Is he being selfish?

PRINTMISS Sun 29-Jun-14 09:39:10

I had lunch with a group of long-standing friends yesterday, and of course we were all discussing children/grand children. One couple lost their youngest son quite suddenly some years ago, and his wife and children moved abroad, although they see them quite often. The eldest son - the one I am talking about - has always been 'there', I think he is great and would be proud to have him as a son. He married a young lady who was never going to make old bones, cared for her and their daughter, and when she died continued to look after the daughter and her boyfriend live with him until just recently when they moved out. He has also continued to look after his mother in law who is totally alone. He was made redundant several years ago, but is fortunate enough to have an income, and so is really free now to do as he likes, and has decided to move to Wales - his parents, and another friend think he is being selfish, moving so far away! and the other friend seems to think he has a responsibility to his mother in law to stay near. I think he has a right to a life of his own now - interested in your opinions.

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JessM Sun 27-Jul-14 21:11:43

I agree sensible advice. You will need your rent and you cannot afford it if you have a relative not paying it. It is easier said than done to evict someone, What are you going do - pay some heavies? Interiview some letting agents and negotiate a good deal. I am paying mine 8% commission. Some ask 12. And take out insurance so that if you do have a nonpaying tenant you are covered until they move out.
If you can find a newly built flat to rent they are very cheap to heat etc.

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Sugarpufffairy Thu 31-Jul-14 19:31:36

Hi All
Thank you all very much for your well considered replies. I am pretty much decided that I will have to try to move. I have two areas in mind which are quite far apart. I have tried renting to a family member before and it was a disaster. My trust and my house were both abused, and I did send in some "heavies". (Well 1 heavy and a DIY capable) neither could do both.
I do agree with my children that it would be a shame to get rid of a house that has been in the family for so long. However I could rent it out while I am alive for income and leave it to whichever one proves to be the most attentive.
Right now I am babysitting for all I am worth. Everyone is working long hours and the temper tantrums (of the adults) is quite something else. I saw something on FAcebook - Your mood should not control your manners!
Hopefully as soon as the babysitting is over I will be able to go viewing properties.
Thank you all again.
Sugarpufffairy

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rosequartz Thu 31-Jul-14 20:36:36

It will be a wrench to sell it as it has been a family home for so long, but it is after all only bricks and mortar (or whatever it is built of!), the memories you can take with you wherever you go.
It is your decision - will your children help with the upkeep of it if you keep it? Probably not.

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Sugarpufffairy Thu 31-Jul-14 21:30:29

Rosequartz
You know my children so well LOL

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rubylady Fri 01-Aug-14 01:06:50

I love the comment of "leave it to whichever one proves to be the most attentive" I think I'll keep this in mind for my two. It made me chuckle. smile