Is there still such a thing as an "only child"?

I only had the one brother. He had to look after me, being 6 years older. When things went wrong, he was very supportive, that suited him but when things went right, better for me than for him he was difficult.

My GS is an only child and his parents are careful to give him lots of freedom and lots of friends, who all live nearby. Social media can not make up for real friends and real friendship.

My daughter is an only child and I have often felt guilty about it over the years. I was one of seven children and we are all pretty close. However, she has only had one child herself, so she must have been OK I think.

I too am a 'single child'. It's taught me independence and appreciation of my own company though I enjoy that of my friends. The only downside when I was young was the pressure to do well. It could have been imagined but I always felt my parents were disappointed I wasn't top of the class at my grammar school and didn't get to university until I was 50 when I got a good Masters degree. I left home at 17 and went to learn the hotel trade and it didn't go down well that I had to do chambermaiding as work experience!

I'm actually going to try to trace my relatives in Brum; my mum was from a large family, most of whom didn't speak to each other, therefore I never knew my cousins. But they are out there. Be warned if you're a Brummie. I might be knocking on your door .

Looking back I realise that many of the people I knew at school were, to all intents and purposes, only children. Some, like me, had no siblings but many of them had much older brothers and sisters born before the war while they were the little after thought. We would occasionally meet somebody's big brother or sister, but they seemed like proper grown ups to us and certainly weren't playmates.

I was an 'only' and athough I had plenty of friends I always longed for a sibling. (My Mum lost a baby 4 years before I was born).
Like you Tegan, it's now, as a widow, with no siblings and only my elder daughter and my late younger daughter's two daughters as blood relatives, that I do envy those with a medium /large family. I have an adopted Grandson who will, hopefully soon have an adopted sibling, as my DD and SIL don't want him to be an 'only'.
I think the term 'single child' sounds much more acceptable than 'only', but I guess that won't change. Just a thought!

I do not think many only children are spoilt but I have a much younger sister, who was home for much of her childhood as an 'only' when I and my younger sister had left home. She certainly wasn't spoilt but when she was at home as an only she didn't have to compete for, or share parental attention. When my other sister and I were home, she was eclipsed because my parents were primarily interested in us and our lives while we were there.

I didn't have the easiest of relations with her for much of our adulthood but since our parents and my younger sister died we have talked more and she explained that she saw us as favourites because when we were there she didn't get all the attention she was accustomed to and she was amazed to discover that we, her two older sisters, saw her, without rancour, as the favourite as she was very much the baby in the family.

I think DH unconsciously was the same, he never had to share his parents attention, and didn't expect to share mine. Mind you, 47 years of marriage, two DC and two DGC have solved that.

I am an only child and I never felt lonely.But the war was on and to be honest my parent's were very busy and we always had a house full of people and children My teenage years were great.BUT in later years yes I do feel very lonely at times. That is when you have to think how lucky you have been.and I have

I not an 'only' but I might as well have been my brother chose to ignore me for all of our younger years. When we became adults we were polite strangers. It was only when our mum developed Alzheimers that he began behaving like a brother.
My friend has an 'only' and I think she has always had too much of her life wrapped up in her daughter who is now 26. My friend still takes her to doctors appointments

As an only child myself I agree with most of what other posters have said. I don't think.I was ever the centre of the universe as my mother was a single parent. I have always coped well.with my own.company although I have close friends who.I regard as family. Having said that, I don't like being in.large groups and don't cope well with conflict.
When.my mother developed dementia it was actually a relief to be able to.deal with it myself with my husbands support rather than have the arguments with other family members that I have seen friends go through. One friend has a particulary dominant.sister who has made me releived to be an only child. As others have said I have never missed what Ididn't have, but said ,that I was adamant that I would have more than one child even, though my husband , who came from a family.of 4 children would have been happy to.stop at 1 at the time. (Of course when our second child was born he adored her)
In answer to the OP. Of course social media has its place but it needs to be in addition, not instead of having.friends and family.around you.

I was an only child but don't think I was overly spoilt. I would have liked a brother or sister, or both but it didn't happen. I was sent to boarding school when I was 11 in order 'to mix', not because they didn't want me at home or for any other reason. I think I have suffered in adulthood from being an only - DH was one too - and I feel hard done by for not having in-laws and nieces and nephews and an extended family. I feel I cope because I have always had to, so tend to be quite self contained which can be a lonely place. I was a lonely child who became a very outgoing happily married adult with a lovely family and an idyllic lifestyle, but now I have reverted to being a lonely older adult, something which widowhood and the family leaving home has caused, so it's going full circle. If I had siblings and a bigger family, I wonder if I would feel any less lonely? I shall never know.

...while I lay in to any topic and court disagreement (see obesity and bariatric surgery thread)! I do believe that criticism should not be personal.

I agree with you FlicketyB.I am very much like your DH and I was an only child. Even on this site I don't like too much criticism of my opinions and generally sit on the fence a bit while still trying to make my point. I tell myself it is because I am being sensitive to others but probably it is to protect my own feelings. Must do better !!

I would absolutely agree with Eloethan. DH is an only child and I am one of three. I would say one of the problems with being an only child is that you never learn that someone who argues with you, disagrees with you, and questions your opinions still loves and supports you. This caused us problems in the early days and also caused DH problems at work because if someone questioned anything he did he automatically assumed they had it in for him.

I on the other hand was one of three strongly opinionated and strong minded sisters and I learnt very quickly to, generally, take criticism, consider whether I should act on it or not and move on, DH has improved but I am still very careful how I express any disagreement with anything he says or plans.

I'm an only child. I did not see myself as centre of the universe because my dad suffered from depression and a lot of attention was focused on him. I was, and still am, quite happy in my own company to areasonable degree but I do think that not having to cope with the rough and tumble and teasing from siblings has made me less resilient to criticism.

I did not particularly miss having brothers and sisters but now that there is virtually nobody left of my family I do feel sorry that I haven't got a sister or brother to reminisce with or who can offer support or to whom I can be a support.

I think there are subtle things that only children miss out on, like teamwork, squabbling, empathy and sharing. I am one of 5 but DH is an only child and, although much improved, still sometimes only sees things from his own point of view. He is not good at doing things with help and prefers to do everything himself even when it would be so much easier for a job to be done by two. He almost knocked himself out removing a fitted wardrobe rather than ask me to help! He hated it when our boys play fought, always thought someone was going to get hurt.

I am sure there must be ways some only children compensate for lack of siblings but wonder if it can ever be the same as living all the time in the same home as brothers and sisters?

I'm an only child, too, and used to spend a lot of time as a child at my neighbour's house where there were four offspring. Their house always seemed so lively and 'informal' compared with my silent house (apart from the clock ticking!).

I don't think I felt particularly lonely, I could always amuse myself by reading, but like Lona I've always been shy - excuricatingly so, in fact! My 'little school' was predominantly Catholic, so to be an only child in amongst families of 6-14 children did feel a little odd!

As an adult, the only time that it's cropped up was when my father was nearing the end of his life and a friend, who was wonderfully supportive, commented that this was one time when having siblings for support would have been good. It had never occurred to me to ask anyone for support! Of course, it wouldn't necessarily follow that one would get support from family anyway . . .

I wonder if being independent is a trait that is more likely to develop if one's an only child? No-one to fight your corner?

Back to the OP, 'virtual' friends are no substitute for real friends, you need physical social interaction. How else do you learn to cope with other people and their actions?

I am the fourth of five children and am sandwiched between two brothers. One is 6 years older and one seven years younger. The two eldest sisters are 10 and 11 years older. I grew up quite isolated in terms of sibling relationships due to the age gaps but am now very close to one of my older sisters. I have no contact with my brothers - not through choice more a lack of reciprocity on their part! The eldest sister I do have some contact with but she is a difficult person with a very dominant and arrogant character so I try to keep her at arms length to save problems arising.

I used to wish I was an only one, like my best friend who seemed to have far more material things than I did as well as far more of her parents' time and attention. I envied her.

I like solitude but not all the time and I think my experiences growing up in a big family probably rubbed off some rough edges and made me able to cope with my own company as well as groups. However I knew that I didn't want a large family of my own and was well satisfied with just my son and daughter.

I think some people need to be with others, and some people are happy to be alone.
I don't think having siblings or being on social media makes any difference.
As an only child I was never lonely , but always very shy. As a single
adult, I'm more than happy to be alone, but I was quite lonely sometimes when I was married.
Everyone is different regardless of the circumstances.

MY GS (aged 10) is an only child although he has several cousins nearby to interact with. He has just had his school report and it seems clear to me that the part they are concerned about i.e. resilience and over sensitivity which may not have been there if he had siblings and endured the rough and tumble of growing up with them. My daughter has definitely babied him but brothers and sisters were out of the question for health reasons. I have spoken with her about this but as usual she goes deaf when I speak. I want her to help him get a bit stronger before he goes to secondary school.

My daughter was an only child but our house was always full of friends and at times seemed like a café, hotel and youth club all operating simultaneously. I had a much older sister and children spent far less time in each others' houses in the 1950s than they did in the 1980s, let alone now, and I recall being quite lonely some of the time. I do find it interesting that absentdaughter has five children and may not yet have stopped (help!) who crave the peace and quiet of sleepovers at Granna's.

Social networking and virtual friends tend to be a bit inadequate when it comes to sleepovers and playing on the trampoline.

Yes, all these experiences are valid, but in answer to the OP I still say NO, internet companions are no substitute for the real thing.

There's also so much pressure when you're the centre of someones universe.

I also was an only child and I agree with what Tegan has said although I do not think that I was selfish when younger and sharing flats etc. I would love brothers and/or sisters. I have an aunt who thinks I am extremely selfish now, only because I was an only child. My mother was one of 8, my father from a family of 4.

I was an only child and so was DH. The fact that we both see ourselves as the centre of the universe has made life interesting, but we've got over it. When DD was seriously ill as a baby I felt very alone with neither of us having siblings to share the worry ( Both sets of grandparents were 300 miles away and we didn't want to worry them too much) We had our second child partly so that DD would always have someone to turn to and they have seen each other through various crises!

My mother was an only child and never wanted more than one and my father was the youngest of ten and never wanted to be back in a large family. DD has two children, DS has one, but there have been so many problems with the one that I doubt if they will have more.