Silly really...

Should have been "polygonatum"

I remember hearing Terry Wogan saying "To the woods men, and mind you tights" ! I don't know why, but it made me giggle!

I was once asked, by a rather pompous acquaintance of DH, to identify a shrub that he thought might benefit from being moved. I told him it was Viburnum rhytidophyllum which is pronounced 'write it offalum' He thought I was taking the p**s and said as much to DH so I took great delight in telling him the common name for it was, Dead Man's Tongue!

Deedaa in our house it was Efalumps.
After my younger DD at aged three when watching the TV they showed a shot of the outside of Parliament said " they are not Budgies they are Pigeons" guess what the budget is called.

Heffalumps - as in Winnie the Pooh.

Too many to mention, we have always played with words, people must think we are crackers. This morning for example 'There's an elephant of truth in that' and 'There's a fearful giraffe coming down the stairs'. Sybil's 'BasIL!' also crops up from time to time and DBH becomes Timothy whenever he does something his mother disapproves of. He is Timothy quite a lot. My handwriting is dreadful and this leads to many foods now having new names, spinach is now called sprelch, Courgettes became Lorgnettes.

Phoenix If your name is Marion (like a relation of mine) you have even more trouble with marianum superbum

Monogamy = monotony (not really, but it raises a laugh)

I tend to say, read the "destructions" instead of the instructions. Its often the same result. It must sound daft if people think I have just got the wrong word.

Seeing mention of 'Timothy' [the Ronnie Corbett character from Sorry!] reminded me that we do say 'Language Timothy!' from time to time. Terry Wogan was so funny on radio 2 but Ken Bruce is pretty good as well [and sounds like Terry Wogan.]Most families have their own little 'in' jokes, you just have to remember not to do too much of it with relative newcomers to the family, as nothing makes you feel like an outsider more than everyone laughing away, and them giving a tight little smile.I remember a family thing being to pronounce that things are in a state of 'choss'[chaos]and a friend saying quietly, 'do you mean kay-os?' Well, duh!

When my son was young he once got his words muddled up and then said
"Oh, I got my murds wuddled up".
We all say it now whenever the words don't come out quite right...

DH asked for 'stiffy tocky' pudding some years ago - still used by the family, and if we forget we're not at home it can cause fair embarrassment in restaurants!

My husband once overheard a lady refer to aromatic duck as automatic duck. Ever since then this is what he's called it, even when ordering in restaurants.

Sister informed DH this morning that neighbour had passed her exam with extinction, a little worrying as the neighbour is a nurse.

When I see Waldorf Salad on a menu I have to ask if it is made with "real Waldorfs". I had to explain to a shop assistant that it was a joke as she was off to ask the manager.

We too talk about a 'squeeze of lemming, Phoenix , and dont touch the wires or you will be electroplated. Gravy is always called 'Gravy Sal' after my late aunt was complemented on hers as in 'nice gravy, Sal'. oh and if someone says something crass and stupid they are told to stop being such a palestine (philistine). I do worry what others may think if they overhear it. Oh, and if offered seconds, the standard answer is to say loudly ' dont mind if I do' in a loud and greedy voice!

MiL was a great one for spoonerisms. And the (now defunct) secondary modern schools we re always "second modernaries"
Laburnums are labernee-erniums (DH) and my nephew always called vinegar "viggernabuggar.
My niece (age 3) embarrassed said nephew at sunday school by singing The esso sign means happy motoring instead of the hymn.
Penguins are "pengits" (DD1).
And I always sing the appropriate advert ....

Oh yes, nellie, my DH always reads the destructions ( or gets me to)

I think SiL thinks we are all bonkers.

When we're going out and it looks like rain we take our Under-Bellas...

When we're going out and it looks like rain we take our Under-Bellas...

Whoops, sorry for double post!

My Mum always reckoned an octopus had eight testicles!! She thought it was hilarious when we told her she was using the wrong word, but my poor dad was so embarrassed!

Stanley Unwin would be proud of some of these! Anyone remember him?

I "don't mind if I do" was Colonel Chinstrap's invariable response to what he heard as an invitation to have a drink, in ITMA... Unwin - yes - talking about 'Humphry Littlebold with his woodwiilly of simbrant tone, causing a deep thraucus of the earloads - indeed a great joy. Oh folly!" I have an LP somewhere, called 'Rotatey Diskers with Unwin'...

Hylda Baker used to talk about someone who had been into hoispital for 'a hysterical rectumy' - Les Dawson used that too, in one of the Cissie and Ada dualogues.

Yes, I remember him!

When we were househunting nearly 30 years ago we looked at an absolutely immaculate house, admiring everything as we went round. The householder just kept saying "if it's not right, then my name's not Andy Murray". He was a lovely man , but we were in hysterics and couldn't get out fast enough. Now we often say that if we're satisfied with a task we've done. People think we mean the tennis player, but it was way before he was born!