People who drop out at the last minute

I would like to think people wouldn't just drop people for a better offer. I do know lots of people suffer from social anxiety and I suppose the more we get out of doing things, the more that anxiety can raise it's ugly head. Although I suffer a bit from this myself, I do try and give good notice if I feel I cannot make an event (I've got a lot better though )

I would just tell her 'here's what the rest of us have decided, in your absence.' It's bad manners unless there's a very good reason

I do understand that, but don't understand why anxious people accept in the first place. I wouldn't accept an invitation to go potholing, as I know I don't want to do it and would hyperventilate at the thought of going underground. If someone knows they won't want to go to a party, why say they will come?

The lunch thing is really something of a 'last straw'. The friend involved doesn't do it often, but I am annoyed because it happens with others to the point where I almost expect it now.

Grandmabatty

I would just tell her 'here's what the rest of us have decided, in your absence.' It's bad manners unless there's a very good reason

Yes, I'd be happy with that, but I think I'd be overruled.

I suppose people react in the moment. What might feel okay at the time, they might build up to something more terrifying than it actually is.

I think life events, health scares, care responsibilities - even the weather-might add to anxieties that may only surface that day.

I'm not excusing it at all, just thinking of actual reasons.

I wouldn't agree to anything like potholing but I wouldn't leave someone sitting alone in a cafe or on a clifftop either.

I've noticed my Mum gets more worried about driving to places these days. I on't know why as she has always been such a competent driver, driving all across Europe without a second thought. I suppose that is confidence. I hope your lunch goes okay doodledog. I would love to come

I absolutely agree with you Doodledog. Barring emergencies I would never cancel at short notice. Yesterday I had agreed to meet a friend for lunch. The day before we were told that our road would be closed at both ends. My family urged me to postpone my lunch meeting but I said I would get there somehow. Well I had to negotiate heavy lorries moving backwards and forwards ,drive over channels in the road and tarmac only to be told at one end I could only exit at the other! This meant a huge detour to meet my friend but I did it and was satisfied. No doubt my friend would have been happy to postpone as there were only two of us involved but I would have hated letting her down the evening before.

If the arrangement today was for you all to plan a future event then just go ahead without the absentee and if the plans aren’t too her liking then tough.

I dont have it happen.
Good reasons are ok.
Bad ones are not.

I would say in future, to the people who are the problem ones, "are you really going to turn up, or not"? "I have to get food in". Or whatever.

If they keep reoffending, then I would then drop them, if they hadnt mended their ways.

I think another reason why this sort of thing nowadays seems much more common is the use of mobile phones and the internet.

Years ago, if you had agreed to do something and then couldn’t (for whatever reason) it was much more difficult to ‘let others know’. Many people didn’t have a home telephone, and it probably meant writing a letter!

Now just a quick text or whats app, if you’re lucky.

Plus I honestly think many just don’t care about letting others down.

No sense of duty or obligation.

Very easy to use ‘issues’ as an excuse, (not talking about genuine illness on the day).

Don't arrange lunch next time either arrange to go out somewhere or if you want have quiet to make arrangements, either morning coffee or tea & cake early afternoon, that way you not catering for no shows.

Digressing slightly, I am always horrified by the no shows at the GP surgery. We had 104 in April. Scandalous when it is difficult to get an appointment in the first place.

In defence of some people who drop out some of us have illnesses that vary from day to day meaning one day you are fine to go out and the next you can hardly get out of bed. Cancelling for me is sometimes a necessity as I just can't make it. I always tell the host when the invitation is made and they say it is OK. I often have to bring my own food. But, yes, there are flakey people around who just can't be bothered and I think it is worse among the younger generation.