Re: sisterly affection....don't make me laugh

I know. Today was dangerous but I won't be able to do it tomorrow. DH will be here and, although, he doesn't force the matter, he encourages me to do things. So will be back on track. This is just a blip. It's a relapse and as long as I don't give in it will pass. But it so hard to fight sometimes.

Are you UP!!!!!!????????

Yes I'm up and dressed. DH has just gone out for a couple of hours so the curtains are closed but I'm psyching myself up to open them. My target is 11am.

I promise I'll have them open by then.

I will hold you to that! Well done for being up.

As I have said on the depression thread, I have started an "Achievements" folder on my desktop and I am writing down each small step that I achieve to remind myself that I am making progress - your first entry for today could be "Got up and dressed" - well done.

It is so hard for those of us who have never suffered from real depression to understand what those of you who do , go through, but by all your posts I am starting to. My heart truly goes out to you and I hope you all start to see a light at the end. Perhaps we are all guilty of ,not quite dismissing, but not understanding enough.

I opened the curtains at 10.55. Target achieved.

I have a success box in which I keep my achievements so that at times like this I can remind myself that it does get better.

It's hard for non sufferers to understand depression. I think part of it is that the word depression is misused. I often hear people say they feel depressed when they just mean they're fed up or a bit down in the dumps. Then there is short term depression caused by something that is/has happened. People tend to recover from these so they can't understand why someone with chronic depression can't.

Hurrah(sp?)

Have just read this. Well done VQ I do admire the way you handled everything.

Been there, got the t-shirt. Its taken years for me to stand up for myself and not be treated like a doormat. When I started, a friend said to me "You need to think about yourself and your needs" and I genuinely did not understand what she meant, for some years.

Now I just walk away from situations like this. You were great at the party, not spoiling it for your mum and your children, but - - -

Your mum doesn't sound supportive of you - banning your partner (and father of your much-loved stepchildren) from her house. Have you thought that your mum and sister might have fixed this up between.

And I suggest you should not overprotect your children. Give them the chance to see you refusing to being treated like a doormat.

How are you today?

I'm on the mend. It will take some time but DH is very supportive and makes it easier.

My mum isn't very supportive although she's been better since she left me alone in Morrisons and I had a massive panic attack which led to ambulance being called. Although she does still refer to my self harming and panic attacks as 'those daft things you do'. My sister is the the golden child but it wasn't a fix between the two of them because mum was genuinely surprised when she saw everyone there.

I'll gradually put it all behind me. I'm afraid I was trained to be a doormat from an early age. It was easier to agree with my mum that deal with the fallout and I haven't ever really broken that conditioning.

vampire What a lovely dh you have there

DH tries to gently break my conditioning. It usually ends up with us both laughing as I try to be assertive and it all goes pear shaped. The latest attempt is that I have the TV remote controls. Usually when he comes home I automatically put them on the sofa next to him. When I come back from putting the kettle on they're back where I usually sit. This then becomes a cat and mouse game with the remotes moving backwards and forwards. And don't get me started on him trying to get me to choose what we watch on the TV

This may be a silly question, but I assume that you see yourself as weak?
I am not so sure from your posts, that you are.
I think that inside of you, there is a tiger waiting to get out.

I'm not the same person in the real world as I am in the virtual world. In the virtual world I can be the person I am but in the real world I'm the person I was conditioned to be. Sometimes the real me breaks out but only rarely. When it does people assume the difference is due to my mh issues. So it seems that wanting to do something for me is a sign of mental illness whereas other people are just being assertive .

Vq "wanting to do something for me is a sign of mental illness whereas other people are just being assertive"
That smacks of transferance. Not your's, their's. It's because the other person is threatened by your position. They use your mh as an excuse to make you feel inadequate. It's so pathetic really. I come on here from the other end of the spectrum. My cyber-self is a toned down version of the real me. I find it hard to tolerate other people's lack of emotional intelligence in dealing with those less strong.

VQ so glad you are feeling better.

You say your mum "was genuinely surprised when she saw everyone there". Appearances can be deceiving. I believe that people regularly act as though they are genuinely surprised when a surprise party is thrown in their honour (although they knew about it really).

So you are not afraid of vitual people?

I dont want to pry, just trying to help.
You dont have to answer.

Soontobe - virtual people are fine online, I think I can spot them fairly easily and then respond in a virtual-people-appropriate way - cautious, flippant, serious, happy - whatever. But virtual people outside, on the street, at meetings, social events, when I spot them they scare me and I am very wary, or I move away. After decades of not knowing they existed I then had lots of horrible experiences for a while - hardly any now, though.

I feel I have more control on the internet. If I don't like someone for whatever reason I can block them or not answer.

Since childhood I have been stabbed in the back many times by people I have trusted so now I find it difficult to trust anyone.

I understand what you are saying vampirequeen.

Trust has to be earned. I normally give people 6 months before I decide whether to trust them.
So sorry they have rocked your world.

onmyown - glad the horrible experiences are a lot less.

Thanks soontobe. VQ I used to be very trusting, but not now. You are not alone with this, unfortunately. With people I quite like but still don't trust, I go into a suspended-disbelief mode which works quite well. And sometimes when in conversation with someone I feel the need to say, calmly and quietly, that I don't trust anybody. That makes me feel stronger and I hope stops too much bull********.

The 6-month rule is a good idea, soontobe - a nice long probationary / cooling off period!

How do you spot "virtual people" in the street?

that was to onmyown btw.

"But virtual people outside, on the street, at meetings, social events, when I spot them they scare me and I am very wary, or I move away"

I think they would scare me too.