Age is no excuse for rudeness is it?

I was rude to someone for the first time this week. I put the phone down on them. I live in rented accommodation and was having trouble getting a plumber to come and fix my broken toilet. I am 62 and live alone. Won't go into all the ins and outs but this was the first time I was aware of being elderly and being a woman alone. They say you should never lose your temper as you straight away lose the argument. But this time I won. Still undecided whether to phone and apologise!

I do honestly think that elderly people can be invisible to many younger people. Not all, but quite a few. Some older people are not very assertive and can be dismissed or put off. I think if that happened to me too often, I would certainly start to assume that I had better make my presence felt right from the start. As for poking people with a stick - well, I have had to use one for the past 6 weeks after a nasty fall and it is SO tempting. I haven't been able to get out of the house much, but on the rare occasions I have, it is quite worrying when people get too close, or hold me up so that I have to stand for longer. the pain does make me more irritable and tired.

Lots of older people get angrier after they have had a stroke. I do not know anyone who has had a stroke who did not become more impatient. Same for younger people who have had strokes, but there are not so many of them.

One day last week I crossed the road with my grandson, and he said "Bye" to the crossing lady. He then realised and said "Thanks" when he was almost over the road. He spent the rest of the way home berating himself for not being polite to her and worrying about what she would think of him.

That is very true, my father was downright horrible after his. Your little grandson sounds like mine, a real sweetie. My GD on the other hand is a Little Madam. Hilarious though.

My research supports the view that men become more irascible (and childish) as they get older. Based on a sample of mainly one.

OH, don't you start as well, bad enough with Nonu
Typical B----y woman judging all men on a sample of one.
No one could describe me as irascible, I am always polite and even tempered, so go wind your neck in.

I was prevented from sitting on the last 'free' seat on a very crowded bus, and was told it was being kept with the words: 'He's just coming'. My response was: 'Well I hope he's older than me'. (Said with a smile so as not to appear too grumpy.) It was debatable! I stood for most of the 15 mile journey....

Seriously, I don't think it's just a man thing, but --

I can get very grumpy at certain things that I would have ignored 20 years ago. Poor service is probably top of my "instigate grumpy mode" . I hate it when a checkout operator is busier chatting to their mate about their weekend rather than concentrating on the customer. Mrs. P says I'm embarrassing when I complain.

I know I`m a very new retiree and that I`m in a honeymoon period but I notice a massive difference in how the mostly older people I now mix with treat each other. Its a world of pleasance! In the various classes and groups of all sorts that I attend people seem to be so kind and considerate. Even shopping during the day is nicer as people aren't in such a rush. Maybe I`m just lucky (so far) or maybe its a question of context (I live in a predominantly middle class area) or maybe it`ll hit home harder in a few months once my rose coloured glasses wear off but I`m really enjoying the company of older people. Me? I`m a picture of charm and friendliness and anyone who says otherwise can f* off!!

When I was an internet shopper at a high end supermarket , I had to work on the tills from time to time during very busy periods. The rudest people were elderly men and sometimes downright appalling old men. Maybe they're mourning their loss of vigorous youth. These were the same old men who knew more about supermarket shopping then their poor wives ,even though they'd shopped for the family for years. One woman leaned into me and said 'he is driving me f...ing nuts ' then 'sorry about the swear word but he is'. Young people were rarely rude although a lot would be on their mobile whilst going through the checkout - which I do count as rude.

petallus

and jane

Yesterday DBH took me out to partly compensate for our not being able to go away for the weekend two weeks ago. Nothing too special, a meal and to see The Imitation Game (excellent) but then we realised that it was the week of the Christmas Fair in Bury St. Edmunds. So we had to park much further away than we had hoped and I am still in pain and having to use a stick.

Everyone was lovely. Really helpful and nice, a couple of young lads hopping off the pavement amongst all the crowds to let me through, apologies left right and centre. It made me think I should carry a stick at all times.

Then when it was time to go to the cinema, DBH informed me that he had booked a sofa instead of the usual seats. I was thrilled, they have always been booked up in the past. We had the one right on the aisle. We settled ourselves in, knowing that we would have to get up if someone else came along.

Which they did, 5 mins later. An older couple. It took me a moment to pick up my foot from the carefully arranged pile of coats it was propped up on, and then DBH had to haul me up with one arm while I pushed down on my stick handle with the other. The man was muttering all the while 'for God's sake, get a move on!' and other such mumblings were going on. It was a bit of a shock after everyone else had been so nice. Thankfully I sat next to his wife, not him, it ruined the atmosphere for me for half an hour but luckily the film was excellent so took my mind off it.

When the film ended DBH made a huge show of getting me up and sorting out my folding stick, making sure I was fully dressed and zipped up before letting me out into the aisle, just to hold them up.

It's a bit like the 'bully at school' thing. You can have thirty good friends, but the one that plays on your mind all day is the mean one.

Janer, my grandson is 12 years old with ASD. He worries a lot about things. His 7 year old sister, like your granddaughter, is a little madam, and has just got around to saying thankyou to anyone, including the crossing lady, despite the good example of her brother for the last four years.

I wonder if the unsolicited phone calls are making us more bad tempered when the phone rings for what I call normal people. I had to do some transactions on the phone today to the bank and noticed that I was more abrupt than usual. I always remember my daughter saying you want them on your side when I was cross about British Gas.

The only elderly person I know who can be very rude is my uncle. When his wife died and he was obviously feeling very down, I suggested he come on holiday with my husband and I and my mum (she always came with us). Our grandson (who was about 10 then) also came.

My uncle was quite unpleasant to our grandson - criticising him all the time and implying that he was badly brought up.

The second time he came with us, he kept upsetting my mum and was very curt with a waiter. When I pulled him up on it, he didn't speak to me for the rest of the holiday! Needless to say, that was our last holiday with him. Nowadays he's on holiday all the time - long cruises and suchlike. I feel sorry for the poor staff that he comes into contact with - probably earning a pittance and having to put up with that.

The thing is, he was a gruff and rather unpleasant man even when he was young and wasn't very nice to me as a child. Age has merely magnified the rudeness. I think, unless someone is suffering from dementia which can cause personality change, most people who are pleasant when young remain pleasant as they get older. I do think, though, that it is easy to get flustered as you get older and perhaps this is why some elderly people can be a bit short tempered.

DBH gets bad-tempered every winter, with SAD. If that gets worse I shall certainly dread it even more than I do now.

Yes jane it can be very upsetting.

I can vouch for the fact that strokes can make a grumpy old man even grumpier. From careful observation of a small sample, it seems to accentuate whatever personality traits dominate. My friend's laid back husband has become so laid back she can never get a decision out of him. Whereas the rest of the small sample who were evil tempered grumpy before are permanently enraged now. Just let some hapless person park outside our house and he is fuming. I have pointed out we don't own the road and perhaps we ought to put a sofa and a carpet on it if he thinks we do