regrets

Oh ethel you have so made my day. I thought It was just me. This could have been me posting just before my 60th birthday. I don't understand why I felt this way I just did. I knew it was a waste of time but I just couldn't help it. For me I think it was the realisation that it wasn't just the big dreams that wouldn't come true but also the little ones. That I had truly made my bed and now had to lie in it. It's not that I'm not happy. I have a lovely husband, children who love me, 8 wonderful grandchildren. In reality I have never been so loved by so many. Perhaps it's an age of reflection for some of us. I am hoping that by 65 it will turn into an age of acceptance. I have read the replies and hope I can put their good advice into practise. Bye the bye I have been a cleaner. I worked in a factory, been a dinner lady I met some wonderful people who remain my good friends. I think these experiences actually enriched my life and made me a much better person. I'd have liked to have been clever but most of the very clever people I know were never really happy. They knew too much. The very beautiful people I have Known have often been taken advantage of. Mostly I wished I'd made the most of things. I don't want to waste these years wishing for what I can't have. Mostly I don't want to be a bitter, disappointed miserable old women.
( because i'v met some of those) Easier said than done. I just think it's the BIG 60 that gives us a jolt and if we are the sensible sort we'll get over it. You sound the sensible sort to me ethel. We'll be o.k ...eventually

Ethel. If you ever get the chance to see a film called ' Love a Latino' watch it.
Basically it's the story of all the Latinos who do all the work that the rich Californians don't want to do.
One day all the Latinos 'disappear' Everything collapsed. No cleaners, no child minders, cooks, etc etc. you get the picture.
I have done a lot of cleaning and my attitude was: you need me, more than I need you. I only ever had one customer who got a bit iffy. Their keys were left on the table with a farewell note.

Someone once said "Many people lead lives of quiet desperation", and it's true I think. But you have achieved something with your lovely daughter and grand-daughter. And you have led an honest life and worked hard.
You have harmed no-one, never been a criminal, never hurt anyone,
never leaned on drugs or alcohol. You can hold your head up high and be proud of yourself. There is pride in honest work, even if it is lowly.

Lots of us have some regrets I think.. You are not alone. Myself, I feel as if I have never taken control of my life, but just been washed along by the tide.
And you are still young. Certainly lack of money can be a stumbling block to leading a more exciting life, but maybe you can think of something which you would love to do and make it your goal, even if it takes you a while.
Happiness often lies in the smaller things of life. I do hope you will find something achievable and just go for it. Best wishes to you.

hello ethelbage firstly dont be ashamed od being a cleaner--you should be very proud of yourself for going out there a getting money for your family and you should be proud that you were even willing to clean other peoples houses t ensure your family were taken care of--I think that is something to be very proud of

also it is not someones job that makes them confident but self belief regardless to what job yo have

regret is a horrible thing, i myself am riddle with it but your regrets could have been much more serious so i guess going forward just being grateful that your past has not in any way brought about the un happiness or injury of other

It could be that the worse thing about getting older[other than any serious health problems] is all the 'looking back' that we tend to do.In the wee small hours usually.I made a real effort to stop doing that a few years ago and have been much happier as a result. There are so many 'if only-s' going on.Concentrate on the here and now.

I NEVER LOOK BACK complete waste of time to my mind.

Or going on PITY PARTIES , again complete waste of time .

Oh Nonu, wouldn't it be strange if we were all the same? I tend not to look back either but some people are much more reflective than we are and maybe the better for it!

ethelbags

many thanks for the lovely messages, Im a whinger but that is something I must work on to change x

I regret nothing.

I must also lighten up and think of things more humerously, I was shopping the other day when I met a girl who was working with me as a cleaner and we got talking and she reminded me of the day I was cleaning the mens loos. We used to take turns each week, one of us cleaned the floors and the other did the loos. I came across a huge lump of poo in the bowl and flushed it several times but it was wedged. I ran for the other girl and she tutted and said "its only a piece of s..., youre useless". She got the brush and thumped down on the turd until it broke up. I was outside retching. She gave a final flush and went back to her work. Years later we laugh about this. I think I wasn't even good at cleaning.

But (hopefully) having articulated that "whinge" you csn now try to focus on the positives in your life and move forward. Courses will not sleays lead to a more fulfilling job but learning or developing what interests will make you a more rounded and fulfilled individual. We are not defined by our jobs I leave thst to the "trendy executive" types but by what we are inside. There was a thread on projects for the Winter- how about thinking about that? U3A for instance with the bonus that you meet interesting and like minded people. Art History and Literature for me this academic year and I look forward to meeting up with "friends" from previous courses. Onwards and upwards !

Nonu what is a pity party? Never heard of that.

PM

I've been crying reading this. Maybe when you approach 60 it's a milestone but you could well have forty more years ahead of you. Make those forty years ring for you. I am approaching 69, about two weeks to go and my DM died at 69 but I am revising my ten year plan and looking at my bucket list on Pinterest. And read as if your life depended on it. Keeps me sane. Someone who can read but doesn't is worse off than someone who can't read.

What's done is done , regrets won't change it. Take action to change what you can and enjoy what you have and who you are. Remember nobody is better than you just because they have more money, a bigger house, a job that is perceived to be better or more qualifications. They are who they are and you are just as good.

My DH has a good saying whenever I say 'I wish....' He says 'wish in one hand and poo in the other and see which one gets full first' Bit rude but it shuts me up.

Can we have a little less poo in this thread, as I'm starting to feel a bit sick!

Sorry!

I'm 70 in December. My DH died 11 years ago aged 59. Sitting around moaning just makes me feel worse.
I also find the weather makes a difference.

Galen do you suffer SAD. Luckily you do not live in Norway, Svalbard

Where the little kids at school celebrate the rising of the SUN, and wear sun ray tabards and watch the transmission over the horizon, very short time, but very moving to see

nonu please tell me what a pity party is? So I can avoid them or at least know what to expect.

I think a 'pity party' is where everyone sits around feeling sorry for themselves.

Like Stansgran I have a bucket list. Ride an elephant - did that last year - in Africa! - Something I never expected to achieve.
Some things were down to chance - Paddle in the sea with my grandchild was on the list before I had any.
Occasionally I have to remove something - a ride in a balloon now isn't likely due to a dodgy back - but the main aim of a bucket list for me is to get me to look foward with things to aim for and achieve.
(I'm slowly working up to having a dragonfly tattoo on my shoulder!)

I often think that we are made to feel inadequate when we hear of people who have achieved or experienced great things. However, they are only great in comparison to the ordinary lives that most of us lead. If everyone was achieving great things then they would become commonplace. Not everyone can be the leader - most of us just have to follow. If you have managed to live a blameless life funded by honest hard work and produced a child or two and grandchildren then you have achieved much. I'm sure there are many people who would love a peaceful and uneventful life. Remember - the "successful" people you admire may not be all that happy. I guess the secret is to "want what you have" not "have what you think you want". Soldiers have died to protect just what you have now - so it must be very precious.