DD (age 30) is moving back in with me temporarily . . Do I do her washing?

No No No! to any ironing . Do suggest tell her you want her to do her share of cooking, shopping, and cleaning during the week.

I had DD live with me for about three months and I did not do her washing or ironing and only cooked the odd meal for her.

I had to do the reverse last year as when I came out of the Freeman Hospital in April, they would not let me go home to live on my own, so I went to live with my son, his partner and two grandchildren age 6 and 11, for two months+.
The house was not big enough. I felt like I was camping out in the spare bedroom, or taking over the living room. They all seem to have superhuman hearing (I know I'm deaf) so I could not hear the TV or they were deafened.
Clothes washing was no problem. I just put mine in the clothes bin on the landing and it got washed with theirs whenever.
What I could not cope with was the cat, which insisted on presenting me with dead birds or even worse, slightly alive mice. Every time it came through the catflap I was on edge, waiting to see what came in with it.
If I was in the house on my own I would lock the catflap and sit in the dining room, so the cat would have to come to the French doors and then I could see if she was bringing any wildlife in. If there was nothing in her mouth, I would open the door. My son did not like that, but it stopped my blood pressure going up every day.

My youngest son moved back in a couple of years ago due to a relationship breakup. He is very independent - does his own washing, ironing (work shirts) pays his way but still often buys his own food (he enjoys cooking) He will often say that he will get himself something to eat but if he joins us he is always appreciative. I don't really know he is here but as an adult and one who has had his own home, I and he feel the need to let him live his life. The only thing I do ask is that if he is staying out for the night to let us know as we would him.

An admission: I bought him some really nice Puma pumps for Christmas, the first time he put them on I told him not to go out in the rain with them. He gave me one of his 'looks' and my daughter, who was visiting, just said 'muuummm - he is 29 and they are his shoes' oops.

Thanks everyone for your responses.
I have read them all twice
Aka you're making me smile with your
No

I've been jocularly saying to friends -
DD and I lived together for 18 years without killing one another, how hard can another 6 months be!
But, of course, that is superficial.
The relationship is different now.
We are still mother / daughter of course, but she is no longer a child.

I'm confident we'll work it out, but I feel I have to take the lead, and I'm not sure quite what would be best.

crossed posts phoenix

As you live alone I would think it makes economical sense to fill the machine between you. Let's face it 'doing her washing' doesn't mean the same these days. If she puts dirty stuff in laundry basket or wherever then adding it to yours is no buggy.
I would not however do her ironing. I would expect her to do her share of cleaning and cooking depending on the hours she worked.

Think about being sort of economical and environmentally friendly, yet not actually becoming a laundry service.

For example, if you are doing a wash of light coloured stuff, ask her if she has anything suitable to add. Only doing your washing, then your DD doing hers separately could bump up the bills.

Adopting this approach from day one, might actually lead to all washing (that is yours and hers) being done mixed together by whoever happens to be around.

No

Beryl it depends entirely on how much time and energy you have.

I had a 30 year old nephew living with us for six months, he was recuperating from a back op, my husband and I both work full time. In the beginning when he was very much still recovering, I did everything. However, once he was up and about and active again, I realised there was something wrong with the picture and he wasn't working out what it was! So I stopped 'doing' for him, and told him he had a slot in the weekly cooking rota. He took it well and fell in with the chores. But - if I hadn't spoken up and changed things, I'd have still been the one knackered at night and feeling resentful.

However, what roses describes also makes perfect sense to me. It depends on the circumstances.

Surely whoever fills the washer turns it on and empties it after. I live with my daughter and we have no rules, we just get on with it. Same with the shopping, it usually works out fairly. Mind you I feel I do most of the housework, maybe the young are not bothered by dust.

Enjoy your time together and chill.

One of my daughters moved in our home, with her two year old daughter, and she was with us for about four months. We are far too similar for this to work brilliantly but it could have been a lot worse.

I did not do her washing, did cook most meals but she did one meal a week. We had a VW campervan so she used this as a lounge if she had visitors and she did some cleaning to pay her way.

I was quite glad when she sorted things out though

Yes, my adult daughter moved in with us for a while for financial reasons, about 7 months in the end. Yes, I did do her washing and her ironing [though she didn't need much ironing done.] I also cooked to include her in meals. She is our daughter and we love her, plus she does a very tiring busy job and I am retired.I was happy to help her in this way, not as a pushy Mother wanting control, but simply to help.She appreciated it, and it wasn't for all that long. She helped towards the food /electricity/phone bill.How you feel about this BerylBee for your daughter, may not be the same.

Yes and please don't do her washing... my son moved back in briefly and I tried very hard to treat him as my lodger as I didn't want to encourage him to stay over long so I didn't wash or iron for him, I did cook him the occasional meal but other than that he took care of himself.. Obviously your daughter won't be staying on a semi-permanent basis so a bit different in your case... but I would only do what you want to do, if you don't want to do anything then don't, she isn't a child any more so just do what you are happy to do and no more.