How could a Mother do this

Nellie you have hit the nail on the head in regards to my mother and daughter, they are both Drama Queens, crying at will to make you feel guilty or going to great lengths to be ill, I made my mother very ill just by asking her if she was having an affair. She had a wonderful mother, my nana who when she was alive was very upset by her daughters behaviour

newist big hug. And as others have said, well done for not only surviving it all, but for being able to see it for what it is. I am so sorry for you that you married an alcoholic when you were so young.

Many families have skeletons that rattle. I never speak of my "father" on here (and will always put that in inverted commas) other than to mention him on occasion on here as being feckless. We were lucky that he didn't do more damage because he left when the three of us were very young. As I got older, I recognised that he never really cared about anyone other than himself and his string of conquests. I wasn't even sad when he died, if anything, I regretted having tried to get to know him better at one time.

I recently read a book, I wish I could remember which one it was I read so many, where the author's father (in that instance) also reinvented himself and made a new life as if his first family had never existed. But you're right, how could your mother do that.

In some ways it's over now with your mother dead. Close that chapter. I hope you find peace .

Ana and Katyk I am so sorry that your childhoods were so sad.
(((hugs)) to all of you

What a brave post and what sad childhoods so many people have. It says so much that you have all turned out to be much better mothers yourselves

It sounds like a classic Philip Larkin situation.

Newist Good for you to be able to reveal this.

Given how you have described your childhood I get the impression you were brought up in a situation where you were expected to go along with believing your families lies and keeping secrets. That is a dreadful burden to lumber children with.

It is important to remember that all mothers are not wonderful. It seems that being prepared to acknowledge that, you might at least not feel guilty about how you feel about her now.

The world will not fall apart because you have told the truth about her.

Goodness know what your mother's up bringing was like probably also very difficult for her to find parenting so difficult.
I am not defending her but we are at the mercy of a lot of what we have experienced.

Do you recognise any similarities in personality between your difficult daughter and your mother?

Keep strong its a lot of stuff to deal with at once. (((hugs)))

Yes indeed, Katy...

Me too Ana. I am sure you have made a success of yours, as have I under the circumstances. People say to me now, you have a nice life don't you. Yes I do on the outside and I am grateful. It's just the inner you that struggles isn't it?

Same here, KatyK, but in my case it was my stepmother and my father. My stepmother was the actual abuser, but my father turned a blind eye and was unapproachable, for which I can never forgive him.

Such childhood experiences do leave their mark, and I am full of admiration for those who can rise above them and make a success of their lives.

I too had a terrible childhood, physical and mental 'abuse' they would call it now. I consider that my parents ruined my life. I have made the best of what I have been left with because of them. I married, had my DD and now a lovely DGD but the physical and psychological scars have left me feeling that I am on the outside looking in as it were. I never feel good enough, have a fear of losing everything and everyone I care about. Eliza's words are wise, although not easy to put into practice.

Dear newist--I hope letting it all out has helped you to move on because you must set yourself freeee of this horrid turmoil

I too had a bit of a difficult childhood--not all bad but bad times.

Your Mum ruined your childhood, why allow her to ruin anymore of your life.

Let it all go now

Best Wishes

No enough is enough. The thing is, what has hurt the most is My dad adored my 3 girls, She has denied his existance, for that I will never forgive her

(((hugs))) newist very brave

I despair of some of these daughters. You have done nothing wrong newist.

I might be tempted to hand over the birth certificate and let them get on with it. If that would mean you can see granddaughter.

Yet again when the chips are down, you are all there. I am still crying but believe me I am better for it. Thank you all

JessM no there's nothing to hide, she wanted it quickly to take to HIS funeral to wave it about to show every one, they had both been married before. My first Great grand child was born 27th December, I am not supposed to know. This all came out when My other 2 daughters went to HIS funeral,and found out that their sister had been cut out of their will because of greed, she wanted £30000 to buy a new car, and more beside.

Newist the woman you describe was anything but a Mother. By the sound of your greedy daughter, whom you know better than anyone, I can't help but wonder if possibly her daughter/son would decide for themselves whether or not you can see your GGD. For your sake, I hope so.

I also hope you find a contented relationship with you other daughters.

I would not describe your family as odd. Some families, due to genetics and incoming new members get along well. Some families also due to genetics and new members, don't.

jingle you are totally right in what you say. I think we tend to post about our children because it is GN after all. There must be an awful lot of people, some may be getting on a bit, who, because of their parents. have suffered great pain. I was brought up to respect my parents. "honour thy father and thy mother" I always had problems with that one, and I still haven't worked out why someone older than me is supposed to better than me

newist those of us with 'difficult' childhoods are not such a rarity - things really were very different in times gone by. What is particularly sad about your post is that the problems you had with your mother continued into adulthood and are still casting shadows. It was very brave to post about this and I hope it is a positive experience for you.

newist what a horrid childhood. Well done for surviving it.
Bit confused about the marriage certificate bit. Were you trying to hide something from your daughter? But your daughter can get a copy from the national records office can't she?
It is sad how "the sins of the parents" can cause problems down the generations.

newist I will never understand some mothers I am sorry that you cannot see your dgd, but time may change that.

newist I am sure it took courage to post - I only hope that it helps you in some way to come to terms with your childhood. My own childhood was far from ideal - although nowhere near as bad as yours - and I know how difficult it is to admit this to others

It certainly was a brave thing to do newist do hope also that it helped

No, but.....

You are V brave to post that Newist.

jingle I would be very surprised if there is such a thing as a perfect family, mine certainly isnt...

new your past has made you the lovely person you are {{{hug}}} I hope it has helped putting it all down. I am sorry you have no contact with your DGD.