is romance dead?

I didn't relate to a lot of the love songs, either. Mine was about a relationship in its dying throes.

I suppose 'romance' is whatever it means to the individual - the hearts and flowers stuff doesn't usually last long, but sometimes a simple gesture in a long-established relationship can recapture a bit of the old feeling.

The song I think is a good love song is not a 'romantic' song for DH & me.

I think romance can just be the small kindnesses that those in a loving relationship do to please the other. It is not the grand gestures or expensive gifts on Valentines/ birthday etc as those might be duty and to avoid a nag & not love and romance at all!

So that means a small [or large] act of affection counts as romance?And I still wonder if men do things that as you say penstemmon may be duty or to avoid being nagged.I noticed on the love songs thread that a few people said 'our song' [as in 'oh they are playing our song!'] Does the woman decide that is their song?

My husband is very romantical (as my kids call it)

I don't know if DH has a favourite love song; if he has it won't be the same as mine as we don't like the same music!

He has been known to bring me in a rose from the garden and give me a kiss - not for ages though

There are lots of songs that I like, but can't get misty eyed over any of them, so that got me pondering on the romance thing.

what's the division between romance and sentimentality?

Yes, indeed! And rose-tinted specs syndrome...?

I hope romance isn't dead roses, mine has yet to find out what it is.

[fingers crossed emoticon]

I don't know what the difference is between romance and sentimentality - but I think Penstemmon has the measure of it in her 2nd para.

I think men are predictable when it comes to 'romance'. My father would always buy my mother her favourite perfume when he returned from a trip abroad and Black Magic on their anniversary but I don't ever remember him buying her flowers or any impulsive surprises.

DH spoils any romantic surprises because he makes such a song and dance about it I end up wishing he hadn't bothered

I'd agree also that penstemmon summed it up well. It can something as small as hiding a note for you to find at some point in the day and the note saying they love you or miss you or thinking of you. It can be remembering a passing comment about somewhere you'd like to visit and then arranging that visit (secretly) and an accompanying picnic (all done secretly) and then you have the lovely surprise outing - and holding hands most of the time, a kiss on his way passed you to another room, a random hug - so many little things that mean so much

HollyDaze that sounds very autobiographical to me. Lucky lady

I don't think those are small things Holly, I think they're huge! In fact I thought they only happened in films! I have obviously had a life short on romance

If DH leaves me a note it's usually to remind me he's run out of shaving gel!

He couldn't do anything secretly if he tried and only holds my hand because he can't see where he's going.

I had a random hug the other day because he thought I was looking tired. When I told him I was fine he sent me off to the garage to get some petrol for the mower

Lovely to have such special memories, HollyDaze

Little things mean a lot.

Penstemmon'and HollyDaze have summed it up perfectly.

Wow merlot you're lucky! If DH needs new shaving gel he just leaves the can out for me to find - ditto shower gel, shampoo, clean socks .............. After wracking my brains I have remembered that he did organise a special meal for our 35th wedding anniversary, which was very nice but I had waited 35 years for it!

Never leaving the house without a kiss
Bringing you home a treat from a trip to town whether that's your favourite magazine or whatever.
Telling you look nice.

I've never thought of this as romantic but it's all the little things that DH does. One of DD reason for splitting from SiL is "because he needs to be more like dad"

Is romance dead? I dunno, but it was coughing up blood this morning...

Holly, that all sounds truly romantic.

The only notes DH leaves are along the lines of
'your friend whatsername rang while you were out, phone back',
'can you add toothpaste to your shopping list'
'don't forget to shut the greenhouse door'

Yes, they are lovely memories - thank you for your kind words ladies

I think it helped that he knew he'd get a clip round the ear if he hadn't done all that

No of course romance is not dead. DH and I have been together 51 years and he still does all the romantic gestures. Best of all when I say I am fat and old he tells me that to him I am still 17

We're lucky aren't we harrigran