction, and we will be there behind you. Tell us how you are struggling to get redress and we will sympathise, but if your anger affects all your dealings with everyone, your whole life will be poisoned.

Have you consulted a lawyer (British) about this? You will get half-an-hour of free advice from one.

Oh dear

Sorry Tegan, I have to say that I didn't realise that I didn't have a right to be angry or that it wasn't 'normal' to feel angry after what has happened to us and what we had been going through for almost the last decade along with everything else that's been thrown at us and I'm very sorry IF I have in some way offended you or hurt you? IF you looked carefully you WOULD have seen I already apologised for verbally 'attacking' Rowantree but thanks for your support and words of comfort and I'll just try to manage on my own.

Well put Aka.

Invictus I sympathise. What a terrible situation to be in. I can tell you're very angry.
GN is like any community. There are kind people, selfish people, gentle people and harsh people. Some are well off, others struggling to make ends meet. And so on. We are all very different and that is our strength and occasionally cause for dissent.
What I do know is that the majority respond to a cry for help and support, so as Ariadne said, if you tell us more about what is hurting we will try to help and if we can't help we will listen.

invictur; please don't call people on gransnet selfish. They are far from it. This isn't a thread to be angry on, it's one to empathise with people.I do sympathise with your problems but I think your tone is very hurtful.

Thanks Ariadne and all. I'm sorry that what I put came over as 'an attack' on Rowantree, it really wasn't meant to but I'm afraid that after 9 years of living with this problem day-in-day-out and having had our retirement ruined by the greed of a few people, seeing our hard-earned savings dwindle to nothing and finding now that we have 'inherited' health problems almost certainly as a result of the constant stress it's almost impossible NOT to think about no matter how HARD you try. Of course you DON'T WANT to have it on your mind constantly but like others with similar problems it's 'the unknown', the 'not knowing' and the fact that the Spanish Govt. troll-out lie after lie to the press that they are and have taken action to 'resolve problems for people who have been taken advantage of by these Spanish Thieves, simply in-order to persuade yet MORE poor unfortunates to invest in Illegal Spanish Property which the authorities themselves lie about when they say they are a 'safe investment'.

Rowantree it was not selfish of you to post about your feelings; you needed comfort and help and affection and that is what GNetters are good at providing - we are here for one another. Please carry on posting. You know you are not alone.

Invictus I can read your despair and anger at what is happening to you; it must be dreadful. We will listen, if you let us.

Sorry, Invictus I did not see your post on this thread - it must have slipped down the list. I knew I had seen your name somewhere, so I searched and the one on another thread came up. The one on this thread did not.

You are now posting about your feelings and you wil get replies in sympathy for them. That is what the replies to other people were doing - trying to make them feel better about the way they felt depressed and negative about everything. I think you know how they feel, and what it is like.

Your first post on here (and on the other thread) were on practical questions. People did try to answer the one on the other thread, but it is rather specialised.

So is your practical problem on here. I think you need a legal opinion on whether you can get compensation for this mis-selling. Good luck.

IF you read my thread properly Harrigran I don't really see HOW you can say WE put ourselves in the situation we found ourselves because we were NOT in Spain once the initial deposit for the property was made and we left the lawyer to complete matters which is what he was paid to do and charged a high bill for. We did find out some months later that Lawyers in Spain do NOT carry-out searches on properties, local land or buildings or constructions as they do in the UK, BUT that was after we were able to do anything about it and all with hindsight.
Elegran, the problem I posted is on THIS page.
Rowantree, to you I apologise because I don't and didn't mean to minimalise what you go through. I know also what it is like to have visits from those 'demons' on a regular basis and have actually spent time as an in-patient in a hospital in the UK for 10 weeks about 11 years ago when I was suffering from extreme depression and am still on meds daily so ALL these problems are pushing me in a downward spiral.
At the moment I am having episodes where I continually feel lonely and alone, think of death and dying, what it will be like if I am left alone without my wife, what it will be like for her if I die first, how will she cope, all these things are going through my mind at certain times of the day and night and if when I wake-up these are the things I start to think of.

I can only say that I am really sorry to have upset and angered you, Invictus. I can totally understand why you feel as you do. In my own defence, though, I want to add that my issues are far from 'imaginary' as you say.... I just needed to share my feelings, feel less alone and not feel judged, that is all. Maybe in hindsight it was a mistake and rather selfish of me to post in that way and I will think twice about doing so in future as the last thing I want is to drag anyone down.

I did read your post, and wanted to return to it when I could give it the attention as it deserves, rather than skimming through it and giving a brief reply.

Apologies to all.

Why is it selfish invictus?