How could a Mother do this

Brenda - thanks for helping others see that "the best revenge is living well" (book title, a book for survivors of abuse).
It takes real courage to move forward, and sometimes feet get stuck in treacle, but there is a better life if we walk towards it.

Brenda I still remember certain children I nursed whose injuries were caused at the hands of their Mother, the very person who was supposed to protect and love them. For you to be one of these children, my heart goes out to you.

Same here Ana and KatyK one of my earliest memories is having plaster cut off both legs when I was three, my mother had broken them. I suffered physical, verbal and emotional abuse and was terrified of my mother. My main fault was being born female and was made to feel lower than the low. It is some comfort, in a strange way to find out that there are others who were in the same situation.
It is also true that you can't allow any abuser to affect you in later life because then they continue to win and we are worth much more than that.

Luckily I had a wonderful childhood, but, unfortunately, a less than happy old age, due to my DIL bullying me, even though we live miles apart. She sent me a very distressing email accusing me of all sorts of terrible things, including the near breakup of her marriage to my Son. I don't know when I will see my Grandchildren again, which is tearing me apart and affecting my health. Friends I have shown this email to can't believe what has been thrown at me. On top of that I am trying to cope with my Daughters chemo. and, sadly I cannot be with her. I admire you for posting what you did and hope you feel better for it x I write letters to my OH who sadly passed in 2010, but it helps me
tc x

In other words, I think it's better to err on the side of being guarded rather than letting it all hang out.

Because this forum is open to the whole world, and some people might not understand the full impact that might happen with difficult or painful disclosures.

gillybob I am so glad it doesn't hurt, and like you say third time lucky.
Kiora I think when you get older, its a bit easier to put thinks in perspective.
ffinnochio you could well be right in saying its not wise to discuss private and personnel things on GN not every one would want to, but for me it helped

Why not?

newist I very pleased you've found, in GN, a good place to be in order to express your difficult past, and that you've received such lovely support.

However, I feel I must say that anyone who has experienced dreadful times in their past needs to stop and consider the impact it may have on themselves and others if they decide to do so, having read your comment..... I can strongly recommend if anyone has long term pain from their past, to write it down, here is a good place to do that .

I would strongly suggest this is not always a suitable place to discuss all private and painful issues.

Newist. I'm glad you feel better for writing it down and sharing it with us. The keeping emotions packed away in boxes is a method i'v used and advised others to use. But your right sometimes the boxes just burst open and it's difficult and painful to repack them. I think you have great fortitude. I was interested in the Idea that some of these traits are inherited. My own daughter, her aunt ( my s.i.l) and my m.i.l lives are almost a carbon copy of each other's. In short a mess. They've made the same mistakes over and over. They are the most likeable people but terrible mothers. They make the most awful decisions. I just cannot understand how their brains work. I think my poor husband had an inkling from very early on. I thought he was crazy but his fears all came to fruition. I suppose this could be the start of a discussion on the nature nurture debate! Best wishes to you newist. One last thing Newist is it easier to cope as you get older?

I do not find it painful for me at all newist It was a long time ago and I did the right thing getting out of the marriage when I did. He was a serial adulterer throughout every one of his (crikey knows how many) marriages and even his latest wife (his widow) said that she was under no illusions that he would not have eventually left her and their small daughter. At his death he had quite an important job (I dare not say where on a public forum) but wore his uniform with pride. His superior stood up and read out a eulogy describing him as a great man, a wonderful father (what??) . My son did not figure in any of this at all and was quite literally knocked off the top of the list as long forgotten.

I am very happily married too newist third time lucky for us two maybe.

gillybob like your self I have been married 3 times, now very happily, What you have just said is very painful, to find out that you and especially your son was not recognised by his father. for you

There seems to be an awful lot of these "tragic upbringing" stories in print at the moment doesn't there? I wonder if much of the reasons they start off is as newist says it really does help to write it all down?

What a terrible childhood you had newist (and like many others have said) how brave of you to share it with us.

Not meaning to make light of what your mother did (when she remarried) but my (late) ex-(first) husband (there have been three altogether) had a nasty habit of knocking the oldest children and wives off the long list each time he remarried. At his funeral there were members of his newist family who still new nothing of either me or my son (the first) or indeed his second family either.

Once again, I thank each and every one of you for saying such kind things, on this thread. I can strongly recommend if anyone has long term pain from their past, to write it down, here is a good place to do that. I have always tried to keep things in different boxes in my head, mostly it works quite well, sometimes the boxes get mixed up so I have to tidy up again. This may sound a bit daft, for the want of a better word, but it works for me.
Thank You all x

Newist Such a brave post and I bet you feel better for putting it down in words it will empower you to get on with the rest of your life hopefully without this being at the back of your mind all the time ((hugs)) to you & such a brave lady.Now look forward and enjoy.

Newist, what a sad story. My heart goes out to you. I bet you hovered over the keyboard trying to pluck up the courage to post your story. Of course there will be bits that you have been unable to write.
I am feeling your pain today as I also lived through an abusive childhood and find it difficult to share it with anyone. I have always felt, if I revealed anything, nobody would believe me. Your story is much sadder than mine as it wasn't my mother who was my abuser but my stepmother.
Be brave, hold your head high and congratulate yourself for being a courageous SURVIVER.

newist
I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest.

Newist and everyone else suffering in this way

Here, here.

newist I admire your strength and your courage, for posting this, for responding, as you usually do, with honesty and compassion, and for rising above all these awful happenings. You deserve better.

You are all so kind. Nfk When my daughter was 15 she wanted her then older boyfriend to stay overnight so they could have sex, I said No, two weeks after her 16th birthday she packed her bags without turning a hair and left. I went to the police they would do nothing, she came back all lovey dovey 3 years later "I'm getting married" I paid for most of the wedding, then off she went again, its been like that for 34years off and on. Now I have decided no more.

Newist

I wonder, your daughter having inherited the 'Histrionics' gene, if you gave her a photocopy of the certificate she could have her way, cause a bit of angst and maybe feel better, she would make up with you and you would get to see your new DGD. BUT - would it last? How much would the way she brings her child up upset you? Would you be able to keep the peace, sit on the fence? It's nice to think you'd be there for the little girl as she grows - I know how difficult it is to live with a hysterical, manipulative mother - but what would it do to you - and your relationship with the rest of your family.
I don't know how far away your DD lives but maintaining bit of mental distance might be a good thing.

I think, no, know, that you are a wonderful, caring person newist I am proud to be your friend xx

Newist, I can only echo what others have said about what a tough time you had, and hope that posting and talking about it will help.
I was struck by the similarities between your mother, and your daughter. It sounds as though you are more like your maternal nana. Most families have 'difficult' personalities in them, but I do feel for you with the similarities between your mum and your daughter.
Grannyknot's advice is good - let them be, manipulative people are so difficult to have meaningful relationships with. A bit of emotional distance from them, for you, is something to consider.

So let them be ill. That's just manipulative, plain and simple.