Who's there for *you*...

My DH puts up with a lot from me. He deserves a medal. I'd have murdered me years ago.

But we've come through a lot over the years - traumas, illness, family deaths, DD's ill health/amputation/suicide attempts/assault etc. He supports me as best he can; I wish I was better at supporting him when he needs it, though I do try.

DDs are loving and supportive but they have their own life struggles so we don't rely on them or want to worry them.
Nellie, Icyalittle - glad you can offload on here. It's good to have somewhere to vent and know that you won't be judged. It must have been painful for you to lose such a close friend, Nellie. I lost one a few years ago - she decided she didn't want my friendship any more. That was hard when we'd always been so close and even worked together for a few years. Maybe it was too close. I'm more guarded these days. X

Nellie, your DH also sounds like my ex. His second missus did me a favour. If I dared to say I was tired, he had to be much more tired; when I was having a week's rest in hospital, after a threatened miscarriage, he got rather restless wondering when he could get me out. And when I pulled a calf muscle very painfully, I was a 'stupid woman'.

Nelliemoser, your DH sounds just like mine!

I'm with all those who rely mainly on themselves, although my DD is brilliant in a crisis but has enough problems of her own.

No one i just get on with it...

No one much! My very good friend emigrated at the end of 2012. I do not feel there is anyone much to talk to in person as I did her.

"You lot" are good though!

DH will drive me about when needed but as far as any emotional support goes he is no use at all. When I had overnight surgery last year he walked in at visiting time telling me how much trouble he had parking. Not a "how are you" in sight and thus it has always been! His alternative is "I feel a bit like that as well"

DD will listen but off loading my concerns about DHs uselessness on her doesn't seem right, that's my problem I know! She lives two hours away, works shifts and has a toddler to care for.
DS lives the wrong side of London. If it was a crisis he would come up though.

I think if I needed a lift and DH was not about to help there are a couple of people I could call on. I am not good at asking and being dependent.

Like mollie I find it really difficult to ask for help or to share trouble, I have always thought it was up to me. But when something horrible happened to me 15 months ago my DH was there for me every inch of the way, and I had great practical help from DS and emotional support from DD. I couldn't talk to any of my friends, but might have managed it here. Chokes me up even now. For anyone who is in trouble, try to share here if you haven't anyone, or can't talk for real

Same here ffinnochio. When I was in trouble health-wise a few years ago my children wrested control and instructed me to rely on them. They were marvellous and did so much to help me, emotionally, physically and in practical ways and I know they're there if I need them, and vice versa, but my default position is my own inner resources.

My instant reaction to reading this OP was - " me". I have many good friends, but my go to position is to sort it out in some measure for myself. Only then can I open up and move forward with friends support.

I don't know

That has made me think Aka it ought to be DH but ..... No I think now I would probably turn to you all (and have done).

DH, DD1, DS, DD2 in that order. My younger brother is also a rock in times of crisis. I'm very lucky.

When my husband became very ill and eventually died and soon after when I needed to move, my family were wonderful, but they lived at a distance. Then it seemed as if people came out of the woodwork to help, neighbours I hardly knew became real friends and work colleagues were amazing. It's the one lovely and uplifting thing that came out of the most traumatic time of my life.

DH, mostly, and DD. but, thinking about it, I don't find it easy.

My mum and dad were always there for me,since their deaths I have 3 really good friends who are always there for me and I for them,Daughter" talks the talk" but doesn't always "walk the walk".

You lot!
Hard luck!
Seriously, you are all wonderful in a crisis?

My "old soul" daughter, and a clutch of close friends, and my husband and son too.

25 yrs!! Not 5.

Having had many health and family problems over the years I've been in that place and I am blessed with a brilliant husband, in-laws, very kind friends and caring children. I also have a wonderful GP.
I once was bedridden at home for eight weeks and really poorly; it was a very humbling experience as I watched my friends and family and my GP in action caring for me and keeping the household running; the children were still at home and quite anxious, but did their bit to visit me and lift my spirits. Since then I've had other occasions when friends and family have stepped up to help when I'm on 'overload' and I appreciate every one of them.
I feel privileged when I can be the one that others turn to and have learned over the years to allow others to be there for me. I am always saddened to hear that people are isolated or feel they have no-one to turn to. Thank goodness Gransnet is here to partly fill that breach.

Depends on the problem really. My dd and ds are always there, and I have a circle of close friends who have seen me through all my traumas for the last 5 years.
It goes both ways, and I'm always 'there' for them too.

My DH and DD but there's sometimes things that need to be discussed with someone other than family. I should be able to say my close friend but she has various problems herself health and otherwise. So I don't like to burden her. Having said that she told me off for not telling her until months after I was diagnosed diabetic.

My youngest daughter, my best friend and my darling husband.

I'd say no-one automatically (apart from OH of course) but I'm not sure that's true ... I find it hard to ask for help or even to admit to problems so I'm probably my own worst enemy but I expect one or two would surprise me and step forward if they knew help was needed.

It's a very scary thought Aka

Nobody now. A year ago I would have said my oldest brother, but he died of cancer last January. He was almost 10 years older than me and was a huge influence on me when we were growing up.

Gransnet!