Family funerals---Feud?

I do sympathise, I attended and a funeral where there was a definite atmosphere. There was almost a split down the middle of the church. And many of the attendees left after the service not wishing to socialise afterwards.

I am not sure that everyone expects some sort of social/reception after all funerals nowadays. Some families enjoy a right royal wake whilst others just drift away at the end. Everyone has there own way. Its sad, even a little disappointing but there is always nothing to stop a small group of like minded souls meeting up afterwards for a drink to wish the loved one 'bon voyage' or to remember them fondly.

Quite right, Hilda. You could have got together with the other long-distance travellers, bimbadeen and had a meal or a pub lunch to reminisce amongst yourselves.

It is uncomfortable at such occasions where there's an atmosphere I know - we attended a funeral last year where the attendees seemed to be split into two camps (we didn't know why, exactly, but it seemed to be something to do with money, as is often the case!). A sad way to say goodbye to someone.

sigh families whats a person to do

When my uncle died my cousin told auntie just to get a few biscuits in. I felt this was a poor send off for my uncle who was very sociable. I went to the local club where uncle had been a member before being ill. They did a fantastic spread for £4 a head with unlimited tea and coffee. So auntie did not have any expense I spoke to all the family members who were attending and they all agreed to.pay for their own. Even though it was sad circumstances it was great to have the family all together and auntie was so pleased to see them all

Ana we tried to arrange a meal at a pub or café but no one seemed keen (It's not us truly!) one of the family was in tears on my husbands shoulder at the unpleasantness . my husband is his uncle and there's only a few years between them.

No this spilt not over money, the husband had two years of nursing his wife and became abusive towards her at the end , hence him living elsewhere.

We went and paid our respects which was I think the main thing to have done.

That's the trouble with caring for someone, it can corrode one's soul. My husband and I were caring for FIL and towards the end we both felt we were going to cave in under the pressure. My normally sweet, tolerant husband was snappy and short tempered which was so unlike him.
Until you've had sole care for someone its impossible to fully understand how pressurised it is. Some delightful folks can manage and come out the other side sane and unchanged....we nearly walked out on each other!

I'm glad you paid your respects bimbadeen, that all anyone can do - remember the loved one fondly and let the unpleasantness become a distant memory. There is such a thing as a blessed release even for loving husbands and wives, and until we have 'walked a mile' in that person's shoes is dangerous to judge.