Single mother by choice - is it ethical?

Maybe if there is a very strong extended family....?

I never knew a father. We lived with my granny who looked after me when my mother was working. I did n't feel any need of a father. I was fine, as only children can be.

I suspect there is an element of selfishness in having children whether or not there is a father around. I see nothing wrong in a woman deciding to have a child on her own.

None of us can foresee the future, there are many single parents who didn't set out to be so, your own mother included Jess. There are also those who began to raise their child alone but then met someone who would become their life partner.

That post is confusing. I meant the "only" as in children only. Iyswim!

As Jingl says, also if she has enough money to not have to worry about being at home with her child. If she doesn't expect the State to pay then I think it is ethical, and she will love the child and the child will be very wanted.Which is more than a lot of children in this world are.

I heard on the radio today that a woman has won her bid to save her deceased husband's frozen sperm from being destroyed - she said that two years wasn't long enough to decide whether to use it or not.

I'm not sure whether I think being a single parent in that situation would be ethical or not - I do think it would be hard for the child to come to terms with, though.

I don't think we can generalise. There are some brilliant single parent families and some cr*p traditional two-parent families. And vice versa. That a child is loved by someone has to be the most important thing.

Single parent families seem to get blamed for a lot of the problems in society, but there must have been a lot of single parent families after the last war due to widowhood who managed somehow on very little money to bring up children who turned into responsible adults.

There are some amazing one parent families out there- that is so true and for all sorts of reasons. It can be done, and done well- but I do not agree with that choice made from the start.

I wonder how the fathers feel, whether they would like to be more of a part of their child's life or are quite happy to opt out?

Fathers are normally sperm bank donors.

having brought up my son on my own (he is now middleaged ) I feel there is a differance between choosing to be a single parent (IVF or artificial insemination) and being unfortunately pushed into the situation.
there is also the issue of when the child reaches adulthood and wants to know his or her origins - how will that pan out when his father is an anonymous donor.
my son is very well-adjusted and I always worked full-time in a fairly well-paid career to provide for us when he was growing up (which is important) but he did miss out on siblings, father/son things and now of course he is being overly concerned about looking after my welfare because I am on my own.

I heard of a young woman , who announced her partner , who she divorced later, was merely a sperm doner.
I am afraid I found that quite appalling , how must he have felt . he was a decent lad !
[shocked]

I know someone who refers to her child's father as ^ the sperm donor ^, I think if she had been younger she may not have had the child but she was over 40 and not in a stable relationship but saw it as her last chance at motherhood. She was an adequate mother but not a good example of a single parent.

Reading some of the above posts re sperm donors, I am beginning to think it is a very selfish thing to decide to do. They are putting their own wants and desires before those of their child. They may do an excellent job of bringing up a child but surely the child will have a desire and in fact a right to know who his/her father is?

I have never known my biological father though I did have a stepfather who was very distant. My mum never told anyone who he was and I have never been able to find anything out. I still feel like a piece of the jigsaw is missing. I want to tell my own children about him. I want to know if I am like him but sadly I never will. I urge all single mums to at least keep some details or photos for their children but of course with a sperm donor that is not possible. My mum really loved me and looked after me but all parents owe their child a sense of identity.

I know what you mean seasider I only have one or two fleeting memories of my father. I also know that if I had not had my nana around, as a second parent, it would have been a very different childhood. Nana acted as a balancing element.

Single fathers have a rough time too. In my street there is one, working full time and trying to bring up three young boys. The fire engine was called the other week when one of them accidentally set fire to the living room curtains while he was cooking their tea.

Father was cooking tea, I meant.

I'm intrigued by the expression "an element of selfishness in having children", baubles. I'm not sure I understand. The urge to reproduce is present in all life forms, consciously or unconsciously, is it not?

DD has a friend (X) whose partner is also female. X asked a male friend to donate sperm and had a baby which the two women are bringing up. X then asked same male friend for another donation. He said no. I don't know the whole story but it sounds as if unexpected emotional issues made their presence felt for the man.

Must ask DD what the sequel to the story is. She told me some time ago.

No grandparents either Jess as they were all deceased. Stepdad provided a roof over my head but no emotional support. I really envy my friends who had close relationships with their fathers. Even if a mother does not want a relationship with her child's father she should not deny her child unless there is a risk of harm !

Do you not think bags that some people "want a baby" very badly and maybe don't think that babies only last a few months and then they will be also getting a child, a teenager and an adult who will have to put up with them (and vice versa) lock, stock and barrel, without the balancing effect , diluting effect or backup of another parent?

What an atomized society Britain has become, gone are the days of Aunties and Uncles who were friends of the family and were as close and supportive as blood relatives. Gone are the jobs where men relied on their mates and buddies to watch for their safety as they looked after them in return and so strengthened the sense of community and common=wealth.
Children are OUR future, if a woman has a child ''on her own'' should we not be there in the background to offer a helping hand.
Less criticizm and more support should be our slogan.
We can do that by paying our taxes to finance such things as the NHS, Health visitors and good schools and housing for all, not only the greedy rich who have just gobbled up OUR Royal Mail and will soon take over OUR NHS.

Are you suggesting we should pay more tax, AAAHappyMan? Perhaps if very rich people and companies paid the tax they owe and are at present avoiding we can become the bountiful state you envisage.

I for one do not wish to pay more tax on my small pension to indulge the whim of a woman who wishes to have a child without the support of a loving partner.